Touhou Random Mishaps
by WillieG.R
Summary: Various mishaps that occur to our beloved Touhou cast while living their daily lives. WARNING Random mishaps ahead. Please wear a hard-hat. *All based in the Sukima series Touhouverse*
1. Shadow Hunting Mishaps

**First Notes:**

**First off, know this is yet another spin-off from my Sukima series (Specifically, the most recent work "One Random Sukima"). Meaning, it's based on that Touhou universe (Touhouverse) and the characters that life there.**

**This particular spin-off has no actual spoilers, nor any of my Original Characters (OCs). Hope you enjoy this good laugh.  
**

* * *

Morning at the Myouren Temple.

Byakuren casually walks to the Palanquin, where Minamitsu is waiting for her so they can search for Byakuren's shadow.

On the way to the ship she is met by Nazrin, who stares on a little saddened, bows and says "good luck, lady Hijiri."

Byakuren smiles, bends down, and kisses Nazrin's forehead, making her bush a little, then says "thank you, Nazrin. If all should go well, we'll be back really soon."

Nazrin smiles, then steps away.

A little farther ahead Nue, Ichirin and Unzan wave at her with sad faces.

Byakuren giggles and says "don't looks so sad! It's not like we're leaving forever!"

Nue quickly says "but the temple without Hijiri doesn't feel like home~!"

Byakuren can't help but giggle, then says "don't feel like that. The temple is your home, no matter what."

Nue lets out a small smile, then says "come back in one piece!"

Ichirin sighs and says "if you need any help at all send for us, ok nee-san?"

Byakuren bows her head with a smile, then says "everything will be fine, but I promise, if anything happens, I'll call for you."

Byakuren waves at them, then continues her way, but stops and asks "oh... where's Shou? I was sure she was going to be here."

Ichirin gets a little irritated and says "she couldn't sleep at all last night, so I'm guessing she's asleep now."

Byakuren looks a little disappointed and says "oh. And I really needed to talk to her too. She might get upset. Oh well."

Byakuren signals the girls to her and when they get close enough, Byakuren smiles and says "please, tell her I couldn't wait for her to wake up, and tell her I said 'bye'."

Both girls nod with smiles on their faces, making Byakuren smile along.

Inside the temple, in Shou's room.

Shou sleeps contently, holding tightly to her pillow while sleeping sideways, snoring and sporting a pretty big nose bubble.

She starts to mumble softly, then smiles, chuckles, and says "lady Hijiri~"

-

Inside the Palanquin's dining room, on the tall but small square table, Byakuren and Minamitsu sit in front of one-another on the wooden chairs and discuss about their shadow hunt.

Byakuren calmly says "alright, do you have any clue as to how my shadow would look like?"

Minamitsu thinks hard and after placing her hands under the table she says "well, you are kind, so your shadow should be mean. Also, she might have bad breath, seeing as your breath smells like fresh mint, and it's also VERY possible she doesn't bathe at all, seeing as you DO take regular baths."

Byakuren sweats, her eyes hide behind a light dark shadow, and some strands of hair coil around above her head.

Minamitsu continues "ah, maybe she has HUGE manly muscles and a crooked pointy nose... green skin, AND she's probably naked too. You like clothes, right? Maybe she doesn't."

Byakuren stares awestruck at Minamitsu for some time, and after stuttering a little she manages to say "maybe you're giving it too much though."

Minamitsu lifts a magazine from under the table and says "no, no, it's right here on this magazine I found!"

On the article, there is a picture of a large grotesque-looking monster, and beside it the word "SHADOW" is written in huge black letters.

Byakuren recovers her usual look and stares curiously at the article, then says "so it's an article on shadows?"

Minamitsu quickly replies "yup. All about shadows. Says here some can have two genders, and will occasionally try to eat vampires after squishing jelly off honeycombs."

Byakuren smiles and says "can I see that?"

Minamitsu hands the magazine, and after Byakuren flips a few pages, she places the magazine on the table and presses her hand on it, looks straight at Minamitsu, then says "it says here, my lucky numbers are 5 and 78."

Minamitsu stares back, then smiles and says "and my horoscope predicts heavy rains on sunny skies!"

-

It's late noon.

Minamitsu is driving the Palanquin manually, whistling a tune as she does.

Byakuren is at the farthest end of the deck, throwing a few glances over the safety rails, hoping to see her shadow somewhere down on the ground.

Minamitsu lets go of the helm for a moment after seeing a lose board.

She bends down and says "ah, someone might trip on this. I better fix it."

She walks inside the ship forgetting to set it to auto-pilot.

A light gust of wind blows across the ship's deck and the entire ship turns very violently.

Byakuren is looking over the rails when the ship turns and quickly finds herself falling to the ground.

While falling she smiles nervously, flaps her arms rapidly and shouts "HELP, I CAN'T SWIM~!!"

Minamitsu comes running from the inside, looking terrified as she jumps on the helm and grasps the wheel tight, then stabilizes the ship.

After settling down, Minamitsu swipes her forehead with her forearm and says "phew! That was clumsy of me. Someone could have fallen overboard."

-

It's early morning.

Byakuren walks out of the ship and stands on the deck, next to the ship's helm.

She stretches her arms above her head and groans contently, then notices the empty helm.

She looks around suspiciously and says to herself "she won't mind. Besides, I'm just helping. She's probably exhausted from yesterday, so I have decided, I'm going to drive today. Yes, I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

When she approaches the helm she realizes that beside it there's a very advanced looking panel with a few shining buttons and a big dome above the buttons.

Right now, the dome is blinking yellow, then Byakuren says to herself "ah, it's on auto-pilot. Hmm, let's see here..."

Byakuren bends down, placing her left hand on her thigh while poking her lower lip with her right hand, then says "ah, it's the green one!"

She pushes a small green button, but nothing happens.

Inside the captain's quarters, Minamitsu is sound asleep on a small bunk bed.

A pair of metal shackles that hold the bed in place are released, making a loud "clank", which make Minamitsu moan for a moment, but quickly stops and continues sleeping.

Back on deck, Byakuren smiles as she covers her eyes with her left hand and points her finger at random buttons, then stops.

She stares at the yellow button her finger points to, then presses it.

There is a quick buzzing sound and the blinking yellow light goes off.

Byakuren celebrates and says "Yay~ I did it!"

She forgets to grab the wooden wheel and a quick gust violently turns the ship around.

Inside Minamitsu's room, the sudden turn sends the bed straight toward the round window that's covered with white curtains.

Minamitsu wakes up with a scream and finds herself falling through the window with terror on her face as she shouts "Captain OVERBOARD~~!!!"

-

Late noon.

Minamitsu has a few cuts and bruises on her face and one barely-opened black eye.

She puffs a bit of air from her mouth as she stares annoyed in front of her.

Byakuren finishes moping the deck and places the mop inside it's bucket, then sighs and says "I'm really sorry, Captain Murasa. I just wanted to help."

Minamitsu sighs, then smiles and says "I know, I understand. Please, just be a bit more careful lady Hijiri."

Byakuren smiles back angelically, salutes and says "no problem", then picks up the mop and bucket.

Minamitsu sighs and says "guess we better get inside. Geez, I hope the fairies haven't destroyed the place."

After pressing the yellow button and leaving the ship on auto-pilot, Minamitsu takes one step and yelps after slipping.

Luckily, she is able to hold on the helm before falling.

Byakuren says "be careful, I just finished waxing these floors."

Terrorized, Minamitsu yelps "WHAT?"

Byakuren continues "so be very careful not to slip."

Just as she finishes saying those words, she slips, drops the mop and the bucket, then slides all the way across to the left side of the ship and falls over the rails shouting "oh no, not again~"

Minamitsu manages to rush to Byakuren's aid without slipping, but after placing her hands on the rails she starts to tremble.

From down below, Byakuren shouts "I waxed the rails too~!"

Just as Byakuren says this, Minamitsu's hands slip, her left foot slips, then falls over the rails, shouting "WAAAAAAHHH~~~!!!"

-

The next morning, Byakuren and Minamitsu decide to stay inside the ship while letting some fairies do random checks over the ship's deck.

The girls are sitting in front of each other on the square table.

Byakuren takes a bite off a piece of bread, while Minamitsu reads the Bunbunmaru Newspaper.

She stretches her hand and grabs a small cup of coffee from the table, pulls the paper away from her face, takes a sip, and after placing it back on its small plate she says "it seems those shadows are causing a lot of trouble down below... but there's still no mention of your own shadow, lady Hijiri."

Byakuren finishes nibbling on her bread and says "that doesn't mean we're going to stop looking. We must be diligent and stay focused."

Minamitsu nods while still looking into the paper, then asks "but what if you didn't get a shadow copy?"

Byakuren stares confused at Minamitsu.

The youkai pulls the paper away from her face to look at Byakuren and says "think about it. Someone as pure as you shouldn't even have a shadow."

Byakuren gasps and smiles as she says "I'm flattered you think so highly of me, but that's just not true! Every single one of us has some darkness inside!"

Minamitsu stares into Byakuren's eyes, then casually shrugs and says "well, if you say so."

Byakuren sighs, and drops the subject, then takes another small nibble off her piece of bread.

From a small gap on the floor, a small mouse, probably one of Nazrin's friends, sneaks its way up Minamitsu's leg.

Minamitsu throws the paper in the air and springs on her feet while banging hard on the table with her hands and looking embarrassed and surprised at Byakuren, then says "l-lady Hijiri, that's very inappropriate."

Byakuren stares confused back at Minamitsu, who realizes Byakuren isn't doing anything.

The little mouse squeaks, and Minamitsu suddenly panics and thrashes around, shouting "it's a mouse! A mouse in my pants! Get it off, GET IT OFF!"

Byakuren lifts her hand, wanting to tell Minamitsu to calm down, but the sound of clothes stripping signals her it's no use anymore, so she just covers her eyes with her left hand as Minamitsu shouts "you little CREEP! Look what you made me do! ...AHH, I'm naked!"

There's the sound of a barrel being moved, then silence.

Byakuren peeks through a small gap between her fingers and asks "can I look now?"

Minamitsu shouts "I'm sorry lady Hijiri! I panicked!"

Byakuren giggles and says "it's alright. Here, get dressed."

Byakuren picks up Minamitsu's clothes and finds the mouse under the pants, enjoying half of a cracker.

Byakuren sighs and says "well, it seems someone has been pigging out during the nights."

Minamitsu blushes with embarrassment and while getting dressed inside the barrel she says "i-it was just a snack!"

That night, Minamitsu stands on the ship's bathroom scale with a towel wrapped around.

She stares at the scale for a moment, then slumps and sighs, then says "no more mid-night snacks."

-

Late morning on the next day.

Byakuren walks out to the deck of the ship, stretching and enjoying the warm rays of the sun above her.

Minamitsu is navigating the ship with a smile on her face, when she hears Byakuren shouting "it's my shadow!"

Minamitsu lets go of the helm and magically summons a large anchor to her right hand and shouts "where!? WHERE!?"

Byakuren bravely points right in front of herself and starts shooting mercilessly, then Minamitsu follows by throwing her anchor and some droplet danmaku bullets for good measure.

When the dust settles, they realize they have made a large hole on the deck.

Minamitsu walks closer and looks inside the hole with a depressing smile on her face, then asks "what did she look like!?"

Byakuren calmly says "tall, very shaggy-looking, VERY dark, and she had no eyes or mouth!"

Byakuren pokes her lower lip with her right hand finger and looks up as she thinks and asks "I wonder how does she eat?"

Minamitsu's eyes hide under a black shadow and some sweat drops fall all around her head.

She trembles and stutters, then asks "Hi-Hijiri...? Doesn't that sound like... your shadow?"

Byakuren says "yes, that's exactly what I mean. That was my shadow!"

Minamitsu places both hands on Byakuren's shoulders and forces a big smile, even though she is furious, then says "that shadow we just blasted... was your shadow from the SUNLIGHT!"

Byakuren closes her eyes and giggles nervously, then looks at Minamitsu with glassy sad eyes, sticks out her tongue, then says "umm... sowwy~."

Minamitsu sighs loudly, then slumps and says "it's fine, it's ok. I'll just patch it."

A soft gust of wind blows through the ship's deck, then the ships turns violently to the right, knocking Byakuren off her feet and over the rails, but this time, Minamitsu grabs her cape before she's out of reach.

Minamitsu angrily says "dammit, I forgot the auto-pilot again!"

Byakuren smiles as she looks up and says "well, just pull me up and..."

A ripping sound unsettles the two girls, so Minamitsu pulls Byakuren up with all her might, and when she finally manages to pull her up, she opens her eyes and realizes she has Byakuren's upper garments, while Byakuren herself falls to the ground again, this time in her white undergarments only.

She places one arm over her chest, and the other holding her skirt from lifting up, and while she falls she smiles and shouts "kyaa~~ This is embarrassing~~!"

-

The next day at noon.

Minamitsu walks out of the ship, looking bored and yawning.

She looks to the ship's deck and spots Byakuren with an angelical smile, kneeling and cooing at something.

She decides to get closer, walking casually with both hands behind her head.

She stands next to Byakuren and kneels beside her and curiously asks "lady Hijiri, what are you doing there?"

Byakuren smiles angelically and says "I found this squeaking little bird over here. He's so CUTE!"

Byakuren moves away slightly to reveal an ordinary rubber duck with an additional multi-colored feather head-piece.

Minamitsu stares at it in disbelief, then says "l-lady Hijiri, you realize that's a rubber duck, right?"

Byakuren twitches and opens her eyes wide in surprise, then grabs it and squeaks is twice, then looks at Minamitsu and says "no wonder it didn't move much."

Down by the Youkai Forest, Nitori searches the ground diligently for something.

Another kappa approaches Nitori and asks "what are you looking for?"

Nitori sounds a little worried when she replies "my latest invention. Right now, it's on a very delicate state and if someone were to squeak it, it'll set off a time bomb in it."

The kappa gasps and covers her mouth, then says "Nitori, that's dangerous. But why would you put a bomb in a rubber duck?"

Nitori casually answers "it's supposed to make him shoot a few sparks in the air, but I placed too much energy in the prototype I was using."

A very loud explosion from the sky makes both Nitori and her friend to yelp in fright.

After everything settles, Nitori shrugs and casually says "ah well. Let's move on to the next project."

On the Palanquin's deck, Byakuren and Minamitsu stand awestruck on top of a large burn mark, pretty burned up on the front themselves.

Minamitsu coughs and says "r-ru-rubber..."

Byakuren looks at Minamitsu and shouts "DUCK!" then quickly crouches.

Minamitsu stares at Byakuren with curiosity, then is knocked from behind by Mystia, who flies by too fast to stop in time.

The night sparrow falls on her face on the deck, while Minamitsu falls over the rail and down to the ground, shouting "this is getting annoying~~!"

Byakuren runs to the rails, but is unable to catch Minamitsu on time.

Mystia casually walks next to Byakuren and asks "did I just hit something?"

Byakuren smiles at Mystia and quickly embraces her, saying "what a cute little youkai~! What's your name!?"

While Byakuren rubs her smiling face on the sparrow's shirt, accidentally, but effectively cleaning all the smudge off her face, Mystia panics and tries to fly away but is unable to break free.

-

The next morning, Minamitsu is flying around inside the ship, looking a little unsettled.

A fairy passes by so Minamitsu stops and asks "hey, have you seen lady Hijiri?"

The fairy closes her eyes and shakes her little head, then says "there was some commotion by the common quarters a little earlier."

Minamitsu smiles and says "thank you very much" while rubbing the fairy's head, making her smile contently while blushing.

At the common quarters, Byakuren walks out one of the rooms, dragging a black wiggling bag.

Minamitsu lands behind her and ask "lady Hijiri, what's that you got there?"

Byakuren swipes some sweat from her forehead and says "it's a shadow! Saw her lurking around, so I chased her and trapped her!"

From behind Byakuren, Minamitsu says "great! Open the bag so we can get a better look!"

Byakuren smiles and says "alright then" and pulls the bag open.

Byakuren is extremely shocked after seeing who was in there. Her eyes turn round and white and she's unable to close her mouth.

After being freed from inside the bag; her hair messed up and her clothes completely wrinkled, Minamitsu punches the ground and asks "what the HELL just happened!!?"

Byakuren stutters "bu-bu-but... behind me... just now..." while pointing behind her with her thumbs.

-

Late noon.

Minamitsu finishes nailing down a wooden board, then dusts her hand after exhaling.

She steps back, looks up and says "no more falling off THIS ship!"

She admires the 6 foot tall wooden wall she installed on the ship's rails.

She pushes the last board to make certain it's sturdy enough, then says "now we can safely continue our search."

Without Minamitsu ever even noticing, Byakuren stands on the far edge of the ship and admires the tall wall, then says "wow, this looks safe enough."

Minamitsu proudly crosses her arms around her chest and says "of course! I installed this thinking about YOUR safely, lady Hijiri. Now, we should land soon before we run out of..."

Byakuren screams "kyaa~~ I'm falling again~~!"

Minamitsu trembles as she stares with great surprise toward the spot where Byakuren was. Not one of the boards looks unsettled or broken.

She trembles some more while her eyes turn round and white, then points forward and says "but... but... 6 feet tall, and still..."

-

Nighttime.

Minamitsu walks out of her room wearing a white sleeping robe tied up by a white lace.

She flies further inside the dimly lit ship then lands next to a row or windows and stares outside.

She sighs and says "the sky looks so beautiful."

Byakuren lands behind her, wearing a silky-looking black sleeping robe tied by a white lace.

After she lands, Minamitsu asks "you can't sleep either, lady Hijiri?"

Byakuren smiles and says "actually, no. But when I heard you come out of your room I came to see if you were alright."

Minamitsu turns around with a smile and looks at Byakuren, then says "oh, I'm alright. I just wanted to see the sky tonight. It's so beautiful. So many stars."

Byakuren giggles and says "yes. Nights like these should be enjoyed to their fullest."

Both looks at each other, then smile, and for a few hours, they sit on the floor and watch the night sky through the windows.

Byakuren falls asleep on the floor, so Minamitsu thinks of carrying back her to her room, but she notices a shooting star that seems to land on top of a large yellow star.

She is fascinated by this and walks toward the window for a closer look.

She sighs and says "so beautiful."

When she turns around, there is a big eye above a large tongue on an eggplant-colored umbrella right in front of her face, and a girl's voice shouts "URAMESHIYA~!!"

Minamitsu jumps back so suddenly, she breaks a hole on the ship, but is so shocked by the surprise she falls, unable to scream.

Kogasa looks out the hole and says "wow, I really scared her."

From behind, Byakuren asks "Kogasa, is that you?"

Kogasa gets surprised and jumps out the window with fright, then falls down, letting go of the karakasa and shouting "kyan~!"

Byakuren looks outside the hole, sweats while smiling sheepishly, then says to herself "really, somebody's going to get hurt with these gags."

-

Morning.

Minamitsu finishes removing the useless wall of wooden boards from the railings and decides to take a bath.

Meanwhile, Byakuren is enjoying a bath, humming to herself as she enjoys the warm water on her skin.

She looks inside the tub and says "oh my! I need to do something with these nails."

A few minutes after, Minamitsu enters the entrance room wearing a towel wrapped around her body and one on her head, and notices Byakuren's clothes on a basket next to the small sink.

She twitches and blushes, then thinks "I better not interrupt."

Byakuren exits the bathroom with a towel wrapped all around her body.

She smiles and asks "oh, are you taking a bath too?"

Minamitsu takes a deep breath of relief, smiles, then says "yes. I just finished removing those large boards off the railing and though I'd take a quick bath."

Byakuren walks to her fresh set of clothes while Minamitsu heads inside the bathroom.

Byakuren yelps, so Minamitsu instinctively turns around, only to get shocked and surprised.

Byakuren says "silly mouse, you startled me. Geez, I even dropped my towel. That's so un-lady-like!"

Minamitsu faints and falls on her back while a powerful stream of blood gushes out her nose.

She lies on the bathroom floor with a smile on her face, twitching occasionally while Byakuren concernedly asks "Mini-chan!? Mini-chan are you alright!?"

With her eyes hidden by a dark shadow, her cheeks bright red, and with a smile on her face, Minamitsu asks "who's... Mini-chan?"

Byakuren sighs with relief and says "that's you, silly."

Minamitsu struggles to lift her arm and flip her thumb up, and before finally blacking out she says "I... approve."

-

It's late noon and Byakuren is resting her elbows on the ship's railing while Minamitsu manually drives the ship while whistling a tune.

Byakuren sighs and says "what a beautiful afternoon. The sky is gold, the clouds look like sweet sugar puffs, and everything's just so calm and quiet. Oh, how I wish every moment were like this. Don't you agree, Mini-chan?"

Minamitsu smiles back and says "that's right, lady Hijiri. It should always be like this."

She looks away from Byakuren, changing her expression to depressing concern and thinks "it's still way too quiet. Something's gonna happen soon."

There is a loud crash and the entire ship rocks violently.

Minamitsu presses the auto-pilot button, shrugs with a defeat smile and thinks "right on time. Ah well, time to pick up lady Hijiri from the ground again."

She looks at Byakuren, who' still standing by the railing and asks "Mini-chan, what was that!?"

Minamitsu looks shocked and asks "wait, you didn't fall off?"

From the ship's entrance, Marisa bursts out the door, shouting "HEY~ EVERYONE!"

Byakuren smiles widely and says "miss Marisa, hello! What a lovely surprise!"

Minamitsu trembles and points at Byakuren, but stutters nonsensically.

Marisa smiles widely and says "sorry about that hole, I couldn't stop on time, ze!"

Byakuren replies "ah~, accidents happen."

Byakuren approaches Marisa, then asks "to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Marisa rubs the back of her head with her right hand and while smiling sheepishly she asks "I came to borrow some books, but I can't find them."

Byakuren claps softly and tilts her head with a happy angelical smile and says "oh my, here, I'll take you to them."

Byakuren leads the slightly surprised Marisa inside, saying "this way, please."

Marisa grins and says "wow, you really are a nice person."

Minamitsu stands completely awestruck, pointing at Byakuren and stuttering some more.

After Marisa and Byakuren enter the ship, Minamitsu walks to the rails and looks down.

She confirms lady Hijiri really didn't fall.

She starts to tremble violently, then jumps over the railing, and while laughing she shouts "I'm REALLY getting use to this~~!!"

-

The next morning at the dining room.

Minamitsu and Byakuren glare at each other from across the small table, neither one blinking.

Byakuren smirks and something under them clacks.

Minamitsu sweats as she glares back and softly growls.

Byakuren sits back with a triumphant stare, making Minamitsu tremble.

The captain looks under her, sweating more each passing moment, but she suddenly gasps and there are more clacking sounds coming from under her.

Byakuren moans in defeat and says "you cheated!"

Minamitsu smirks triumphantly and says "you know the drill. King me!"

On the table lies a checkered game board with round black and red playing pieces.

Byakuren growls and while pouting she says "the game isn't over yet!"

-

Later that day, inside the ship, Minamitsu kneels on the floor, scrubbing it with a small brush.

She drops the brush inside the bucket, swipes the sweat off her forehead and says "phew. Almost done."

Byakuren speeds by, having tied two scrubbing brushes on her feet and using them to skate around with great agility.

Minamitsu sweats and looks worriedly at Byakuren, then sys "oy! Be careful. You might get hurt."

Byakuren continues to gain speed while skating with the brushes and says "aww, come on! We're safe inside!"

Minamitsu shouts "lady Hijiri, the hole that witch made! LOOK OUT!"

Byakuren looks ahead of her and realizes she heading straight toward the hole Marisa made when she crashed into the ship.

She tries to stop herself, but she is going too fast to stop in time.

Minamitsu runs after her, hoping to catch her before she actually falls, but even she knows that's impossible, however that doesn't stop her from trying.

Byakuren is just mere feet away from the hole, then a golden washtub falls on her head, successfully stopping her from falling through the hole, however, she's knocked out.

Minamitsu reaches Byakuren and looks into her swirling eyes and dazed smile.

She turns her attention to the washtub on the floor next to Byakuren, bends up and picks it up.

In a sudden rage, she throws the washtub through the hole and shouts "WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GAGS!?"

-

At night, Byakuren, who has a bandage around her head, sits in front of Minamitsu at the small square table and looking serious she says "I believe it's time we headed back, Mini-chan!"

Minamitsu stares back at Byakuren with determination and says "agreed. All we've managed to do is fall over the ship and hurt ourselves over and over." Byakuren nods and says "so we rest at the temple, then continue the search on foot."

Minamitsu nods and says "then it's decided. Let's head home!"

Byakuren notices Minamitsu has her hands under the table then smiles and asks "ah, you got another magazine there?"

Minamitsu lifts her hand and pulls out a rubber duck, surprising even herself.

Byakuren panics and shouts "RUBBER DUCK!", then runs away and jumps inside an empty barrel.

Minamitsu quietly stares at the rubber duck and asks herself "what am I doing with this?"

At the Youkai Forest, Nitori searches frantically around while wearing a pair of night-vision goggles.

She stomps the ground hard with her foot and angrily says "that's the SECOND one already! I'm not this careless! Someone must be stealing them."

There's an explosion in the sky and Nitori sighs with an irritated expression on her face and says "great, I'm going to have to start from scratch again."

-

The next morning, looking exhausted, Byakuren and Minamitsu leave the ship as soon as it lands.

As they walk back to the temple, Byakuren says "Mini-chan, I don't think we're cut out to hunt shadows."

Minamitsu sighs and says "we just had a bit of bad luck back there. Maybe we'll fare better down on the ground."

Byakuren sighs and says "I sure hope you're right."

There's a bit of silence between them as they walk to the temple, then Byakuren giggles and says "the girls are going to be so happy when they realize we're back."

Minamitsu shrugs and says "maybe... I know I'd be."

A large silver washtub falls on their heads and knocks both in an instant.

With swirling eyes and vacant smiles, they lie on the ground while everyone else is unaware of their return.

From the ship's deck, there is a small flash, and a shadowy figure jumps over the rails and flies away.

Aya, with a glint in her eyes and a wide crescent smile on her face says "uh-fu fu fu. I, the beautiful Aya Shameimaru, age 17 (lie), have found the greatest story for all times. I'll call it 'Endless Mishaps of the Holy Vessel'."

She flies away towards the Hakurei Shrine with a sense of accomplishment and a crescent smile on her face.

-

The End

Characters & scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

JAN 29 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**First off I want you all to know I LOVE these Touhou characters. I really believe I like them all. I just wanted to have some fun and show the many random mishaps that happen to Byakuren and Minamitsu on their search. Hmm... I wonder how long Aya's been there? Ah, she's probably been coming and going. She likes that. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed reading.  
**


	2. Scarlet Mishap Mansion

**NOTE:**

**I am not responsible for any damages while reading this fiction. And whatever you do, DON'T look behind! Thank you, and enjoy!  
**

* * *

It's a beautiful winter evening at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and Sakuya is walking down the quite corridors, heading toward her mistress' room, since it's about time to wake her up.

She arrives at her mistress' bedroom door, and before entering she makes sure her skirt is straight, her bonnet is centered, then pulls out a mirror from under her chest and makes sure her face looks presentable.

"Perfect" she whispers to herself, hiding the mirror back under her shirt and smiling, ready to knock on the door.

A soft gust enters through the open window next to the door, making an unsettling whooshing sound.

Sakuya is momentarily startled, but quickly composes herself and says "goodness, this window is open in such a cold evening? The useless fairy maids must have not closed it properly."

Closing the window, Sakuya says "there we go" then heads back to her mistress' bedroom door.

She raises her hand, then looks left, then right, smiles, places her knuckle on the door, and a golden washtub knocks her to the ground.

Dizzily, Sakuya gets up, moaning as she tries to keep her balance.

She recovers and quickly looks above, but sees nothing. The object that had struck her had vanished as well.

Sakuya sighs and says "it's a little early for these gags. I can tell, it's going to be a long one."

She notices a smudge on her skirt, then realizes her entire outfit is crumpled and dirty.

Sakuya turns pale as she yelps, then runs away to her room, shouting "NO~! I have to change, QUICK!"

Right after Sakuya leaves the corridor, Remilia somberly peeks out of her door.

White powder falls all over her, but she's still so sleepy she doesn't even notice.

She covers her mouth as she yawns then enters her room again, somberly saying "mmm~ just 5 more minutes..."

The door silently closes and shortly after Sakuya arrives to the door again, wearing the same outfit as before, only clean and tidy, noticing the white powder on the floor.

Her face turns a little red as she scowls and says "oy! This wasn't here just now."

In the blink of an eye, Sakuya now holds a broom and a scoop, and in another blink, the floor is clean and Sakuya prepares to, once more, enter her mistress' bedroom.

She knocks softly on the door, then jumps back. Nothing happens.

She smiles and thinks it's safe, so she calmly enters her mistress' bedroom.

Upon entering, like always, Sakuya softly says "good evening my lady~. It's time to wake up."

Remilia sits up on the bed, rubs her eyes, then says "*yawn* good evening Sakuya... I was hoping to sleep a little longer, but it seems..."

Sakuya looks at her mistress with a smile on her face, then realizes Remilia is as white as a ghost.

Sakuya immediately screams "MY LADY~!"

Remilia jumps from her bed and crashes on her face on the ground.

Sakuya grabs Remilia by her arms and cries "no~ my lady is DEAD~! How could I let this HAPPEN~!? My lady, I'm so sorry~!"

While Sakuya continues to cry, Remilia tries to get her attention, quickly losing her patience.

Remilia takes a sudden breath of air, then shouts at the top of her lungs "SAKUYA, ENOUGH ALREADY!!!"

The force of Remilia's shout blows the white powder away from herself and on to Sakuya, who coughs, calms down, then says "*cough cough* oh my... It's just flour."

Sakuya placer her mistress on the floor, where a creature made entirely of water gobbles her up.

Remilia screams at the top of her lungs "Sakuya~! Sakuya~~! KILL THIS THING! KYAH~~~!!!"

Sakuya smiles and says "I'm so glad my lady is safe!"

-

At the dining room, Remilia enjoys tea and dessert after a nice meal of scrambled eggs with blood sauce and rare meats.

Patchouli sits on the right side of Remilia, her head full of lumps and looking at Remilia with contempt, while Koakuma places an ice bag on the lumps.

Flandre somberly walks up to the left side of the table, and immediately after sitting and somberly saying "good morning everyone" Sakuya places her meal in front of her and says "it's 'good evening' young mistress."

Flandre casually takes a bit of scrambled eggs on her shop-sticks and says "yeah, yeah *yawn* Good evening."

The rest of the meal time is quiet, even after Meiling arrives, complaining about the harsh cold weather outside.

The silent meal is quickly interrupted by a blast coming from Patchouli's library.

Remilia glares at Patchouli, who gets nervous and quickly says "don't look at me, I'm not doing any more experiments."

Koakuma adds "besides, we are all here, right?"

There is another blast and a small rumble.

Patchouli sighs, rubs her forehead, then angrily says "Marisa~!"

Patchouli gets up from the table and as she walks down to her basement Sakuya asks "need assistance?"

Patchouli casually says "it's alright. Koakuma and I will deal with the rat ourselves."

Koakuma bows and hurries to Patchouli's side.

Sakuya looks at Remilia, who sighs and calmly says "don't worry, she can take care of it."

Not even a minute passes by when Patchouli and Koakuma run back to the dinner table.

Their clothes are in tatters, torn in various places, their faces are filled with terror and their eyes tremble along with their bodies.

They run under the table, then Sakuya worriedly asks "lady Patchouli, Koa? What happened?"

Patchouli and Koakuma nervously peek their heads through the table's cloth and Patchouli says "it's just horrible.... it's horrible!"

Koakuma whimpers "I never knew something so small could be so dangerous!"

Remilia strikes the table with her fist and says "you are RESIDENTS of the Scarlet Devil Mansion! I will NOT allow you to behave like cowards, now GET out of there!"

Reluctant, Patchouli and Koakuma come out of hiding, then Remilia says "Sakuya will go with you this time."

Sakuya bows her head and says "understood."

She takes a step away from Remilia, then falls through the floor.

Remilia opens her eyes wide and stretches her mouth in surprise as she gets up and looks at the seemingly solid floor.

She bends down and asks "Sakuya? Are you there?"

From behind Sakuya asks "what are you looking for, my lady?"

Remilia yelps and jumps, falling through the seemingly solid floor.

Sakuya sweats and shouts "my lady!!"

Flandre runs next to the magical hole and shouts "this looks like fun" and immediately jumps in with a "weeee~"

Sakuya kneels on the floor and pats the apparent hole, however she finds nothing.

Her eyes hide under her hair as she sweats and says "oh my."

Flandre falls on her bedroom bed and disappointedly says "aww, what a joy kill."

Remilia is to her left, screaming her head off as she is gobbled up once more by a water creature.

Flandre gasps and shouts "Jumy~! Where have you been?"

The creature spits Remilia out, takes the shape of a pup, then runs to Flandre, licking her face and making her giggle.

Remilia stares at Flandre, trembling, sweating, and her eyes hiding under a shadow.

-

Remilia walks by one of the many corridors of the mansion, staring at the ceiling and noticing a very old-looking broken piece of wood.

She frowns while staring at it for some time, then quickly says "Sakuya, bring the ladder!"

In an instant, Sakuya stands next to Remilia, holding a very tall ladder and placing it just under the rotten piece of wood, saying "I'm sorry my lady. I'll take care of this myself."

Looking proud, Remilia closes her eyes, placing both arms on her waist and saying "Sakuya, you make your mistress proud."

Just as Remilia finishes speaking, Sakuya yelps, followed by a disturbing loud cracking sound.

Remilia's face twists with surprise then slowly looks up, noticing a large hole on the ceiling.

From the floor above Sakuya shouts "I'm ok~! It seems I fell through the roof."

Remilia's enter body stiffens as she shouts "how the hell did you do that!!?"

-

Remilia stands in her room, crossing her arms, tapping her left foot on the floor while looking impatiently at the top of her cabinet.

Sakuya enters the room and asks "did you call for me, my lady?"

Remilia expels her breath and says "finally!"

There's a beautiful chirp that progresses to a song.

Remilia points at the source on the top of her cabinet and says "that pretty bird is annoying. Get it out!"

Sakuya bows and says "immediately, my lady."

In the blink of an eye, Sakuya has a small sparrow on her hands.

She presents it to her mistress and while smiling she says "I'll be taking this little guy outside now."

Remilia rushes closer, hurriedly saying "wait, wait! I wanna pet it!"

Sakuya smiles, bends down, then says "certainly."

Remilia rubs the little bird's head lightly and says "uu~ so soft *giggle*."

Sakuya smiles widely and says "he's adorable, isn't he?"

From outside the room Remilia and Sakuya's voice can be clearly heard.

Remilia asks "hey... what's he doing?"

Sakuya replies "my, this little one sure is feisty."

There's a long pause, then a sudden crash, followed by Remilia and Sakuya's screams.

Remilia cries "waa-ha-ha~! Sakuya, save me!"

Sakuya shouts "kyah~ He's got my arms!"

There's another loud crash and many angry chirps.

Remilia screams "Sakuya~!"

Sakuya screams back "RUN MY LADY!"

Remilia and Sakuya burst out of the room with their clothes torn, dirty and full of feathers.

They shut the door tightly and step away, trying to catch their breaths.

From inside, the little night sparrow strikes the door and almost breaks it down, so Remilia and Sakuya bar the door with their bodies, then Sakuya exclaims "who the hell taught martial arts to that little monster!"

Remilia exclaims "screw that! Who taught it the value of jewelry!?"

Outside the gate, on the cold winter night, Meiling practices her martial arts while explaining to herself how she does every move.

On the trees around her, the little youkai birds watch unblinking, with bright glints in their little eyes.

-

Meiling enters the mansion, saying to herself "that was a nice session. Now a nice bath, then I can go to sleep."

Flandre casually walks to Meiling and stares at her while she stretches.

Meiling notices Flandre and asks "oh, young mistress. Everything alright?"

Flandre smiles and says "there's something in one-sama's room. They need you."

Meiling and Flandre arrive to Remilia's room, where Remilia and Sakuya continue to push back against the door as the little sparrow continues to try and break it down while chirping angrily.

Meiling asks "what's going on here?"

Sakuya quickly replies "Meiling, this is your expertise. There's a monster in there and it knows martial arts."

Remilia shouts "quit jabbering and get it OUT OF THERE!"

Meiling cracks her fists and with a confident look on her face she says "better stand back, then. I'll take care of it."

Remilia and Sakuya back away from the door and Meiling quickly enters the room, closing the door behind her.

From inside Meiling is heard saying "what? It's just a cute little sparrow. Hello little guy~."

Sakuya shouts "Don't be fooled!"

There's a loud crash and Meiling screams "Hya~! Why you sneaky little monster! That was LOW! Take THIS! Hya! Hoo~ HAH!"

Smacking sounds echo all around the corridor and all through the mansion itself.

From behind Flandre, sounding annoyed, Patchouli asks "what's with all the noise? It's impossible to read with such a racket!"

From inside there's another loud crash followed by Meiling's "jaooo~", quickly followed by another loud crash.

Sakuya says "lady Patchouli. There's a dangerous monster inside the mistress' room. Meiling's dealing with it as we speak."

Meiling screams before Patchouli is able to reply, causing Sakuya to worry and shout "Meiling! I'm coming!"

Sakuya opens the door and finds Meiling with her arms raised above her head and looking terrorized.

The little night sparrow clings on the neck of her shirt and is placing it's right claw right below the connection between her jaw and neck.

Meiling whimpers "d-don't... Th-that's a vital point!"

Patchouli peeks inside and exclaims "crap! That's the monster form before!"

The little bird chirps angrily, then Meiling and Sakuya are tossed outside of the room, both falling on the floor. Remilia shouts "what the heck happened!?"

There is a loud chirp and the sound of a spell card being activated.

Patchouli screams "HIT THE FLOOR!", then jumps on the floor beside Flandre, both holding their heads.

Remilia nervously looks around, then asks "what, what!? What's happening!?"

She looks inside her room and notices a small sun in her room.

She points at it and asks "hey Patchy, isn't that your Solar Flare spell?"

Remilia's scream is heard all the way to Cirno's house.

The little fairy springs up from her bed and somberly says "hey~! Keep quiet over there."

Remilia's screaming stops, so Cirno drops back on her bed and immediately falls asleep again.

-

Inside the now dimly lit room, Remilia and Sakuya start to clean up the mess left by the rabid karate night sparrow.

While Sakuya occasionally stops time, finishing some repairs in what seems like an instant, Remilia grumbles to herself while dusting the debris off her bed.

Sakuya looks both concerned and worried for her mistress, then says "cheer up, my lady. It was just a plastic ring."

Remilia grumbles some more, then says "yes, I know, but you remember the trouble we had to go through to have that gap hag pop those treat boxes over here."

Sakuya sighs and says "you're right. Those cereal boxes were very tasty, weren't they?"

Remilia smiles and tries to reply, but her cabinet starts moving around and making a loud sound that comes from inside.

Sakuya and Remilia embrace one another and Remilia trembles while saying "Sa-Sa-Sa-Sakuya.... That bird left... r-right?"

Sakuya gulps and says "I saw it flying toward the open window in Meiling's room."

The cabinet jumps violently, making the two girls even more nervous.

Sakuya sweats, gulps, then says "I'm checking it out!"

Remilia lets go of Sakuya, trembling and sweating, then says "b-b-be careful!"

Sakuya grabs the cabinet dual door, gulps, then says "here I go!"

Remilia shouts "WAIT!"

She runs to the left of the cabinet and says "if that bird is there, it's best if we get him together."

Sakuya nods, smiles, then says "thank you so much, my lady!"

Sakura readies herself to open the doors, then Remilia counts for her "one... t-two... THREE!!!"

Sakuya opens the doors and Remilia springs out of the cabinet, crying "Sakuya you IDIOT! Do you know how long I've been stuck in there!? You mean maid, how long were you going to WAIT!? I KNOCKED on the doors, even!"

Sakuya looks to the left of the cabinet, but Remilia isn't there.

She looks at her crying mistress and asks "my... but my lady, weren't you with me here just now!? You were standing to the left! How could you be in there!?"

Remilia cries "now you're making excuses!? I'm taking maid points off your score. WAAAH~~!!!"

Remilia runs away from her room, crying and shouting "Patchy~! Patchy, where are you~"

Sakuya drops on her knees, sweating while staring at the cabinet and softly knocking on her own head with her right fist.

-

It's midnight, and Remilia has decided to exit the mansion and fly around outside to calm down.

Meanwhile, Sakuya finishes cleaning and repairing everything inside Remilia's room.

After exiting the room she says "I better start preparing my lady's meal. It's almost lunch time."

Most of the lights in the corridor are now either off or dim; Sakuya makes her way through it, her footsteps echoing all over.

It's so silent, it's almost eerie, but Sakuya takes this moment of silence to relax.

She comes across Flandre, who smiles and asks "Sakuya, have you seen one-sama or Jumy around?"

Sakuya smiles and says "I haven't seen Jumy, but the mistress is outside, exercising her wings."

Flandre slumps and says "aww. I'm lonely. Wanna play?"

Sakuya flinches and says "err, I'm going to cook lunch now, so why don't you ask Meiling?"

Flandre looks down frustrated and disappointed, then says "but she's sleeping."

Sakuya chuckles and says "nonsense. I'm sure she'll play with you. Why don't you run along and I'll summon you when lunch's ready?"

Flandre waves her wings and arms slowly and sounding very disappointed she says "oh, alright."

Flandre runs along, away from Sakuya, who swipes the sweat off her forehead and says "managed that alright."

Sakuya continues her way through the corridor, unaware that Remilia is crawling on the ceiling, stalking her, bearing her teeth while her eyes glow red.

Sakuya slows down and Remilia drops from the ceiling and shouts "GAH! I'm gonna eat you~!"

Sakuya trips on a carpet lump and Remilia flies right over her, landing on the water monster that immediately gobbles her up and makes her spin around in her stomach.

Remilia tries to scream with all her might, but the watery creature's body muffles her voice.

The creatures scurries away with Remilia in its belly while Sakuya slowly gets up, saying "ow, ow, ow, ow. That hurt."

She gets up and dusts herself, then says "so glad nobody saw that."

-

Sakuya arrive to her mistress' room, knocks on the door, then says "my lady, lunch is almost ready!"

From inside, Remilia shouts "Sakuya~ The cabinet is making weird sounds again!"

Sakuya gulps and sweats. She thinks of just running away, but that would disgrace her as a maid.

She takes a deep breath and opens the door, blowing some blood from her nose when she finds Remilia covering herself up with her bed-sheets, peeking with her large, glassy, worried-looking eyes toward the cabinet.

Sakuya wipes the blood off her nose, then says "allow me to take care of the cabinet for you, my lady!"

Remilia jumps from her bed and shouts "oh no, this time I'm helping!"

She walks up to the cabinet's left side and says "I'll open the left door and you open the right one. Got it!?"

Moved, Sakuya smiles and says "my lady, you are most kind!"

After readying themselves, Remilia counts "alright... one... two... THREE!"

Sakuya and Remilia pull open the cabinet doors, then spring out from inside the cabinet, crying, sobbing and embracing each other tightly while trembling in fear.

Sakuya cries "*sob* we-we're out, my lady. We're finally out of there!"

Remilia cries "Sa-Sakuya... thank you so much. I... I wouldn't have lasted!"

Sakuya replies "don't say such things, my lady.! I only led those hunters away. You did all the work!"

Remilia calms down a bit and says "Sa-Sakuya, remember. Not a WORD to the others!"

Sakuya replies "*sob* my... my lips are sealed, my lady!"

-

Remilia walks down the basement corridor, thinking of visiting Patchouli's library to pass the time.

There is a sudden chirp. Remilia's eyes open wide for a moment, then she turns around very suddenly, bearing her claws, ready to strike at anything that might move.

She clenches her teeth, then shouts "you rotten night sparrow. I'm going to GET you!"

There's another chirp, but she's unable to tell where it's coming from.

She decides to prepare her spell card, declaring "Divine Spear - Spear of the Gungnir!"

Remilia looks around with spear in hand, uncertain of where the chirping is coming from.

She walks further in and reaches the library's door, but before opening she looks to where she came from, then looks further ahead into the corridor.

She sighs and closes her eyes, and after opening them again, there is the rabid karate night sparrow, resting on one of Remilia's most comfortable chairs, glaring back at Remilia, who raises her spear above her head.

The sparrow squawks, lifts its right claw, then flips the middle finger.

Remilia's eyes burn with fire, then she angrily shouts "you meatless chicken, you'll PAY FOR THAT!"

Inside the library, Patchouli is quietly sitting in front of her desk, reading a single book, a magazine from the outside world.

There are screams and loud explosions coming from outside.

She slams the magazine on the desk and angrily says "honestly, how am I ever supposed to read with Remilia screaming her head off like that all night!?"

The library's door burst open and Remilia flies inside with terror in her eyes, flying as fast as her wings can take her.

Behind her, the rabid karate night sparrow has her Spear of Gungnir on its left claw and is breaking off pieces and firing them at Remilia with its right.

Remilia shouts "Patchy~! Do something! Stop that damned bird!"

The night sparrow chirps angrily while chasing Remilia, matching her speeds, and tossing more pieces of the spear at her.

Patchouli flies up to meet the two intruders and pulls out a spell card, however, the two flying creatures zip past her too quickly, so she can't aim.

Patchouli sighs and says "Koa, try and slow them do-..."

A large golden washtub falls on Patchouli's head, knocking her out of the air with a quick "mukyu!"

Koakuma peeks her head from above of where Patchouli was, looks around with a mischievous smile on her face, then flies up again, ignoring the crying Remilia, who continues to fly around, trying to escape the rabid bird.

-

It's dawn now.

Remilia is too shaken to go to bed, so Sakuya has brought a relaxing story from the library and sits on her mistress' bedside.

Remilia nervously asks "Sakuya... a-are you sure about this?"

In a soothing tone of voice, Sakuya says "of course, my lady. You've had a very rough night. You need to rest."

Remilia gulps while trembling, then nods and says "you-you're right... Let me just get comfortable and you can..."

Remilia turns around to fluff her pillows, then Sakuya yelps and there's a loud crunching sound from the ceiling.

Remilia doesn't want to turn around, but she forces herself to do so.

Her eyes hide behind a light shadow as she looks to the ceiling, where Sakuya shouts back "whoops. Seems I fell through the roof again."

Remilia sweats and trembles while still sitting on her bed.

-

It's morning.

Sakuya is opening the room to her mistress, finding Remilia on her sleeping gown, clinging on to the wall above her bed and looking at the cabinet once more.

The moment Remilia spots Sakuya she darts off the wall and straight on to Sakuya.

She looks at Sakuya, her face full of tears, her cheeks red and puffy, looking just like a frightened child.

Sakuya compares Remilia with Budou and Chen, then her nose fires jet-streams of blood, saying "guh! My lady is much cuter than that!"

Remilia ignores the blood being sprayed on to her and cries "Sakuya~ that cabinet is moving again!"

Sakuya flinches, her nose stops bleeding, and she nervously says "my lady, if we open that we're going to be sorry!"

Remilia whimpers "but it's keeping me awake~! I want to sleep, Sakuya~"

Sakuya thinks for a moment, snaps her fingers, then exclaims "a-HA! I got it!"

Sakuya drags Meiling on her sleeping robe all the way to Remilia's bedroom without saying a word to her.

She places the half-awake Meiling in front of the cabinet and says "the cabinet is making noises. Meiling, please open the doors."

Meiling somberly stares back at Sakuya, then looks at the cabinet.

She grabs the cabinet doors, pull them open, and Flandre bursts out of the cabinet, falling on her seat on the ground, shouting "Ow~ What the hell? What gives!?"

Meiling fully wakes up and asks "Flan!? What were you doing in there?"

Sakuya exclaims "a-ha! So you've been the one hiding in the mistress' cabinet. You should be ashamed!"

Flandre gets up, rubbing her butt and saying "what are you talking about. I was just test-driving a new flying machine that weird kappa girl build using the blueprints of my own."

Sakuya and Remilia both look curiously at Flandre, who suddenly gasps and exclaims "drat! I left the thing on drive!"

Remilia asks "is that a bad thing?"

There is a whirring sound from outside that quickly gets louder, then a large oval flying ship, silver in color, crashes into Remilia's bedroom, destroying the wall and the windows.

After the dust settles, Sakuya pulls her head out of the debris and quickly asks "*cough cough* is everyone ok!?"

Remilia pops her head from under her bed, while Meiling pushes a large chunk of wood from her back, revealing Flandre safely under her.

Remilia shouts "why is this happening to my mansion, DAMMIT!? Sakuya, I DEMAND and explanation for this!!!"

There is a moment of silence, interrupted by a ticking sound.

Remilia says "oy, Sakuya, you should check that watch of yours. It's really loud."

Sakuya casually says "that's not mine."

Flandre face palms and says "now I remember... The ship is nuclear powered. That ticking is the booster installed in it."

Everyone in the room open their eyes wide and stretch their mouths in surprise while staring at Flandre.

Flandre shrugs and says "I was driving just fine before you guys interrupted me."

A massive explosion completely evaporates Remilia's room and sends everyone in the room flying sky high.

With their clothes burned, torn and tattered, they all forcefully fly up to the sky, then stop.

Sakuya sighs and says "it's a good thing we're all safe."

Meiling and Flandre nod, then Meiling says "well, I'm hungry. I'm gonna get some breakfast."

Remilia is trapped inside the belly of the watery monster, screaming her lungs out, yet the others seem to not notice her at all as she falls back to the unforgiving snowy ground.

-

It's mid-day and Meiling stands in front of the gates as usual while people from the village work on restoring Remilia's room.

Kyo's voice can be heard all the way to the gate, shouting "but I'm not even IN this! Why am I working here!?"

Luna's voice is heard replying in a sweet tone "because we are getting paid... now shut up~ or I'll have to get angry~"

Kyo's voice is hear replying in a very nervous tone "whatever you say, honey..."

To Meiling's left, on the pile of burnable garbage, lies Remilia's cabinet.

It starts to jump around and make many bumping sounds from inside.

Meiling sweats; fright and curiosity take over her. She wants to know what's in there, but she's afraid of what might come out.

She tries to ignore the cabinet, but it just bumps and jumps more furiously.

Meiling sighs angrily and says to herself "fine! You wanna play little box, then let's play!"

Meiling rushes to the cabinet, grabs the two doors and pulls them open.

Meiling bursts from inside the cabinet, wearing an aquamarine swimsuit, followed by Flandre, who wears a frilly red swimsuit, then Sakuya, who wears an elegant-looking dark-blue swimsuit, followed by Remilia, who wears a light pink frilly two piece swimsuit, followed by Patchouli who wears a surprisingly revealing skin-tight purple swimsuit with a light violet transparent jacket and a matching sarong on top of it, and last comes Koakuma, wearing a two piece black swimsuit with a pink rose design on the right bosom.

They all look refreshed and happy, then Meiling comments "wow, those head-hunters sure know how to party!"

Sakuya replies "I agree. We figured them wrong, didn't we, my lady?"

Remilia smiles and happily says "yeah. They just wanted to invite us to their party after all."

Patchouli's face turns a little green and while holding her mouth she says "oh... I think I had too much to drink."

Koakuma sweats and smiles, patting her mistress on the back and saying "come on lady Patchouli. Let's go get you some anti-acids."

As they walk back inside Flandre says "sis, maybe you shouldn't throw that cabinet out."

Remilia continues to smile, her face shining as she says "I guess you're right. Maybe I should..."

Remilia's face changes from relaxed to angry in a second, then spreads her wings, her arms and her legs, then waves them all as she angrily shouts "wait, what the HELL just happened here!?"

-

Remilia sleeps in Sakuya's room while her room is being restored.

Sakuya doesn't mind one bit, cuddling with her mistress while sound asleep with a smile on her face and some blood on her nose.

Sakuya stars to moan loudly, waking Remilia up.

The vampire's face turns blue when she realizes she's cuddling with her maid.

Sakuya continues to moan incoherently, however Remilia panics when Sakuya, among the moaning, says "my lady is my wife, you~"

Remilia has manages to escapes Sakuya's embrace and now exists the room as quietly as possible.

The usually quiet corridor is now filled with the voices of the villagers working on her room, however, Remilia's sharp senses pick up a frightening familiar sound.

She hisses as she bares her claws and readies herself offensively, then shouts "you're going DONW!"

The rabid karate night sparrow stands on the carpet, a few feet in front of Remilia, glaring at the vampire with determination in its little black eyes.

They eye each other for a moment, then the night sparrow pulls down on the lower lid of its eye, then lunges face-first at Remilia, who lunges at the same time, bearing her claws and ready to kill.

There is great commotion; the sound of objects breaking all over the mansion wake Sakuya up, who can be heard shouting from the gate "that thing is awake!? I thought it was a NIGHT sparrow!"

Remilia shouts "I'm gonna change its fate, THEN we can have a FAT SPARROW FOR DINNER!!!"

There's another crash and Remilia's battle scream.

Meiling sweats, thinking whether or not to go and help.

Remilia suddenly screams "GIVE ME BACK MY UNDERWARE!"

Sakuya yelps, then shouts "I'm ok~! It seems I fell through the roof!"

Inside the corridor, Remilia and the night sparrow stand next to each other, looking at the hole on the ceiling with disbelief in their eyes and a sweat drop on the left side of their heads.

The sparrow pulls Remilia's bloomers from under its wing and calmly, in a very elegant and masculine voice says "I-I'm sorry, but this is just too easy... Call me later, ok?"

Chirping, the sparrow flies away while Remilia stares on with her mouth open, her eyes hiding under a shadow, and strands of hair springing from all around her head.

From the floor above Sakuya asks "oh my, is that one of the villagers?"

-

It's noon. Meiling is looking tired and bored while holding an umbrella with her left hand.

She asks "my lady, are you sure you wouldn't rather be on a bed...? Inside the mansion?"

Remilia's eyes are red and puffy, her eyelids are dark, the skin under her eyes is swollen and she feels as though she could rip even Reimu in half out of pure frustration.

She looks at Meiling with a most annoyed look on her face, grabs the gatekeeper by her shirt, pulls their faces together, then sounding tired and angry she says "hold the damned umbrella and let me SLEEP!"

She lets go of Meiling, who rapidly stands straight, gulping as cold sweat runs through her face and quietly holds the umbrella.

The cabinet starts jumping again, this time with such force, it jumps all the way to where Meiling and Remilia are.

There is a flapping sound, and when Meiling looks to her left, Remilia is long gone.

From a nearby tree, Remilia says "Me-Me-Meiling, I ORDER you to destroy that thing already!"

Meiling scowls and frowns, then says "my lady, I'm getting to the bottom of this!"

Building up her courage, Meiling walks up to the cabinet and without hesitation she opens the doors.

Reimu pops out of the cabinet, looking bored and with a lazy expression on her face, holding Remilia by the back of her shirt and dropping her on the ground, where the water monster gobbles her up and spins her inside it's stomach.

Reimu looks at Meiling with those lazy, bored eyes, then says "keep her away, will you?"

Reimu gets back inside the cabinet, and right after the doors close, the cabinet consumes itself, vanishing from sight.

Meiling casually walks to her screaming mistress, pulls her out of the monster's belly, then asks "my lady, weren't you on that tree just now."

Remilia starts to sob, then bawls uncontrollably, crying twin waterfalls while rubbing her eyes with her fists.

Meiling panics for a moment, but quickly gives Remilia a hug and rubs her back, saying "it's ok, my lady. Let it all out."

Meiling continues to shush Remilia, trying to comfort her as she takes her back inside the mansion.

Flandre peeks her head from one of the farthest bushes, then gasps and exclaims "JUMY~! Where have you been!? I've been looking all over for you!"

The water monster takes the shape of a puppy once more, then jumps on Flandre, licking her face and making her giggle.

-

It's evening. Remilia is finally sound asleep inside Meiling's room, sniffling occasionally.

Outside the mansion there is a light snowstorm, but even in this cold and somewhat dangerous storm, Sakuya lurks around the back of the mansion, looking around suspiciously.

She approaches one of the few trees that reside inside the mansion walls and knocks on it three times.

Aya and the rabid karate night sparrow rest on one of the tree branches and Aya asks "you get the goods?"

Sakuya asks "you get what I asked for?"

Aya replies "this wasn't easy to get" and tosses a small bag to Sakuya, who tosses a yellow envelope at Aya, saying "well, these weren't easy to get either. But they're worth it."

The night sparrow chirps angrily, then Sakuya says "I didn't forget about you."

From under her skirt, she pulls a silver plate covered with a silver dome.

She pulls the dome off and reveals a well-done piece of meat, which the night sparrow immediately grabs with its tiny claws, and while flying away, contently eats it.

Aya smirks mischievously and says "for the right price, even you would sell your master."

Sakuya winks and says "I'll make it up to her with this. There is enough her to visit Makai AND the new Kappa Resort. Trust me, she'll forget all~ about yesterday."

Aya and Sakuya chuckle, then Aya asks "hey, shouldn't you be waking her up by now?"

Sakuya smiles and says "no. She's too exhausted. Besides, if I wake her up now she might blast me in a fright."

Aya and Sakuya laugh for a moment, then Aya says "oh, these pictures are in high definition. Now I'm sure this was worth the money. But how did you manage such great close-ups?"

On her hand, Aya holds various pictures of Remilia crying, shouting, screaming, falling, spinning, and floating inside the water monster.

Sakuya winks, places her index finger on the side of her nose, then smiles.

Aya smiles back, then flies away with shiny glints in her eyes.

-

The End

Characters, spell cards and scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Budou, Kyo and Luna were created by Willie G.R.

FEB 12 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**First of all know that Remilia Scarlet is my no.1 favorite Touhou character. I just love her charisma breaks too! I know, I know, I was a little too evil.... well, VERY evil to her here. And Sakuya too. Hmm... That maid's dangerous. I mean, she got a few hits herself, but she's the one behind all these mishaps! Wow, talk about being evil! But she did it for a good cause. She's taking her mistress on a well-earned vacation to Makai and the kappa's new resort. Wow, won't Nitori be sorry she built it!**

**I wonder, though. There's this artist who's made a LOT of Remilia-charisma-break mangas. I'm sorry, but I don't know whether this artist is he or she, but the avatar for the self-inserts is a girl... So she must be a she, right? Anyway, the idea of Sakuya taking these pictures came from one of the strips he/she made, where Sakuya sells pictures of her mistress' charisma breaks for large sums of money. However, the rest is truly just me and my incredibly random mind. Oh, that's right. The artist's name. Well, in Danbooru he/she is called "Shino (Ponjiyuusu)". I wonder what this artist might say of this EVIL work I have done... Oh well, I hope you enjoyed reading, and I'll see you on my next work.**

**Oh, by the way, I'm still working on some notes and timings for my next Sukima, AND I'm taking my time re-editing the first Sukima I made. Anyway, again, hope you enjoyed reading. See you on my next story.**


	3. Misfortunate and Some Kappa Mishaps

It's a late winter night at the youkai forest.

There is a light snowstorm blowing through Gensokyo, however the trees in the forest serve as a shield from the snowstorm, so Hina Kagiyama, the curse goddess, goes to the river as usual to collect the many misfortunes on the air.

She hovers right on top of the water and stays floating in the very center of the river.

With a happy smile on her face she raises her arms high in the air and exclaims "misfortunes, come to me!", and starts to spin slowly in place.

Just as some dark-purple clouds surround her, a bone with small bits of dried meat strikes her right between the eyes, accompanied by some chirping sounds.

Hina falls into the water, but quickly flies out of the icy-cold waters and lands on top a rock near the shore, holding the bone on her right hand.

There's another chirp, followed by a song that seems to darken her vision.

Hina looks to the source, finding a small sparrow perching on a tree branch and singing his song.

Hina stands firm on the rock, points at the night sparrow with the bone, then angrily says "hey, that wasn't very nice, little birdie. You shouldn't throw things like these at others!"

The little night sparrow ruffles it's feathers, then flies away, screeching. Hina looks at the bone, throws it away, sighs, then says "cute bird, but he's very naughty."

She floats to the center of the river again, raises her hands in the air, then gets her hands tied up with the very misfortune she was collecting before, held by the little night sparrow.

Hina exclaims "wait, little birdie, don't do that!"

The tiny night sparrow uses the rest of the misfortune clouds to tie Hina's waist, even though she continues to complain.

After tying her up, he lifts her by the same misfortune he used to tie her up, then ties her to the same tree branch he was on earlier.

After hanging her, he climbs on her hair, ruffles his feathers, then nests on the piece of hair tied up by the red frilly bow in front of her chest.

After realizing what happened Hina complains "hey~! No, this just won't do, little bird. Please, let me go~!"

The night sparrow raises it's left wing and smacks her right cheek hard, making her head turn left.

Hina yelps and says "ah-how~! Hey, you're not a very nice bird, you meanie-"

The little night sparrow swings its wing and slaps her left cheek, making her face turn right, then Hina cries "hey~! Stop that. That hurts!"

Again, the sparrow slaps her right cheek, turning her face left, then Hina lowers her face and closes her eyes in defeat, saying "I-I'll be quiet, sir."

From below, Nitori comes looking for Hina, saying to herself "aww, she's not here. And I really needed her help too."

She looks to the tree above, spotting Hina, then shouts "Hina? What are you doing up there!?"

Hina desperately shouts "Nitori~ HELP! This bird kidnapped me!"

There's a smacking sound, then Hina cries "sorry~~!"

Nitori smirks and says "heh, guess it's up to me."

Nitori jumps on a rock next to the river, pulls out a yellow gun and says "alright, I just have to aim and... KYAAA~~!!!"

Somehow, Nitori falls into the river and is carried away by the currents.

Hina looks on as Nitori it taken away, then sighs and says "so much for help."

The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow suddenly flies away, giving Hina a sense of relief, which is soon taken away the moment she realizes she's absorbed the misfortune that was keeping her hanging.

She falls into the river and while being carried away she smiles and shouts "this is most unfortunate~~~!!!"

-

It's late morning, and Nitori is admiring a large hotel-like building with large letters in green on the top that read "Kappa-pa Resort"

She smiles then says to herself "better get things ready for the visitors."

The building inside looks like a fancy, high-tech establishment, with robots working non-stop, an automated registry table, and on the back, a clean-looking pool with an artificial sun, and farther behind, a small artificial beach.

Nitori approaches the automated registry table and asks "Aut-Reg, what's the status?"

A hologram of a kappa girl in a red night dress materializes next to Nitori and says "lady Nitori... Wearing those rags again, I see."

Nitori sweats and smiles nervously while saying "j-just go ahead with the report, will you?"

The hologram sighs and says "fine, my lady. Today's guest are all experiencing great levels of happiness. Two rooms are being emptied, while 5 more are currently being cleaned. Oh, and it seems tomorrow we are receiving a most special guest. Miss Remilia Scarlet from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. She's coming with her maid, it seems."

Nitori gasps and asks "the vampire? Oh my, I get to try out my new invention after all! Aut-Reg, let me handle this guest, please!"

The hologram stares at Nitori with disdain and says "fine, I'll let you tend to these guest, lady Nit..."

The hologram looks around with curiosity and surprise and asks "lady Nitori, where are you?"

Nitori screams her lungs out while she's being dragged away by the river currents on the outside.

-

That afternoon, Hina spins while floating just above the river and contently singing to herself "spin~ Hina, spin~ Spin, spin, spin, Kagiyama spin~ Collecting misfortunes~ with a smile on me~!"

A bird chirps and Hina yelps and jumps into the river, hiding behind the rocks near the shore.

She looks around and realizes it's just a small blue bird on a branch, who pecks some leaves then flies away.

Hina sighs and jumps on the rock, letting her clothes drip while the little winter sunlight warms her up.

She smiles and says to herself "Hina, that was just an unfortunate event. You don't have to be so-"

Hina feels a presence close to her, so she looks to her left. She gasps as her eyes fill with horror and her face turns as pale as a ghost's skin.

She tries to crawl away, but the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, or RKNS for short, flies ahead of her, cutting her escape route.

Hina trembles, then asks "wh-whatever did I do to you!?"

The RKNS lifts its right wing and pulls a picture of Nitori, who is eating a cucumber while staring curiously and surprised at the camera.

He rips the picture in half, breaking Nitori's neck from her body, then chirps menacingly.

Hina springs up and angrily says "what!? Nitori's my friend! I'll never let you!"

The sparrow starts to flap it's wings furiously while glaring at Hina, who pulls her sleeves up and signals the sparrow to attack, saying "I won't let you hurt Nitori, you fiend!"

Taking the mantis position, Hina quickly jumps at the sparrow, who takes the bird position and flies at her while screeching.

Hina shouts "hop! Hay-a~! HA! I don't spin just for fun, you little monster! WHOA, you fight dirty!"

There are smacking and fighting sounds that echo all through the forest, and for some time Hina fights the sparrow.

Hina floats on her back as the river currents take her away.

She smiles embarrassed and with tears under her eyes while holding her skirt she says "that's just so unfortunate! You just wait until next round!"

Her bloomers trail behind her as they both float away from the forest.

The RKNS perches victorious on a tree branch and starts to sing contently after ruffling its feathers.

-

Later that night, Nitori is inside a room surrounded by greasy and dirty gears, looking agitated while hurriedly tightening bolt after bolt.

Aut-Reg's hologram materializes inside the room.

She looks with disgust at the gears and the dirty walls, then clears her throat and says "lady Nitori, the room for our special guest still isn't ready and might not be ready until tomorrow morning."

Nitori continues to work on the gears and hurriedly says "great! Great work. Now please, I'm very busy. The special elevator has a few kinks and bugs. I need to fix it, pronto!"

The hologram frowns for a moment, then says "if I may, lady Nitori, the third gear seems to be jammed by some strawberry, and the electrical mechanism seems to have a broken electric string."

Nitori springs from the lower gears, her face covered in grease while looking a little tired.

She looks at the hologram, smiles, then says "thank you. You know, you really are a great help!"

Nitori pulls out a jar of strawberry jam from the gears, sticks her finger in it, then smacks her lips after tasting the jam and says "still sweet. Want some?"

The hologram turns her nose away and looking disgusted she says "I would NEVER indulge in such barbaric means of sustenance!"

Nitori shrugs and sticks her entire hand inside, pulling out a lot of jam and after placing it in her mouth she says "*nom nom* suit yourself."

She licks her fingers then rushes to a small electrical panel and immediately pulls out a small black string that seems to have been bitten by mice.

She places a pair of large goggles on and stares at it, then says "seems we have pests in here. Aut-Reg, I want extermination bots here on the double..." There is no answer.

Nitori pulls the high-tech goggles off and looks for the hologram, asking "Aut-Reg, where are you?"

The hologram hides in a small and dark room, holding the strawberry jam jar around her arms, gorging herself while saying "*slurp slurp* oh yeah, that's the stuff! *SLURP* Mmm~ Come to mama!!"

Nitori suddenly yelps and the gears all start moving again.

At the artificial beach, Nitori waves her arms and screams for help as she is dragged away by the very artificial waves and currents she created for that beach.

-

Early morning at the Youkai forest.

Hina opens her eyes after much meditation kneeling on the snowy ground, and says to herself "iron will. This misfortune will be dealt with today!"

She ties a black bandanna around her head, then stands up.

She wears a white karate suit tied with a black belt around her waist.

She closes her eyes, lifts one leg while holding her arms clapped together, breathes in deeply, then suddenly opens her left eye and says "today, little one, you will learn humility and respect. You have humiliated me twice and threatened to harm a friend. I will not lose to you again."

Behind her, wearing a black bandana with a red dot in its center, a black karate suit with a golden belt tied just above the end of the shirt, is the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, who chirps casually at Hina.

Hina gasps and angrily replies "how dare you!? I'm a lady! I can't allow you to spew such words! Prepare yourself!"

Hina takes the mantis stance while the RKNS takes an elegant eagle stance while on the ground.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, then Hina shouts and runs straight at her target, throwing a straight kick at the bird.

The sparrow jumps, avoiding the kick, and the fight begins.

Smacking and crunching sounds, along with Hina's war cry and painful screams get the attention of some tengu and kappa, as well as a few lesser youkai.

They quickly form a large circle around the clearing in which the fight is taking place, then suddenly Hina scream "no, no! MERCY~! KYAAHH~~"

The tengu and the kappa cover their eyes, and some youkai even hold their mouths, feeling as though they could throw up right after there's a loud screech and another crunching sound.

There are many more smacking sounds, Hina screaming "no, not the FACE! Wah!"

The spectators all find ways to cover their eyes, some crying "make it stop!"

On the center of the clearing, Hina holds a red pen and tries to draw house, however, the sparrow has already drawn blueprints for an entire castle and sells it to an eager young human.

Hina kicks her large canvas and shouts "you're cheating!"

The sparrow angrily flies at her, slaps her across the face, making her spin in place, then pulls her belt and kicks her to the river.

Meanwhile, a few tengu fly away, one holding the painting of Hina with a subtle smile on her face, and the other holding a strange sculpture of a spinning cloud.

The tengu with the painting says "I'm hanging this in my wall!", while the other smiles and says "this will make a GREAT center-piece."

Hina floats away with her pants following down the river as she cries with embarrassment and says "please help me Eirin~!"

-

It's late morning, and Nitori stands next to the river, looking a little nervous and expectant.

She stands on the tip of her boots and tries to look ahead, but all there is are trees, twigs, snow, and a few stones on the snow-covered road.

Some tengu pass by, raising Nitori's excitement for a moment, but then she calms back down, slumps and says to herself "maybe they aren't coming."

Sakuya asks "who's not coming?"

Nitori yelps, jumps high and falls into the cold river, screaming and waving her arms as she is dragged away by the currents.

Sakuya sweats with a sheepish smile and Remilia sighs annoyed and says "Sakuya, is too soon."

Sakuya continues smiling sheepishly as she grabs the ground and pulls the scene up, revealing Nitori standing right in front of them and saying "welcome to the new Kappa-pa Resort. I'm Nitori Kawashiro, and I'll be your host!"

Sakuya smiles at her mistress, elegantly pointing at Nitori with a smile while Remilia says "much better."

Sakuya asks "well, miss Kawashiro... where's the resort? I can't see it anywhere."

Nitori casually replies "it's under the river."

Remilia sweats and trembles, and sounding a bit annoyed Sakuya says "wait a minute! My lady is weak against water! How are we supposed to-"

Nitori raises her hand and looking proudly she says "please don't worry. I prepared for just such occasion. Since vampires are weak against water and can't cross over moving bodies of water, then we'll go under!"

Nitori presses a red button on a yellow remote, and from the left side, from underground, an elevator rises up and after opening its doors a disembodied woman's voice says "welcome to Kappa-pa Resort. Please enter in an orderly fashion and do enjoy your stay."

Remilia sweats and stares at the elevator, then points at it while looking on in disbelief and asks "is that thing safe?"

There's a chirping sound and Remilia starts to tremble.

Sakuya sweats and places her left hand on her left cheek and says "oh my... Miss Nitori, could you please hurry."

Nitori proudly says "certainly! Please, follow me."

Remilia is already inside the elevator, trembling and shouting "hu-hurry up! That monster is out there!"

Sakuya and Nitori calmly enter the elevator and Sakuya says "my lady, there's no way it's the same bird."

Sounding crazed, Remilia says "I'd recognize that chirping anywhere. NOW MOVE IT!"

The elevator doors close, however unknown to all, the RKNS is hiding under Sakuya's large bow, glaring at Remilia from under the white threads.

Remilia sighs with relief and says "phew. We got away."

Sakuya smiles and asks "so where is this taking us, miss Nitori? ...Miss Nitori?"

Nitori is in the river again, waving her arms and screaming her lungs out as she is dragged up the waterfall, going against the currents.

-

After just 10 minutes of walking though a high-tech tunnel and reaching the resort, Remilia and Sakuya are taken to their room, where Remilia immediately says "well, I'm impressed. Much better than those small boxes in Makai."

Sakuya sweats and nervously smiles while saying "now now, my lady, it wasn't that bad. You even got a window seat there."

Remilia sighs and says "fine, whatever..."

Nitori giggles and says "welcome to your room. We have designed these rooms to be vampire friendly; where little light from our artificial sun enters so you may have a comfortable rest."

Nitori points them to the bathroom and says "and you may actually have relaxing baths without losing any strength, as the bright red light bulb in this room is SPECIALY designed to protect your skin from the acidic burn of the water."

Remilia looks impressed and says "ohh~ you hear that Sakuya?"

Sakuya is lost in blissful though, her nose leaking great amounts of blood, her eyes glassy and full of stars as she holds her arms clapped together beside her cheek.

Remilia's face turns blue at the sight, and the little vampire side-steps away from her maid.

Nitori claps her hands softly while tilting her head to the right and saying "so, if there's anything else you need, please don't hesitate to call on me or one of our robot workers."

There is a thumping sound coming from outside, which startle Remilia and Nitori, and snaps Sakuya back to normal.

Remilia asks "wh-what's that?"

She starts to tremble again, so Sakuya kneels and pats her head, saying "it's alright, my lady. Nothing's going to happen."

Nitori walks outside the room to the balcony, where in the center are a few hot tubs with metallic curtain options.

She walks back inside and says "that's odd. There's a cabinet there."

Remilia and Sakuya both twitch, then Sakuya asks "a... cabinet?"

Nitori calmly says "come look!"

Nitori hears their footsteps getting closer, then suddenly hears the violent flapping of wings and the quick tapping of running feet.

She looks to where Sakuya and Remilia were supposed to be, but only finds vanishing clouds of dust.

From the balcony at the other side of the resort, Remilia shouts "DESTROY THAT THING!!!"

From across the long balcony, Sakuya shouts "don't open that!!!"

Nitori looks curiously at the cabinet, gets closer, grabs the doors, then says "what's the deal with this...?"

She opens the doors and out bursts Nitori, wearing a dirty white rag over her body and nothing else, looking dirty and full of bruises.

She looks around, looking disoriented and scared, then shouts "wah... where am I? Did I make it back?"

Sakuya gets closer and says "we warned you."

Nitori cries inconsolably and hugs Sakuya, saying "it was horrible! No food, no water, and they took my clothes! I had to run around naked for 3 days before finding this!"

Remilia gets closer and says "just destroy that thing!"

From behind Remilia, the RKNS strikes suddenly and hard, chirping menacingly. All Remilia can do before being intercepted is shriek and try to fly away.

-

Inside the garbage disposal of the resort, the remaining pieces of the cabinet lie scattered around on their own, except for the two doors, which lie on top of a large garbage bag.

Hina burst out of the doors, covered in garbage, burns, bruises, and her clothes are in tatters and torn around her belly, leaving her abdomen and back completely exposed.

She wobbles as she stands and says "ow, ow, ow, ow. Ever since that bird I've been plagued with so much misfortune. Ow~! Who knew Nitori could handle a saw like that."

She looks at the remaining pieces of the cabinet as they are being taken by a mechanical hand toward a large furnace, where they emanate large quantities of misfortune as they burn.

Hina sighs and says "oh well. I have to find that bird before it hurts Nitori."

The mechanical arm comes back and grabs Hina's skirt.

The curse goddess struggles with the arm, but only manages to have her skirt ripped, causing herself to spin like a top as the arm pulls on the skirt, ripping it off like an orange skin.

The arm manages to take away a large chunk of her skirt before Hina finally stops spinning.

After shaking off her dizziness she realizes she's showing off her dark-red panties, covered only by a small strand of skirt, making her look as though she's wearing a frilly bikini along with her large boots.

Realizing this, Hina whines and shouts "this is getting ridiculous! Someone's making fun of me, I just KNOW IT!"

Regardless of her embarrassment, Hina looks on with courage as she looks at the exit and says "no matter. Once that bird is gone, I'm sure everything will be alright. Time to save Nitori!"

She takes one step forward, then falls upward, making a loud clanking sound, along with a moan as she says "uuu~ seems I fell through the roof."

-

It's mid-day, and Remilia and Sakuya are enjoying a relaxing rest under a large umbrella at the artificial beach, wearing their swimsuits, even though they aren't really going for a swim, and Remilia is also sporting a bandage around her left shoulder and one around her head.

Meanwhile, Hina discovers an exit from the furnaces on the mountains that adorn the artificial beach.

She looks with curiosity around, then flies out of the door which closes right after she leaves.

Long before reaching the shores, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow flies close by and notices Hina.

He blushes after his eyes almost pop out from their little sockets, then wolf-whistles at her.

Hina's face turns dark red, her eyes hiding under her blushing shadow.

Embarrassed, she yelps and tries to cover herself up, saying "please don't look. I'm not decent!"

She forgets to fly and falls straight to the waters below, then gets dragged away by the currents and waves toward the shore while screaming and waving her arms in despair.

The RKNS blushes some more while flying and looking over many pictures he managed to take of Hina before she even noticed him.

-

Hina washes to the shore on her face, trembling and saying "so... much... misfortune."

Being the first one to notice, Sakuya rushes to Hina's aid, shouting "hey~! Miss, are you alright!?"

Hina struggles to push herself up and stand on her feet with some help from Sakuya while saying "never mind! There's a very dangerous creature in here, and he wants to hurt Nitori. I have to save her!"

Sakuya sweats, her face turn blue and she start to tremble, then asks "you-you-you wouldn't happen to be hunting for a little night sparrow, would you?"

Hina gasps and says "oh my, I seems that creature has surrounded you and your friend with so much misfortune!"

Remilia gets closer and asks "Sakuya, what's going on?"

Hina yelps and shouts "OH MY~! You poor dear vampire! Your misfortune far surpasses anything I've ever seen... I see. That bird."

Remilia twitches, then nervously looks around, trembling and asking "bird? What bird!? I see no bird. SAKUYA~!"

Smiling, Sakuya says "it's alright my lady, he's not..."

There's a loud chirp right above them, and flapping his wings and staring at the three girls menacingly is the RKNS.

Remilia's face fills with horror, Sakuya turns pale and Hina slowly backs away.

Sakuya shouts "WAIT A MINUTE! There's 3 of us and only 1 of him! Let's combine our power to-"

The sparrow squawks and Sakuya screams for help as chirping and fast smacking sounds echo all over the beach.

Sakuya lies on her face and manages to write "sparrow" on the sand before blacking out, and now the little bird stands on her back, glaring at Remilia, then at Hina who stands a few feet across the beach from Remilia.

Remilia takes another step backward, and so does Hina, who smacks a small child on the head with her hand by accident.

The child cries so Hina panics, kneels and says "oh, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry! You poor child, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

The child's mother stands behind Hina, tapping her foot on the sand and glaring at the curse goddess.

Hina sweats, stands aside, and just as the mother picks up her child, she kicks sand on Hina's eyes and says "you bully. Don't let me catch you near my child again!"

Meanwhile, Remilia continues to back away from the sparrow, placing her arms in front of herself and saying "now calm down... I'm not even bothering you!"

The little bird takes on hop toward Remilia, who yelps, crouches, and holds her head with her arms while trying to wrap herself with her wings.

The little sparrow smirks, then turns to face Hina, realizing she's glaring at him with glowing red eyes while fire rises from behind her.

Hina is furious and says "you spawn from the deepest abyss, you enjoy picking on little children! Look what you made me do to that poor child! You are SO DEAD!"

The RKNS chirps in fright after Hina pulls an automatic rifle from her hair while laughing maniacally, then flies away as fast as he can.

She fires her weapon, cackling and shouting "DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE~! AH HAHAHA~~!"

Remilia shrieks at the sight, rushes as fast as possible to Sakuya, then flies away from the beach with her maid, along with the many other visitors.

The little sparrow dodges all the high-speed shots with ease, flying away from Hina, then suddenly the bullets stop and there's silence.

Nitori struggles with Hina, shouting "you can't use those things here! You might hit something!"

Hina shouts back "I have to save you~!"

The night sparrow takes this chance and swoops down to take care of Hina and Nitori.

He's mere inches away from striking, then the two girls fall down a hole on the sand.

The sparrow looks around in surprise, but smiles and looks at the resort building with wicked intent.

Meanwhile, Hina and Nitori enjoy a warm cup of tea at the Moriya Shrine, where Budou sits in front of them across the table, giggles, then says "you two got owned!"

-

It's noon, and Hina and Nitori arrive to the seemingly peaceful resort.

Hina wears a green camouflage outfit while Nitori has painted herself with black dye under her eyes.

They look at each other, then nod with determination and slowly head to the Kappa-pa Resort building.

Meanwhile, Remilia is enjoying a bath inside the tub, however she is so unsettled about the RKNS, she's constantly flinching and looking over her shoulders, even when there's so much peace and quiet.

Sakuya knocks softly on the door, making Remilia hop and yelp, then asks "my lady, are you alright in there?"

Remilia angrily shouts "DON'T DO THAT! Ugh! Yes, I'm fine. Just keep watch and don't even BLINK!"

Outside, looking disappointed and a little depressed, Sakuya sighs and says "as you wish, my lady."

With tears in her smiling face, Sakuya thinks "but I rather be with you, my lady~."

From inside, Remilia screams, there's an unsettling loud thump, then water seeps from under the bathroom door.

Sakuya bursts the door open, shouting "my lady, what's wrong!!?"

Remilia has wrapped herself with a towel and clings on the roof while breathing heavily and looking scared beyond her wits.

Trembling and without saying a single word, Remilia points to the left side of the tub, and when Sakuya takes a better look, she turns pale, her face turns blue, then she says "but that kappa completely destroyed it!"

The cabinet that Nitori had destroyed stands firmly on the bathroom floor, looking ominous amongst the bathroom decorations.

Remilia, still clinging on the ceiling, shouts "SAVE ME!"

Sakuya yelps and there's a loud crunching sound.

Remilia shouts "Sakuya, what happened!?"

Remilia drops from the ceiling and walks to where Sakuya was, then looks up at a hole on the roof, then shouts "Sakuya, answer me!"

From the room above, Hina says "so unfortunate. I fell through the roof again."

Remilia sweats as she looks up the hole with fright and surprise.

At the beach, Sakuya, wearing a white two-piece swimsuit, and the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, are having a surfing contest.

Sakuya happily laughs and loudly says "this is so much fun... but I feel I'm forgetting something!"

The night sparrow, while hanging 4, two claws from each leg, shrugs at the surfing maid.

Sakuya laughs and loudly says "well, I hope it's nothing important!"

-

Later that night, Nitori and Hina sneak around the resort's surroundings together.

Nitori whispers "hey, Hina. I think that's him!"

She points at one of the hot tubs, where Sakuya is taking a dip, her head full of bumps, sniffling and saying "but I didn't do anything wrong, my lady."

Hina sweats and forces a sheepish smile as she says "that's the vampire child's maid."

Nitori edges Hina, saying "no, the other one!"

Two hot tubs ahead, the RKNS is enjoying a dip, chirping contently while grabbing a small cup of sake and taking small sips.

Hina sweats, but shakes off the shock and says "alright. Let's execute the plan!"

When she looks to Nitori she realizes she's already approaching the little bird as quietly as possible with bright glints in her eyes.

Hina face palms herself, then says "good thing I got a plan B."

Nitori's crescent smile widens as she gets closer to her target's back, and as quietly as possible, she pulls on a small string next to the key on her chest and from her backpack a set of 6 mechanical arms pop, two with spiked fists, two with drills, and two more with fly-swatter extensions.

All arms move in unison and Nitori immediately uses all 6 to strike at the bird, but the night sparrow jumps out of the water to pour more sake in his cup, making Nitori miss him and strike the water instead.

The little bird opens his eyes wide in surprise as Nitori screams in pain as she is electrocuted by the water and her own invention.

She explodes and is forcefully blown away, and by the time the little night sparrow turns around, she is long gone.

The bird shrugs, pours the sake in his cup, and after taking a quick sip of sake, he jumps right back into the water.

Outside, Nitori's entire backpack is being dragged by the river currents, waving it's metallic arms around as if calling for aid.

Nitori runs on dry land, chasing her backpack and shouting "I got you! I got you~!"

Meanwhile, inside the resort, Hina spins while on one leg, softly saying "spin away these misfortunate events!"

-

Later that night, at one of the 3 empty rooms on the top floor, Nitori and Hina quietly sneak inside, this time with Aut-Reg's hologram following them.

Once inside, the hologram quietly closes the door behind them and silently hovers to the bathroom, which is all the way across the large room going past the bedroom door.

Nitori looks around the room and angrily says "the most expensive room, even."

Hina shushes her and whispers "not so loud. If he finds us here, he'll just beat us up again."

Nitori trembles and sweats, then whispers "I never knew a cat's tail could be that dangerous."

There are snore-like chirps coming from the main bedroom, and Nitori and Hina quickly get their guards up and approach the bedroom.

Slowly and steady they tip-toe closer and closer and finally reach the it.

Nitori pulls out a yellow laser gun from her backpack, while Hina pulls out a spell card from her camouflage shirt.

They count to 3 with their hands and kick the door down, finding a tape recorder playing the night sparrow's snores over and over.

Nitori grabs the tape recorder, turns it off, looks at Hina and says "for a tape recorder, the quality is amazing... Hey, didn't you have a spell card on your hand?"

Hina looks at her empty hand, sweats, then says "uh-oh. Not good!"

Behind them is the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, holding Hina's card with a wicked smile.

Looking terrified Nitori asks "that wouldn't be 'Old Lady Ohgane's Fire', would it?"

Hina sweats with a sweet smile on her face and adds "It's lunatic leveled even."

Nitori moans as her eyes hide under shadow.

The spell card is activated and both girls are blasted almost immediately out of the room through the door, then land on their backs at the Hakurei Shrine.

They get up, dust themselves, then Nitori asks "where the heck are we?"

From behind, sounding very annoyed, Reimu replies "and why would you two be inside my shrine at these hours?"

Nitori and Hina look around, then notice the cabinet Remilia is so scared of.

Nitori points at it and asks "hey, wasn't this inside the vampire's bathroom?"

Reimu replies before Hina "it was a gift from Remilia... now get out before I have to kick you out!"

Hina ignores Reimu and says "that's odd. Not only did I see this getting burned, but now there's nothing in this cabinet. No magic, no curses, no nothing... how did we end up here?"

Form outside the shrine, sounds of cracking bones, crunching wood, danmaku blasts and tickling feathers unsettle the night.

The sliding doors open up, and like a giant human ball, Reimu kicks out Hina and Nitori, sending them flying the hard way back home.

Hina cries "such a violent maiden!"

-

Nitori and Hina, who has changed back to her normal clothes, arrive at morning to the resort and find Aut-Reg's hologram and all the worker robots holding picketing signs and shouting "no oil, no work! Nitori is a big fat jerk!"

Hina watches as Nitori calmly stares, then asks "well aren't you worried?"

Nitori smiles casually and says "no, no, it's alright. I programmed them to hold strikes every 2 months... for fun."

Hina sweats and says to herself "well that's amazing, isn't it."

They approach the striking robots, and immediately all greet them, saying "good morning lady Nitori! Good morning guest Hina!"

Nitori smiles and asks "so how's the strike going?"

Aut-Reg approaches Nitori, slaps her face twice, then smiles and says "it's going well. I just struck lady Nitori and got two more oil points!"

Nitori casually smiles and says "good, good. Next time, try to slap me a little softer, alright?"

The hologram bows with a most content smile on her face and says "will keep that in mind, lady Nitori."

Nitori giggles and says "carry on, then."

Hina stares in complete shock as Nitori simply walks away so casually, then laughs after one of the robots kicks her butt and shouts "10 oil points!" and the others cheer afterward.

-

TWO DAYS LATER

The Kappa-Pa Resort building looks cleaner than ever, the hot tubs and the pool are full of visitors, and the artificial beach has become a place for friendly surfing contest and beauty competitions.

Nitori and Hina watch all from the highest room in the building, which Nitori calls her 'headquarters', or just 'main office'.

Hina turns to Nitori and says "I must say, that sparrow really surprised me!"

Nitori replies "me too. I never would have guessed he was the inspector I was expecting a few days before."

Hina giggles and nods, then says "my, his ideas were simply brilliant. Look at all these guests. Human AND youkai."

Nitori laughs and says "yes, it's a little more than I expected... so I'm leaving the hosting to Aut-Reg and the other kappa... So many people and youkai. It makes me nervous."

Hina smiles, points outside, then says "ah, look at that woman with the two-toned hair. She looks quite happy."

Nitori smiles and says "wish I could say the same for miss Remilia. It seems mister sparrow simply loves messing with her, so she's giving the resort a bad review, since I wouldn't chase it away."

Hina sighs and says "that's bad. Oh well, I guess we won't be receiving vampire guests for a while. Still... it was mean of that sparrow to scare me and beat me up like that... Right Nitori..? Nitori are you...?"

Hina looks around but can't seems to find Nitori anywhere.

She looks outside and spots Nitori inside the pool, waving her arms and screaming for help as the water swirls and swallows itself along with her.

Hina sighs and says "and yet there's so much misfortune around her. Oh well... KYAH~!"

Hina takes one step away from the window, turns upside down, then falls through the roof.

Sakuya says "ow~! How did I fall through the roof this time?"

Hina opens the room to the office and while peeking inside she says "that's odd. I thought I just heard voices."

-

It's late night.

The snowstorms have stopped and the snow has started to melt.

Hina is at the shore of the river, kneeling in front of Remilia and staring straight into the vampire's eyes.

She looks seriously at Remilia and asks "are you ready?"

Remilia cries "please, just do it already! I can't even sleep peacefully anymore!"

Hina smiles and says to Sakuya "now whatever happens, don't let anyone or anything interrupt. If we do this half-way it could backfire or land on someone else. Possibly you!"

Sakuya smiles nervously and says "I-I'll do my best."

Hina smiles, stands up, then says "misfortune, come to me!"

She spins on the tip of her feet slowly while hovering just above the ground.

An enormous purple cloud becomes visible around Remilia and its slowly being absorbed into Hina's own body.

Sakuya gasps and thinks "wow, so I guess this wasn't all my fault after all."

A bit of the cloud enters Hina's body when there's a loud chirping sound and a yelp form Remilia, along with violent flapping noises.

Sakuya shouts "no, my lady! That's not him!", then chases after Remilia.

The cloud is left behind so Hina continues to spin, absorbing the thick misfortune concentration.

A silver washtub with purple stars painted on it falls on Hina's head, knocking her out cold as Nitori rapidly floats by in the river, waving her arms and screaming for help as she is dragged away by the currents.

The unconscious Hina is unable to absorb anymore of the misfortune could, which floats away toward the Forest of Magic, carried away by the soft winter winds.

The RKNS chirps contently, landing on Hina's legs and lifting her skirt, taking a picture, and after letting her skirt drop, in a deep and manly voice he says "I shall return, my precious."

-

The End

Characters, Spell cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Budou and The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow (RKNS) were created by Willie G.R.

FEB 16 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Must I say it again? I love these Touhou characters! It's just that it's so much fun messing with them. Heh, I might do another Hijiri mishap chapter.... but not yet. There are MANY characters to cover. Including my OCs.**

**I read these chapters and think to myself: Physics? FORGET PHYSICS!!! Why can't we fall up, or climb left? Why can't an apple bounce on water while a sunflower cuts through a tree like a saw. Why is it that nobody can figure how many licks doe it take to got to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop!? And who says we can't just run around in our thoughts while eating cloud puffs as we are chased by a happy little oni that wants to stuff sake down our throats? I could go on, but I can't seem to think of something random to add here. Oh well. Hope you enjoy. Oh... and my next target? Let's say the Forest of Magic is in for some mishaps.  
**


	4. Dollhouse Mishaps Featuring Shinki

It's a quiet wintery dawn at the Forest of Magic.

The snow is slowly beginning to melt away, nourishing the land with plenty of water and minerals for the return of spring.

Alice Margatroid exits her house on her own, leaving the door slightly open so that Shanghai and Hourai can follow her after waking up.

The magician puppeteer heads to the forest with a small brown basket on hand, her black grimoire inside the basket, and a smile on her face, and right after she's out of sight, Shanghai and Hourai exit the house.

Shanghai hurriedly says "Hourai, you always take too long! Mom's already in the forest! Come on!"

Hourai yawns as she flies out the door and somberly closes it with a strong push, then yawns and says "I saw a kitty the size of the house in my dream."

Shanghai stares blankly at her for a moment, then snaps out of her surprise and says "come on, we have to catch up to mama Alice!"

In a small clearing hidden between tall trees and bushes, Alice is happily collecting leaves, twigs and some really rare mushrooms with magical properties.

There's strange chirping around her, but she disregard it, thinking it's just some passing birds.

She blinks and says to herself "wait a minute? Why's my sight turning dark so sud..."

She quickly stands up defensively, taking her grimoire in hand and pulling a spell card from under her capelet then shouts "what do you want with me, miss eel-cart vendor!?"

There is no reply and the bird's song only gets louder.

Alice's vision diminishes, but she manages to sense where the night sparrow is, so she summons 5 dolls around her, points at the trees directly in front of her and shouts "Curse Sign – Hourai Doll!"

The 5 dolls position themselves in front of Alice's hand and all fire a single purple beam each, destroying many branches from the trees and successfully quieting the bird and regaining her full vision.

The dolls fall on the ground as Alice calms down and stands up straight, pushing a few strands of hair away from her face and saying "well that's that."

She turns around to pick up her basket, and the moment she touches it, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow flaps its wings and furiously chirps as he flies out of the basket, holding a pair of bloomers on his little claws.

Alice yelps and falls on her seat, then starts to shiver as the little melting snow on the ground seeps through the fabric on her skirt.

She looks at the bird and it's prize then exclaims "wait! What in the name of..."

Alice pats her thighs, gasps, blushes beet red and shouts "gi-GIVE THOSE BACK you pervert!!!"

The RKNS flies in a circle, chirping contently and victoriously, displaying his prize with pride.

Alice stands up in a rage and shouts "I'm going to COOK you for that!"

Alice lifts both arms above her head, and there's a ripping sound. Alice looks at the bird with surprise, then in complete shock.

The little sparrow now has her underwear and her capelet, showing them to Alice with a smirk on his face.

Shanghai and Hourai are just about to reach the clearing when Alice runs away past them, her face bright red, her eyes hidden under a shadows as she covers them with her forearm, crying and shouting "I'll get back to you for that~!"

Shanghai shouts "wait, mama!!"

Shanghai looks to Hourai but quickly realizes she's gone.

She calls "Hourai, where did you go~ *sob*! Why did you all leave me alone like this!?"

From the clearing, Hourai calls back "over here!"

Shanghai nervously flies to the clearing and desperately looks for Hourai, spotting her on a tree branch, wrapped in a white cloth along with the night sparrow.

Shanghai asks "Hourai, what are you doing?"

Hourai looks very content as she wraps herself around Alice's clothes some more, and with a smile on her tiny face she says "mama's clothes are so warm~."

Shanghai gets annoyed, prepares a small beam, then shouts "mama Alice just ran away crying and you're sleeping!?"

She fires a beam at Hourai, misses, and breaks off the tree branch instead, and successfully and miraculously avoids getting crushed under it as it falls.

Hourai falls down hard, still wrapped around Alice's clothes, however the little sparrow is now gone.

Shanghai asks "and where's that bird?"

Hourai replies "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

-

Shanghai and Hourai wander aimlessly around the Forest of Magic, diligently searching for the bird.

Shanghai asks "Hourai, did you find him yet?"

Hourai shakes her little head and says "all I could find was this rubbish."

From her pockets she pulls a ten thousand yen mark, a golden ring that after touching the ground it revives the entire area, making the place look like spring has just arrived, a picture of Kyo, Agava, who shouts "I'm free!", then flies away, and finally she drops Shinki on the ground.

Shanghai quickly exclaims "GRAMMA~~! Hourai, you found gramma!"

Hourai stares at Shinki for a moment, smiles, then says "no wonder she looked so familiar!"

Shinki stands up and says "Shanghai, Hourai, where's Alice?"

Shanghai takes a deep breath and says "mama Alice was crying because this bird took her underwear while she was still wearing it and after waking Hourai up for the second time we decided to hunt him down and make him apologize to mama Alice so she can stop crying again!"

Shinki and Hourai stare with blank smiles at Shanghai for a moment, then Shinki suddenly frowns, scowls, and shouts "Alice!? Underwear!? Crying!? HIM~!? A boy saw my baby Alice's unmentionables while she screamed for mercy!? This is an OUTRAGE!"

Shanghai softly says "um, that's not exactly right."

Shinki continues "alright girls! Let's hunt this boy down and beat him up REAL GOOD! After that we'll make him take responsibility and marry Alice!"

Hourai asks "a wedding?"

Shinki crosses her arms across her chest, closing her eyes while nodding and saying "why of course! If a man takes a woman's innocence away, it's only appropriate for that man to TAKE responsibility, and marry that woman, so they can live happily ever after in an enchanted castle full of flowers, and slowly fill it with lots and lots of darling grandchildren for me to visits and cuddle and care for. It's going to be GREAT!"

Shinki now holds her hands clapped together against her right cheek while her eyes twinkle with excitement.

Hourai adds "Ooh~!! That sounds GREAT! So who's the husband!?"

While Shinki and Hourai elaborate, Shanghai stares at them, face palms herself, then sighs and says "somehow, this has become something completely different."

An 8 foot water wave courses by where Shinki and Hourai are, and now both wave their arms and scream for help as the watery wave drags them away.

Shanghai stares casually and simply follows after them.

Hiding behind the trees, the three mischievous fairies, Sunny Milk, Luna Child, and Star Sapphire, watch as the event takes place.

Sunny's eyes glint with a mischievous crescent smile and Star asks "when do we strike?"

Sunny, in a wicked undertone replies "on the next scene *giggle*."

Luna looks away from the others and in a dreamy tone she says "let's not fly away now. We might end up hurt."

A large block of ice falls next to Luna, scaring her into flying to the sky with a scream, and from the sky Cirno's voice says "courtesy of the strongest!"

-

Alice walks out of her house wearing a fresh set of clothes and looking more relaxed.

After closing the door she sighs loudly and says "what a mess. I left Shanghai, Hourai and my basket behind. Poor dears must be so worried. I better go pick them up."

Alice's eyes open wide, her pupils shrink and her entire body shivers the moment a familiar chirp reaches her ears.

She thinks of going back in, but she bravely faces away from her door, raises a fist in the air, then says "you leave me alone! I have to look for my girls!"

Without Alice's notice, a small beak reaches her left ear, and in a suave voice, the RKNS says "chirp, sweetie."

Alice yelps and jumps right out of her clothes, and like a blur, crashes right through the roof of her house.

The little sparrow flies away toward the forest with a content look of accomplishment.

-

At a narrow road of the forest, Sunny says "I know I said 'on the next scene' but we had to pick Luna up. Star, are they coming?"

Star looks around and says "they're just ahead."

Sunny turns to Luna, who has her head full of bumps, then says "Luna, make sure they can't hear a thing!"

Luna looks annoyed and sounding even more annoyed she replies "I know what to do already!"

Luna smirks mischievously and says "then let's have a few laughs *giggle*"

Meanwhile, Shinki leads the two dolls across the narrow road, saying "well, whether he has feathers or not, that monster still has to marry my Alice. It's only the right thing to do."

Shanghai stutters "but, but gramma, it's not like that-"

Hourai interrupts Shanghai, saying "I hope the cake is tasty!"

Shinki stops right below the branch where the three fairies are, looks curiously at the two dolls, then asks "you two can eat? But aren't you dolls?"

Hourai hovers closer to Shinki, opens her mouth, then says "I have a tongue, so I can taste things!"

Unheard by the three below, Sunny shouts "NOW!"

Shinki feels as though something hits her left shoulder. When she looks, she has a white snake with a pink mouth hissing at her.

Shinki's hair stands on end as she shrieks and shouts "A SNAKE! Get it off, get it off! Yumeko, get it off!"

Hourai suddenly screams "AHH! Your legs! My legs! Our legs!"

Shinki is stepping on many of those white snakes while others are coiling their tails around Hourai's waist and tiny legs, and at the same time, more snakes fall from the trees, one coiling around Shinki's neck.

The goddess from Makai panics and shouts "HELP! They're going to eat me, HELP~~!"

Hourai shouts "MAMA~ I'm scared! Mama, where are you!?"

Shinki shouts along with Hourai "Alice! Alice, where are you!?"

The three fairies giggle, then Star says "hey, why not throw in a black python!?"

Sunny exclaims with excitement "great idea!"

Before they can do anything, they notice Shanghai floating right in front of Sunny's face.

Sunny sweats, then asks "Luna, Star? Can this one see us?"

Star shrugs and Luna says "well it's not my fault! My powers are working just fine."

Shanghai smiles and waves her little hand at the fairy, who gasps and says "she can see us! How is that even possible!"

Shinki and Hourai stop screaming after the snakes suddenly vanish, then Hourai exclaims "they weren't real gramma!"

Shinki takes deep breaths of relief and says "thank goodness. I wasn't sure how to explain that one to Yumeko."

Both girls hug each other in a sudden fright when quick and continuous smacking sounds, along with three girls screaming in pain, fill the forest.

Shinki and Hourai look up, then Shinki says "oh my, SHANGHAI!"

Hourai exclaims "my goodness! Mama never taught us that!"

From far behind, Shanghai asks "taught us what?"

Hourai and Shinki double-take various times before looking up again, then back at Shanghai, then Shinki asks "how are you doing that!?"

The three fairies fall from the branch and fall on top of Shinki and Hourai, and the ground below them rises to the heaven.

Shanghai looks up as the large round chunk of earth flies away and is quickly replaced by another round chunk of earth that whirs its way back up, sealing the hole that had been left behind.

Shanghai stares at the patch of ground and shrugs, then casually continues her way.

-

Back home, Alice finishes patching the hole on the roof of her house with a few boards.

She wipes her forehead with her arm and says "well, that was a hassle, but it's done. Now time to look for my..."

Alice's stomach growls so loud, the ladder she stands on shakes a little.

Alice blushes and says "guess I'm a little hungry. Alright, a quick apple and I'm off to look for my girls."

As she goes down the ladder she says to herself "oh, I know they are strong, but I can't help but worry for them."

Alice goes to her kitchen, grabs and apple from a basket on her table, then says "this should do... whoops!"

Alice drops her apple on to the sink which is full of dirty dish water.

She tries to grab it before it falls in, but misses. The apple bounces on the water, then goes back to Alice's hands.

Alice stares at the water with shock and curiosity, and nervously she pokes it with her finger. It sinks right in.

Alice stares at the apple, then says "maybe I'll have another apple."

She places the apple on the table and as her hand reaches for another apple, Alice yelps and her hand disappears, followed by a loud crunching sound.

From the roof, Sakuya's voice says "ooh~! I fell through the roof again."

Alice storms into the kitchen, gasps when she notices the hole on the roof, then shouts "what the hell!? But I just fixed the roof!!"

-

At the forest, on a wide road full of bushes and tall trees, the three fairies prepare another trap.

Star and Luna stand on the left side of the road, looking worried and a bit tired.

Luna asks "Sunny, are you sure you want to try again? That doll saw right through us!"

Sunny stands on the right side behind a bush.

She peeks her head from under it glaring daggers at her two friends, then shouts "that was a random mishap! Nothing more! Now GET ready, you two! STAR!?"

Star flinches, then says "th-they're coming, they're coming!"

Sunny glares at the two fairies and says "good, now HIDE!"

Sunny sinks back inside the bush while Star finds a bush next to her and hides under it, and Luna runs behind a tree.

From the distance, Hourai shouts "GET HIM!"

The RKNS flies right through the path where the fairies are at such speeds, the fairies aren't certain if they saw something.

Shinki and Hourai fly after him, Shinki shouting "come back you fiend! You have to marry my daughter!"

From father ahead the sparrow can be heard chirping rapidly, then Shinki replies "ALICE IS SEXY you fool!"

Just as Shinki and Hourai fly by, Sunny shouts "GOT YOU!"

In the blink of the eye the trees around the area fall down hard, trapping under them Shinki, Hourai, Sunny and Star.

Away from the wreckage, Shanghai and Luna stand on the ground, staring at their fallen allies with neutral expressions.

Shanghai prepares to speak, but the ground in front of them explodes, sending all the fallen trees and youkai flying to the air.

The trees all fall upright in place, then fall Shinki, then Star and Sunny, and last is Hourai, each on top of the other.

Shanghai and Luna continue to stare, then the RKNS swoops down, grabs Shinki and the girls, then tosses every single one of them away like a bag of garbage, and with that he chirps contently and flies away.

Luna and Shanghai's bellies rumble, then Luna asks "you like coffee?"

Shanghai nods and says "some sweet bread would be nice too."

-

Alice has finished patching the second hole on the roof and is now running as fast as she can back to the forest.

As she runs with a determined face, she thinks "Shanghai, Hourai, I'm so sorry for leaving you behind like that! Don't you worry, though! Mama's coming for you!"

Alice feels as though her face and her entire body is being crushed against two walls, then falls on her back on the ground.

She rubs her head and says "ow, ow, ow, ow. What just happened?"

In front of her is an elegant dual-door cabinet that's making many bumping sounds from within, as well as jumping in place.

Alice flinches and quickly backs away then gets annoyed and shouts "what in blazes is going on around here?! Where did this THING come from, and WHY IS IT SO NOISY!?"

Alice grabs the doors and quickly pulls them open.

The RKNS burst out from within, follow by the cackling Remilia, who holds a fork and a knife and wears a bib with a cooked chicken picture.

Remilia chases after the sparrow and shouts "HOLD STILL! This will only hurt the first three bites!!!"

The sparrow stops in mid-air and confidently points above toward the sun.

Remilia narrows her eyes as she glares at him, then growls and says "you win THIS round!"

Remilia flies back down then enters the cabinet, which closes right behind her.

From inside she screams "WAH~!!! Get me OUT of here!"

Alice quickly opens the two doors and out bursts Alice, wearing a light-blue swimsuit with white frills around the thighs.

She looks around disoriented and asks "am I finally home?"

She gently passes her hands around the ground under her and sounding crazed she shouts "I FINALLY MADE IT! I'm HOME~!! Shanghai, Hourai! I'm home!"

A watery wave quickly passes by, trapping Alice in its watery currents, but the puppeteer stands on a board and surfs the wave as it heads inside the forest.

Excitedly, Alice shouts "Oh-ho YEAH! This is just like Mai-Waii!"

-

Lost in the deepest parts of the forest, Shanghai, Hourai, Shinki and the three little fairies look for a way back to the road.

Shinki, Hourai and Star are having an argument about a proper wedding for Alice and the little sparrow, which Shinki still believes is a young youkai in disguise.

Sunny is lost in her own thoughts, trying to figure out how her powers keep failing around Shanghai, and Shanghai and Luna are quietly following, since every time they try to suggest something they are either ignored, or Shinki turns a simple word into another wedding argument.

The party stops on their tracks when the song from a bird reaches them.

Shinki exclaims "it's him! Alice's fiancé!"

Sunny grabs Luna and pushes her in front, saying "don't let that thing near me!"

Star says "I can't sense him anywhere! What's going on!?"

Hourai asks "what's a 'fiancé' gramma Shinki?"

Shinki smiles motherly toward the curious doll, but before she can answer, Sunny shouts "he's in front!"

The RKNS swoops down using all his speed, ready to strike the entire party; Shinki prepares a spell card, Hourai readies herself with a large lance, and the three fairies embrace each other, trembling in fear and cheering on Shinki and Hourai.

Everyone is ready, the sparrow is in reach, then a large water monster passes right between them, carrying a screaming Remilia spinning in its belly, then casually leaves the scene.

Everyone stares awestruck, then an 8-foot wave passes by and drags the party along with it, all screaming for help and waving their arms in the air.

Shanghai stands 2 inches away from all the mess and looks at the RKNS from across the road.

The bird shakes of the shocked face, then points at Shanghai menacingly and then flies away, chirping victoriously.

The little doll sighs, now holding a first-aid kit on her hands, and as she casually flies after her friends she says to herself "it's alright, Shanghai, it's ok. Someone's probably practicing a new spell. Yeah, that's it... A runaway spell."

-

Meanwhile, Alice Margatroid, who somehow changed into her regular winter clothes, walks into the clearing where she first met the perverted little sparrow.

She finds her basket and quickly looks all around, but can't find Shanghai or Hourai anywhere.

She takes a deep breath of air and as loudly as she can she calls "Shanghai~!! Hourai~~!! Where are you!?" There's no answer.

Alice's heart beats heavily as she asks herself "where could they be? I swear, if something's happened to them I'll never forgive my..."

A few peaches roll by from the left to the right in front of Alice.

She stares on as the very last peach, a really small one, rolls away, seemingly whimpering as it does.

Alice sweats and stares at the mushrooms she had picked up earlier inside her basket with fear.

She casually picks them and with a smile on her face she tosses them away and in a crazed tone of voice she says "ah-hahaha! I don't need this!"

The second the mushrooms touch the ground, a red and dark-grey mushroom with purple dots the size of a house grows under Alice, sending her airborne in an instant.

The RKNS flies by and notices she's wearing a swimsuit under her clothes, so after blowing some blood out of his nose, he takes a few pictures, then flies away with an elated look on him and without being noticed.

While on the air, Alice looks around the forest, then points and shouts "ah-hah~! There they are!"

She impulses herself to fly to them, but the water monster, which still has the screaming Remilia trapped inside his belly, falls from above and gobbles Alice up as well, then continues his fall.

-

Deeper inside the forest, Shanghai, Shinki and Hourai continue on their search.

Sounding suspicious and slightly annoyed, Shanghai says "those three fairies were too eager to leave, if you ask me."

Hourai replies "I know. They didn't even want dessert!"

Shinki adds "just let them be. We have Alice's husband to hunt!"

Shanghai sighs and slumps as she flies closer to Shinki and says "and would it help if I tell you that's not what I said in the first place?"

Shinki smiles and says "once you see the bright smile on Alice's shining face you'll see this is all worth it."

Shanghai sighs again, but both she and Shinki shriek when Hourai screams a bloody scream.

A giant bear youkai the size of the trees threatens to claw the little doll as it swings it's large claws in front of itself and roars menacingly.

Shinki shouts "GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BEAST!"

Shanghai shouts "no wait! That's not.... GRRR~!"

Shinki grab Hourai and bravely gets in between the doll and the bear and shouts "you-you-you l-l-l-leave her alone, you big... big... WAAAAAHH~!"

Hourai and Shinki try to run away from the bear, only to realize there is a giant black python blocking their escape.

Shinki shouts "WAIT A MINUTE! I am the goddess from Makai! There is NO WAY two bulking monsters like you can scare me!"

The bear roars loudly and the snake hisses menacingly.

Shinki shrinks the size of Hourai and says "er, nice lungs mister bear."

Chibi Shinki and Hourai hug each other tightly as the two monsters get closer, then stop and vanish.

Shinki regains her size and shouts "for the love of nature, what IS all this!?"

Behind them are Star and Luna, both looking terrified at Shanghai, who is dealing great pain to Sunny.

Shinki and Hourai share the terror of the fairies, then Shinki comments "oh-no! That's a figure-4 leg-lock! How is that even possible!?"

There's a loud crack and Sunny's bloody scream.

The other four cover their faces with their hands, then Hourai peeks through her fingers and says "oh my goodness! That's the Camel Clutch! She's going to break her in half!"

There is another loud cracking sound and Sunny's bloody scream.

Shinki gulps as she looks, then says "HOW HORRIBLE!!! She's finishing her off with a three-story pile driver! Oh my!"

Everyone looks away just before there is a very loud thud and another crack.

Shanghai hovers above the unconscious Sunny, dusting her hands and saying "I'm getting REALLY tired of this, so please, follow my lead! I wish to go home already."

Shinki is about to complain, but Shanghai glares at her through the corner of her eyes, so she keeps quiet and follows behind the little doll along with the others, who are carrying Sunny Milk with them.

Shanghai closes her eyes, thinking everything will be well now that they are headed home.

Behind her, short swords spring from under the ground, missing the party by mere inches, the ground flips around, then there's an explosion underground.

Shanghai sighs and shakes her head, then says to herself "let's just go home already."

At the Palace of the Earth Spirits, the three fairies, the doll and the goddess from Makai sit around the long table enjoying a cup of tea each, and Satori, looking slightly annoyed, bangs her hands on the table and asks "again, could you repeat how exactly did you get here?!"

-

It's now noon and Alice walks back to her house.

She's tired, her clothes are dirty and in tatters, part of her swimsuit is showing through the large missing chunk form the right side of her skirt, she keeps hearing clicking camera sounds but finds nothing, and she lost the swimsuit contest at the village.

She says to herself "I couldn't find them *sob*. My poor dolls."

She arrives to her house and looks at it, saying "this isn't going to feel like home anymore... not without them. Oh well. There's not much I can do now, but pray for their safety."

She reaches for the door and is immediately blown away by Shinki, who opens de door form inside and shouts "ALICE~~! Your home~!"

Sitting on the ground, Alice says "ow, ow~! Mom? When did you get here!?"

Shinki sweats and honestly says "oh, I'm not sure. But please, come in! We got a surprise for you!"

Alice rubs her head as she gets up and annoyed she asks "another surprise...?"

She opens her eyes wide and gasps, then asks "wait, did you say 'we'? Are Shanghai and Hourai with you!?"

From inside the house both dolls burst out, shouting "MAMA~! You're home!"

They hug Alice's neck and rub their cheeks against hers, making Alice giggle happily.

Alice looks confused for a moment, so she pulls them away then looks at them and asks "and where have you been all day? I was worried sick after I... um... I... I'm sorry I left you guys behind like that. Please forgive me."

Some tears escape her eyes, and the dolls simply hug her tightly and Shanghai says "it's alright mama! It's not your fault!"

Hourai adds "it was that mean birdie!"

Shinki winks at Alice, then points at the house and shouts "but do not worry, Alice-chan! WE have caught that monster and he's waiting to MA-"

Alice and Hourai yelp, then Shinki looks at where they were just standing, but they are gone.

She notices Shanghai playing tag with Luna Child, giggling contently while tagging each other continually.

Shinki asks "Shanghai, where are Alice and Hourai?"

Shanghai and Luna shrug, then continue playing, while Shinki thinks "this is no good. The chapter isn't over, but there's little light of hope."

At the Palace of the Earth Spirits' garden, Alice and Hourai lie on a flower bed, smiling contently while closing their eyes.

Satori stares at them with a slightly annoyed expression, then shouts "AGAIN!?"

-

While entering Alice's house, Shinki says "and so, we caught your husband-to-be!"

Alice opens her eyes wide in surprise and says "whoa-whoa-whoa!!! Husband!?"

Shinki says "didn't you get your innocence stolen this morning?"

Alice shouts "MOM!? Who the hell told you THAT!?"

Before Shinki answer, Shanghai grabs a large hammer and knocks Shinki out, then says "I only told her that bird took your underwear. That was all!"

Shinki gets up, rubbing the bump on her head and crying "but I didn't do it on purpose."

Alice asks "so what happened?"

With a quick "RIGHT" from Shinki, Hourai, Shinki herself and Shanghai stand straight on the ground beside each other, then Shinki says "we have caught the dreadful monster and we are going to MAKE him apologize to you RIGHT now!"

Behind them are the three mischievous fairies, who hold the golden cord to a pink curtain.

They pull on the cord and reveal the dual-door cabinet, bumping and jumping in place.

Alice tries to run away, but Shinki grabs the doors with a smile and says "and now, it's WEDDING TIME!!"

She opens the door and out bursts a party inside Alice's house, with all her friends invited too, including Marisa and Patchouli.

At night, after the last party guest leaves, Shanghai asks Alice "mama, did we forget something?"

Shinki gasps and says in surprise "you're RIGHT! I didn't tip that nice eel-cart sparrow for the delivery!"

Shanghai's eyes hide under a dark shadow as she stares at Shinki, who suddenly falls down a hole.

At the Underground Cave entrance, Yamame finishes wrapping a large fresh catch inside a cocoon, then happily crawls away, saying "I'm saving you for breakfast."

From inside, a pair of claws quickly cut free from the cocoon, then Ran lands on the ground and sounding very angry she says "SERIOUSLY! How did I EVER end up in there!? I'm not even in this one! I mean, am I Alice? Am I one of her dolls? NO, I'm not! Stupid story *grumble grumble* No base, now flow... It's all a BIG mess!"

Ran exits the cave, blowing off steam from her ears and grumbling some more.

-

Midnight at Alice's house.

Alice, wearing a light blue pajama with pink frills around the sleeveless arms and the lower trim, walks somberly out of her room for a glass of water.

As she walks to the kitchen, she is unsettled by the sound of scratching just above her head on the ceiling.

She rolls on the ground and bravely faces up, then says in a commanding tone "who's there!? Show yourself!"

There's a soft chirp, then Alice rushes to turn on two lights in the living room and gets a good view of the RKNS, perching on a lose board on her ceiling.

She growls and says "you better apologize for what you did to me!"

The little sparrow lifts his right leg and lifts the middle finger, while pulling down on his left lower-eyelid with his other claw, managing to somehow stand on the wooden board.

Alice's face turns red in rage, then she somehow holds her grimoire now and shoots danmaku directly from her own hand at the bird.

The little sparrow flies all over the ceiling, making Alice miss all her shots, waking up Shinki, her dolls, and the three house guests.

Worried, Shinki asks "Alice, what's wrong?"

Alice yelps and there's a crunching sound.

They all look up and find Alice upside-down on the roof with half of her torso stuck on it.

Alice grunts then shouts "s-someone help me!"

The little sparrow swoops down and breaks through a window.

Sunny asks "what's he doing now?"

From outside, many clicking sounds and flashes make Alice cry and shout "no~! You mean bird, that's not FUNNY! Waaah~! Stop that!"

Shanghai causally flies up to Alice and says "this has gone long enough."

The tiny doll pulls Alice down, breaking her free, but causing her to crash on her head on the ground.

She flies up the hole and for some time, there is silence.

Shinki and Hourai rush to Alice to make sure she's alright, and from outside the sparrow starts to chirp.

There are smacking and ripping sounds, as well as loud chirps and feathers that float from the hole.

Star flies to the hole, peeks outside, then quickly flies back down, her face turning green and holding her mouth with both hands as she rushes to the bathroom.

More smacking sounds and loud chirps as a few pain-stars fall through the ceiling.

Hourai casually floats close to one, touches it, then winces in pain and says "ow! That's painful!"

-

It's the crack of dawn.

Shanghai holds the RKNS tied to some rope and in a strict and commanding tone she says "what do you say!?"

Looking depressed, missing some head-feathers and wearing a few bandages around his tiny legs, the sparrow chirps sadly at Shinki and the fairies while bowing his little head.

Shanghai turns him to Alice, then says "AND...!?"

Again, the little bird lowers his head, bowing to Alice as he chirps sadly.

Shanghai loosens her grip and the rope, then says "good. Now I'm going to let you go, but if I find you causing more trouble, I'm going to beat you up. Did I make myself clear?"

The little bird nods and chirps sadly, then Shanghai keeps her word and releases him, letting him fly through the hole on the roof, which magically fixes itself after he leaves.

Alice sweats and says "I swear, there's something wrong about that."

Shanghai sighs and says to everyone in the room "and that's that! That mean bird apologized, mama's not crying anymore, and all is well."

Shinki adds "but now Alice is no longer pure. She can't get married."

Alice's face turns blue and asks "MOM!? What the hell are you saying there!?"

Shinki is about to explain, but after blinking she realizes she's inside a dark room, wearing Alice's sleeping robes instead of her own.

She notices a futon in the middle of the room with someone snoring in it.

She cautiously approaches the futon and asks "Alice... i-is that you?"

The covers pulls themselves off, revealing Yuugi lying sideway on the futon and resting her head on her arm as she asks "you want sake at these hours? You're a REAL party animal!"

Shinki's hair stand on ends, her face turns a bit red, her eyes expand and her pupils shrink, then she screams a bloody scream that echoes all over the subterranean.

-

Early morning at the Youkai Mountain.

Aya stands on a solitary corner, hiding behind some rocks and looking around expectantly.

The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow manages to fly erratically with what feathers are left on his wings, then crashes on Aya's head, knocking off her tokin.

Aya says "ayayaya~! It seems you got caught. So does this mean you failed?"

The little sparrow lifts his left wing and from underneath he pulls a large pack of pictures.

Aya smirks and sounding impressed, she says "well~ you really did it! I am very impressed."

Aya pulls out a thick stack of money and says "here's your pay."

The little sparrow takes the money and immediately hides it under his wing, then bows at Aya.

The crow tengu flips through the pictures, and with a wicked grin on her face she says "very nice. With this, I am one step closer to completing my youkai-girls of Gensokyo issue!"

Aya and the little sparrow laugh maniacally, then the little sparrow swoops down under Aya's skirt, takes a few pictures, and long before she realizes what happened, he flies away.

From the mountain, Aya's raging voice echoes as she shouts "come back here you little traitor~~!"

Meanwhile, at Alice's house, Alice, Shanghai, Hourai and Shinki are preparing to bake a very special apple pie.

While Shinki happily peels the apples, Hourai cuts them into pieces while Alice prepares the pan and sauce and Shanghai prepares dough.

There's a small tap on one of the windows and Alice asks "what was that?"

Hourai replies "ooh! It's the tooth-fairy!"

Shanghai sweats and says "right... um, mom, let me go check. You guys keep making that pie, alright?"

Shinki says "go ahead. We'll just finish up here."

Shanghai flies out the front door and suspiciously looks around before heading toward the back of the house.

She lands on the ground, then whistles softly.

The RKNS flies from the trees, bearing a few pictures on his claws, then drops them at Shanghai, whose eyes glint brightly as she smiles widely and says "excellent. With these, I'll make sure that pervert leave mom alone."

From inside, Alice calls "Shanghai~ Is everything ok?"

Shanghai calls back "y-yes, everything's ok!"

Shanghai hides the pictures under her apron and heads back inside the house, however, the entire house falls down underground before she can enter it.

She looks at the empty clearing, sighs, then says to herself "I'm so not believing this."

At the Palace of the Earth Spirit's backyard, Satori looks extremely annoyed and surprised as she shouts with all her might "WHT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?"

Alice's entire house now lies right in front of her mansion.

From farther away, Parsee watches and bites on her thumb, then says "a mobile home? I'm jealous!!"

-

The End

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Kyo, Agava and The RKNS were created by Willie G.R

FEB 18 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N**

**Just a quick reminder... I love all the Touhou characters. These mishaps are just a fun way to show my love for them *angelic smile***

**Yes, I know. Shanghai is just pure win. She even owns that poor, evil, defenseless Rabid Karate Night Sparrow. Anyway, don't worry, I'm not done here. There are still more mishaps to come, however I'll first be working on Rika's chapters (made by my friend) AND one my next Sukima. Been writing up many notes and I KNOW it's going to be good, and... well I digress. Well, see you on my next mishap AND Suika.**


	5. Shrine Mishaps for Hakurei

2 weeks before the battle at Bahva-Agra.

It's early morning at the Hakurei Shrine.

Rika has left the inside of the shrine looking so clean, they literally sparkle with the light from the morning sun.

Having nothing else to do, Rika goes to the back of the shrine, and pulling her wooden training sword from her Saboten Stock, she begins her regular training session.

30 minutes after starting, Rika hears the sliding doors form Reimu's room open, then happily says to herself "ah, my lady's up. Better start making break... *GASP* oh no!"

Reimu walks out of her room and admires how clean the shrine is, and right before she takes her first step out of the room, Rika shouts from outside "my lady~! Be careful!", to which Reimu turns her head to look toward the direction of the voice.

Back outside, Rika hears Reimu ask "what is it? Is that celestial around here again?"

Rika finishes storing her sword again and shouts "no, I just waxed the..."

Before she can finish, Reimu screams, followed by a thud, followed by a sliding noise, accompanied by more screaming, then another loud thud accompanied by rustling leaves.

Rika winces while all this happens, and when it all stops she opens her eyes and spots Reimu lying on some bushes, her back against a tree. Reimu shouts "what the heck was that!?"

Rika approaches Reimu with an apologetic face and says "I'm sorry, my lady. I tried to tell you I waxed the floors."

Reimu gets up with Rika's help as she says "is that so? Oh well, I'll just be more care..."

Before Reimu finishes her sentence, from the roof comes Suika's scream, a sliding sound, another scream, then a loud thud.

Reimu looks at Rika, who sweats as she places her hands together below her waist and says "I also waxed the roof."

From the hot springs near the shrine, Marisa is heard screaming, followed by a loud splash and some groaning, then Rika smiling sheepishly says "I also waxed the stones by the hot springs."

Reimu's hair has a few lost strand as she sweats and stares at Rika, then sounding a little worried she asks "you didn't wax the trees too, right?"

Rika smiles and says "of course not, my lady."

From behind them Aya screams then falls head-first to the bushes below, then Rika sweats and smile, then finishes saying "but I did polish the branches."

Reimu smiles nervously as Mima approaches them and sounding boastful she says "you two-legged creatures are such a mess. You won't see ME slipping like that since I have no legs. Just a ghostly tail."

Rika smiles sheepishly at Mima, then says "actually... heh heh, I thought I'd give you a surprise and waxed your tail..."

Mima opens her eyes wide, grabs Rika by her shoulders and excitedly "what did you just say!?"

Suddenly, Mima darts away, going through trees while screaming at the top of her lungs, then continues her ghostly slide all the way to the edge of the mountain and falling off while screaming some more.

Rika sweats and smiles, then points to the shrine with her left hand thumb and hastily says "I-I'll go make us some breakfast now" then darts to the shrine's kitchen, while Reimu continues to stare around, her eyes hidden under a dark shadow, and a few strands of hair standing unevenly around her head.

-

Later that day at noon, Rika finishes sweeping the shrine's front yard, and after swiping the sweat off her forehead with her sleeve she says to herself "phew, this took just a little longer than I thought."

She looks around the yard, then smiles and flaps her little wings, then says to herself "but the courtyard looks beautiful, so it's worth it."

She heads back inside the shrine and enters through the side doors, heading straight toward the broom closet, not noticing Reimu is sitting on the ceiling and is casually sipping on some tea.

Rika closes the door to the broom closet and says out loud "my lady~! The courtyard is done. Should I start dinner yet?"

From the ceiling Reimu casually says "sure, go ahead."

Rika's heart skips a beat when she yelps in surprise, not expecting Reimu there at all.

She takes a few deep breaths, then asks "my-my lady, what's going on?"

Reimu looks down to Rika, completely unaffected by gravity at all, then casually says "eh, I don't know. I fell asleep under the kotatsu and then I woke up like this... Seems gravity has been altered around her."

Rika stands under Reimu, but nothing happens; then she flies up to Reimu, but can't stand on the ceiling, and after coming back down she asks "my lady, are you playing tricks on me?"

Reimu sighs and says "whatever. Look, just help me get down."

Rika bows and says "immediately, my lady."

She flies up, grabs Reimu, then turns her around along with her teacup, then bring her back down safely.

Reimu casually says "see? Nothing to it."

Rika smiles and closes her eyes saying "thank goodness. For a minute there I thought I was going crazy!"

Just before Rika finishes her sentence and open her eyes, Reimu yelps and there is a loud crunching sound. Rika looks right above her and sees a hole on the roof, then Hina says "oh my, that's so unfortunate. I fell through the roof."

Shock takes Rika as she looks up the hole on the roof and asks "wait... wasn't that my lady Reimu just now?"

Reimu opens the sliding doors to her room and with a bored expression she asks "did you just call for me?"

Rika shrieks, her body stiffen, her wings flap violently, and after she recomposes she asks "but didn't you... You just... Weren't you?"

Still looking bored, Reimu says "Rika, you're acting weird."

Rika's cheeks turn blue as she looks down to the ground and pokes her fingers together, looking both surprised and scared while whimpering incoherently.

-

That night, Rika closes down the shrine while Reimu enters her room, saying "good night, Rika."

Rika turns away from the sliding doors and bows down with a smile, saying "pleasant dreams, my lady Reimu."

After she finishes closing all the doors and turning off all the lights, Rika heads down the small corridor to a new room made just for her, which sits to the right of Reimu's own room.

She's about to enter when she hears and unsettling thud on the living room.

Bravely and quietly, Rika walks to the living room and whispers "hello? Is someone there!?"

She manages to turn on a single light that dimly illuminates the entire inside of the shrine.

Rika looks around, but there's nothing. She relaxes and thinks "maybe I just imagined it", but quickly flinches and rolls away after yelping as quietly as possible when a bird suddenly tarts singing in the room.

Rika looks toward the source, then smiles and says "oh my, hello there little fellow. What are you doing... wait, what's that you're sitting on."

Underneath the little sparrow, next to Reimu's own, a two-door cabinet ominously stands tall, expelling a strange aura from around itself.

The little sparrow chirps and flies just above Rika's head before completely disappearing from the scene. Rika looks around and says "where did he go? There certainly aren't any windows open..."

There is another sudden thud and Rika shrieks, turning her attention to the strange cabinet in the room.

It starts to jump in place repeatedly, making loud thumping noises.

Rika whispers to herself "this thing's too noisy. It'll wake up lady Reimu!"

She quickly approaches the cabinet, and without thinking she opens the doors.

A water monster bursts out of the cabinet with Remilia screaming at the top of her lungs while she spins inside of its stomach, frightening Rika to the point of making her petrify in place.

The monster, carrying the screaming Remilia, casually opens the sliding doors to the back, bows his watery unshaped head, then exits the shrine, closing the door behind itself.

From outside, the childish and innocent voice of Flandre sounds a bit muffled as she says "Jumy~ There you are! Come on, Sakuya said she wouldn't feed us if we were late again!"

There is a spitting sound, followed by a dog's bark, and a whooshing sound.

Shortly after, Remilia moans, then shouts "I WANT THAT BLASTED MONSTER VAPORIZED!", followed by some flapping wings, then silence.

Reimu walks out of her room in her white sleeping gown, asking "what's with all the noise here!?"

She looks around and notices the petrified Rika standing under the only light in the room, then casually places her right arm on her hip and says "hmm... not one of her best works."

She walks toward it, inspects it a little further, then shrugs and says "well, whatever."

She turns off the light, then heads back to her room.

-

The next morning, right after breakfast is done, Maribel and Renko arrive to the shrine, each one holding Mima by one arm.

Once inside the shrine Renko calls "excuse us~! Miss Reimu, miss Rika? Are you there?"

Reimu and Rika walk out of the shrine's corridor, then Rika smiles while Reimu face palms and says "let me guess. She's still slipping around."

Aggravated, Mima says "well, it's now MY fault my tail is waxed to perfection! And why didn't any of you come for me!?"

Reimu covers her mouth while she giggles, but Rika looks down to the ground in shame.

Pouting, Mima reluctantly says "I don't blame you Rika, so don't get all sad on me now... Just get this off!"

Rika lifts her head, however she doesn't smile and Reimu continues to giggle as she says "no, no, let me do this, Rika."

Rika quietly bows while Reimu approaches the 3 girls, then pats Mima's tail, making her laugh and says "hey, watch those hands, haha!"

Maribel asks "hey, if that's wax... wouldn't ripping it off make your skin look perfect!?"

Renko adds "in the outside world, they use that to remove hair from unwanted areas, making you look much more attractive."

Interested, Mima exclaims "REALLY!? Reimu, RIP that wax off!"

Reimu tries to hold her laughter, then says "heh, ok. I won't hold back~!"

Mima excitedly says "hurry, hurry!"

Reimu grabs the wax just around Mima's waist, and after counting to 3, she pulls the wax with all her might, making a horrible ripping sound that echoes all over the shrine, making even Aya fly away in horror with the rest of the birds and fairies.

Giggling, Reimu asks "so, Mima... how do you feel?"

Mima doesn't respond and just floats in place with a neutral face and blank eyes.

Maribel and Renko let go of her arms, then Maribel concernedly asks "miss Mima' are you alright?"

Like a stiff pillar, Mima falls to the ground on her face, but doesn't react at all, making Reimu laugh hard, drop on her knees, and punch the floor while laughing.

Meanwhile, Rika stands by the corridor, almost about to cry, when there's a sudden "poof", followed by some white clouds from where Mima is.

They all stare at Mima as she gets back up, Reimu opening her eyes wide as her face turning red, Renko and Maribel hiding their eyes under a red shadow, and Rika looking away embarrassed and saying "please, miss Mima, cover yourself up."

Mima confidently says "are you INSANE!? And hide this GLORIOUS body of mine!?"

Mima stands in the middle of the room, wearing only a light-green two-piece swimsuit, posing with style and saying "heck, I'm going to show off these magnificent legs of mine at the village!"

She walks away after poofing a white towel that she places on her shoulders, then says "ciao. I'm off to show off."

After she leaves, Rika sighs, and seeming content she says "thank goodness. I would have felt terrible if something had happened to her because of me."

Suddenly, Reimu, Maribel and Renko kneel down next to Rika and grab her skirt, all shouting at the same time "PLEASE WAX MY LEGS!!!"

Rika blushes beet red and pokes her fingers while flapping her wings very rapidly, stuttering "bu-bu-bu-but..."

Suddenly Mima screams while a bird chirps. A small sparrow holds Mima's top on its beak while flying away, and Mima, holding her chest with her arms shouts "COME BACK YOU MONSTER!!! Give me back my swimsuit!!"

There are camera clicks and suddenly Mima stops and poses while still holding her chest and says "if you wanted to take pictures, you should have just asked, you naughty birdie!"

Reimu and Renko stare at Mima in disbelief, while Rika and Maribel smile, and Maribel says "my, seems miss Mima is in need for attention."

Suddenly Reimu shouts "Mima!! Mima, your top! You don't have your top on!!"

While Renko, Maribel and Rika stare in complete shock to Mima, one of the floorboards pops open with Yuki underneath, who shouts "HI EVERYBODY!"

-

Later that day, Reimu walks to her donation box to check for donations, however it's empty.

She turns around and finds Suika with her horns suck on the ground, crossing her legs above her body while staring toward the shrine's gate.

Reimu approaches her and asks "er, Suika? Why are you like that?"

In a calm and wise tone, Suika says "I accidentally fell off the roof and landed on my horns. I wasn't able to free myself, and I thought I was being punished for something. However I have come to realize the reason for this, is so that I could see the world in a new perspective. Everything is light, and light is everything. Darkness is just an illusion and a dream."

Reimu worriedly looks at Suika through the corner of her eyes, then says "um, right. Look, maybe it's time you turn around and come back to your senses."

Suika smiles and in the same tone as before she says "there is a reason you approached me and said those words... so perhaps you are right and I should return to normal... however..."

Suika pushes against the ground with her arms with all her might, trying to free herself from the ground, but fails and says "as you can see, I am still stuck. Then again, maybe we are all stuck in a loop called life. An endless cycle that repeats itself, and only those few that are enlightened can steer away from this loop and find a new course through life, and..."

Reimu sighs irritably, grabs Suika's hip while she continues to talk, then pulls with all her might.

Making a loud popping sound, Suika's horns are freed from the ground, but Reimu flies away to the back of the shrine.

Suika opens her eyes, feeling dizzy while doing so, then suddenly, sounding more normal she shouts "I... I'm back! I can't believe this, I BACK!!! Reimu, look! I'm back!"

A watery wave carries the spluttering Reimu all the way to the shrine stairs, then takes her down them, picking up speed as they go down the mountain.

Suika takes a really big gulp of Sake as she stares at the event with a childish expression, then says "nope... I'm still in the happy place."

-

That night, Reimu wakes up during the middle of her sleep in her sleeping gown to drink some water.

After she gets her water from the kitchen, she's suddenly unsettled by the sound of flapping wings.

She looks around suspiciously, then takes one step back, trying to grab a pan or anything else to defend herself, but she yelps out loud when she feels something soft and slippery brush past her fingers.

She rolls away and suddenly holds her gohei and charms on her hands while still looking around suspiciously for anything inside the shrine.

There's a blur in front of her eyes headed to the left at great speeds, so she unleashes a few charms to her far left and quickly hears a quick chirp and a light thud.

She manages to find a light and turn it on, revealing on the ground, next to her charm, a small sparrow that quickly kicks the charm away and glares at Reimu.

Reimu stares at the tiny bird, then says "aww, I'm sorry. I thought you were a youkai."

The little bird hops toward Reimu and takes an offensive stance, then Reimu stares back with disgust and curiosity, then says "don't you dare!"

Rika wakes up just as a battle is unleashed in the living room.

She hears Reimu shouting "ha! HYA~~! Don't take me lightly you feathered FREAK!"

There are continuous chirps and Reimu shouting "WHOA~! HYAH! You dirty little bird, you're not... what the-?"

Rika opens her sliding doors just as Reimu screams and flies straight toward Rika, falling on top of her maid with her underside raised up.

There are a few clicks and some camera flashes, then Reimu opens her eyes wide with a quick "huh?", then immediately jumps off Rika and rushes to the living room where there are more chirps and Reimu's battle cries.

When Rika stands up she opens her eye wide and shouts "oh my goodness! That's the dreaded pinky twist."

Reimu groans, then cries "UNCLE!" Rika covers here eyes and shouts "HOW HORRIBLE! A reversed leg-lock!"

Rika uncovers her eyes, flaps her wings furiously, then reaches for Reimu, saying "tag me, miss Reimu!"

Everyone, including the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, stop everything as a watery wave passes by the living room with Alice surfing in her swimsuit, accompanied by Shanghai and Hourai, both in small swimsuits of their own, sitting on Alice's shoulders.

The shrine's sliding doors open on their own, letting the wave, Alice and her dolls outside, and before surfing out of view Alice makes the peace symbol with her fingers and says "'sup dudes!? See ya!" then surfs away.

The little night sparrow face palms, then leaves the dumbfounded shrine maidens staring toward the door as he flies away.

-

The next day, Marisa flies straight to the open side-entrance of the shrine, calling "Reimu~! I came to play, ze!"

There's a sudden pressure on Marisa's back, making her fall down hard. It's Kyo, who for some odd reason fell on her back, leaving Marisa out of breath as she says "guh... h-heavy... fat... cow."

Kyo gasps in horror, then he's suddenly off Marisa's back and doing fast sit-ups by the trees, repeating "I... am not... fat... Fat... is... the enemy!"

Marisa struggles to get up, then looks back at Kyo and says "didn't meant it like that... but at least he's off, ze."

She walks to the back of the shrine, and there... Reimu sits close to the storage house in meditation, while Rika practices sword-strikes while in her Soraogan mode.

Marisa suddenly shrieks, then shouts "LOOK OUT! IT'S A BALL WITH ISSUES!!!"

Reimu opens her left eye, only to be struck on the forehead by a small white ball with a black spot in it, knocking her out on impact.

The ball bounces back to Rika, who drops her sword and catches it, however the balls comes with such force, Rika is pushed back against the trees and bushes, then somehow manages to bounce off to the air, where Suwako flies by, catches it, and exclaims "FINALLY! I'm going to have to GLUE these things!"

She breathes on it, rubs it against her shirt, then places it on the left side of her hat, saying "is that better, Pyonta-kun?"

The hat blinks twice, then Suwako flies away while saying "you should take better care of your things."

Down at the shrine, Rika looks around herself and finds countless black feathers, then panics and shouts "OH NO~! My feathers turned black!"

She starts to panic and hyperventilate, then Reimu comes to her, rubbing her forehead while offering a free arm to Rika, casually saying "relax, that's not you."

Rika accepts her mistress' hand, taking a deep breath and calming down, then says "oh my, sorry... I-I guess I lost myself there."

Reimu wraps her arms around Rika's neck, and while they casually walk to the shrine Reimu calmly says "it's alright. Come on, that bump really gave me an appetite."

Rika excitedly shouts "ALRIGHT!"

On the bushes where Rika had landed, laying face down and buried on the ground is Aya, her wings crumpled up and softly saying "a..yaya...ya~!"

Marisa passes by and looks at Aya, then gasps in surprise and shouts "OH MY GODS! Aya has pointy ears!!!"

-

That night, both Rika and Reimu walk to the shrine's living room while in their sleeping robes, investigating some thumping sounds.

Rika whispers "I'll get the light, my lady.", then goes on ahead while Reimu holds her gohei, ready at hand.

After turning on the light, Rika yelps and Reimu immediately shouts "Rika, what's wrong!?"

Rika trembles as she raises her right arm and points toward the shrine's cabinet just as Reimu reaches her side.

Reimu looks and notices the two-door cabinet standing next to her own, then Rika says "see? I told you."

Reimu gets closer and says "I don't sense anything coming from inside... Let's open it!"

Rika nervously says "my lady, are you sure it's safe?"

Reimu confidently says "if we want to get to the bottom of this, we HAVE to open it."

Rika gulps, then nods. Reimu reaches for the doors and slowly opens them up... but nothing happens.

Rika sighs loud, feeling greatly relieved, then Reimu confidently says "see? Nothing happened. Now, let's take this thing outside and go back to sleep."

Rika bows and says "right away, my lady!"

Luize pops out from inside the cabinet and grabs Rika while shouting "got a live one!", and dragging her inside and closing the cabinet doors.

Reimu immediately grabs the doors, calling out to Rika and pulls open the cabinet, then Rika and Reimu burst out of the cabinet, Rika wearing a pastel light-blue swimsuit with a white stripe across the chest, and a white lotus adorning her head and looking very refreshed and happy, while Reimu falls to the ground, looking exhausted and beat up, wearing a strapped two-piece red and white swimsuit and the usual ribbon on her head.

The cabinet closes up and vanishes, then Rika exclaims "that was fun, wasn't it, my lady!? Those men sure were very nice!"

Reimu lies on the ground, and sounding exhausted she says "Rika, you really need to pay attention to the atmosphere. Those pigs wanted to EAT you!"

Rika suddenly panics, then says "bu-but I don't think I would be tasty at all!!"

Reimu whisper to herself "geez, she just doesn't get it."

-

The next morning, Rika moans contently while stretching in her futon before waking up. Outside, the sun shines bright, the birds sing their songs, and there are loud bangs, thuds and crashes inside the shrine.

Rika suddenly springs up and says to herself "wait, that's not good!"

She rushes out of her futon and runs to the living room, finding Reimu dressed up in a red, white and black bear-back leotard, wearing her ribbon like a head band, a pair of knee-high lace boots, and long black and red wrist cuffs, standing in a tall square ring that somehow fits inside the living room.

Rika stares with the outmost curiosity, then asks "m-my lady? I-is that you?"

Reimu looks back, and with a smile on her face she says "good morning, Rika!"

Reimu notices how Rika continues to stare, then casually says "oh, this? I'm having a little sparring match with this little night sparrow. You wouldn't believe how great I feel after doing this."

Standing on the other corner of the ring, wearing a tiny black muscle shirt and a black headband is the RKNS, who flaps his little wings and chirps angrily, then Reimu says "oh right, sorry. Let's go! Show me what you got, little man!"

Rika stands awestruck, her eyes hidden under a light shadow, as she watches the two of them go at it, kicking, punching, applying submission holds, then finally, after an hour, Reimu sighs and says "phew... I think that's enough for today."

The little sparrow chirps, then shortly after, Reimu jumps over the ropes and lands next to Rika, saying "I tell you, these sessions have actually increased my stamina and vitality beyond my former limit... Rika?"

Reimu notices Rika's expression, then passes her hand in front of Rika's eyes, making her react and quickly ask "my lady, what is all this? And how did you get that wrestling ring inside?"

Reimu looks confused at Rika and casually asks "what ring?"

Rika takes another look, then her face turns a little red as her eyes get watery and her body starts to shiver, then she stutters "bu-but...but... I-I-I saw it... w-w-with my eyes..."

Reimu sighs and asks "Rika, are you still asleep?"

Rika turns to the RKNS and says "mister sparrow, help me here!"

The little sparrow chirps, then simply flies away, making Rika chase after him, shouting "wait, please come back mister sparrow!"

There is a loud ripping sound, Rika's yelp, then a camera click, followed by unsettled bushes. Reimu runs outside, shouting "Rika, what happened!?", but finds nobody.

She walks toward the back of the shrine, and from behind some bushes Rika whispers "my lady~!"

Reimu turns around and finds Rika hiding under a bush, then asks "Rika, what happened? Why did you scream?"

Rika looks at Reimu with sad, glassy puppy eyes and a blushing face and cries "he took my clothes."

Reimu sighs and says "that bird's a menace... here."

There is another loud ripping sound and Reimu hands her leotard to Rika, who screams "MY LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DO... ing!?"

When Rika takes a better look, Reimu is now wearing her usual attire, even her detached sleeves.

She points at Reimu with a trembling hand and asks "how did that happen?"

Reimu confidently replies "you think I would wear that without something underneath? Now come on, get this on so you can head inside and change."

Reluctantly Rika says "ok" and grabs the small outfit.

After putting it on she start to blush, still hiding under the bush, then says "this is embarrassing, miss Reimu."

Reimu giggles and says "come on Rika, it's just to the shrine. Who's gonna see?"

Reluctantly, Rika says "alright" then walks away from the bushes.

Reimu's entire face turns red when she sees Rika wearing that leotard with her wings stiffened and her face all red.

Looking embarrassed, Rika tries to cover herself as she asks "ho-how do I look in this?"

Reimu smiles and says "you-you look cute, heheh."

Rika asks "do I really?"

Suddenly, the RKNS rushes by with a camera, taking countless pictures as fast as possible while bleeding through his nose and chirping excitedly.

Rika screams "ah~! No, stop! Mister sparrow, stop! This isn't proper!", then runs inside the shrine, flapping her wings as she does.

After Rika leaves, the RKNS approaches Reimu with the photos already developed and ready, and while Reimu accepts them and exchanges panty-shots of Marisa and Suika for them, then says "good, good. The plan worked... perfectly."

The RKNS cleans the blood off its nose and chirps, then Reimu says "yes, she did look cute... Now remember the deal. That girl and I better not be in that album, or I'll expose THESE for the next issue."

Reimu flashes pictures of Shanghai beating the little sparrow numerous times, so the RKNS sweats, salutes Reimu, and after chirping, he flies away.

Meanwhile, Reimu goes through the photos she just received with glints in her eyes and a crescent smile.

-

That afternoon, Reimu enjoys tea by the shrine's porch, when Rika excitedly runs to her in her Soraogan mode, saying "miss Reimu, miss Reimu! Look I did it! I performed the dance using my sword!"

Reimu happily replies "oh, I'm so glad for you! Let me see!"

Rika happily bows and says "certainly, my lady!"

Rika holds her wooden sword in hand, closes her eyes, then starts to dance around while gracefully swinging her sword around her.

She stops for a moment, allowing her skirt to dance around her for a moment, then jumps and flips in the air, swinging her sword down hard, then there a loud "thwack" and some rumbling, quickly followed by a groan, and Reimu's laughter.

Rika opens her eyes and asks "huh? Did I just hit something... KYAH!"

Beside her, buried on the ground with a large bump on her head and an annoyed look on her face is Yuka Kazami, who calmly says "so this is what I get for visiting your stupid shine."

Reimu holds her mouth with her hand to try and stop laughing, but still giggling she says "I'm sorry, but it's just so ironic."

Rika bows and continues to apologize to Yuka, while Yuka asks Reimu "what is 'so ironic'?"

Reimu says "Rika just planted a flower youkai."

Reimu continues to laugh while rain falls on the annoyed-looking Yuka, who looks to Rika and says "that's enough, dear."

Rika smiles and says "if you need anything else, please let me know.", then bows and walks away.

-

That night, Reimu's sleep is disturbed by a bright green glow that's coming from the living room.

She somberly gets up to investigate, and quickly finds Rika, wearing a light-green dress, similar to those you see in fairy tales.

Reimu raises an eyebrow, and looking disgusted she asks "Rika, what the hell are you wearing?"

Rika smiles and whimsically replies "ah, my lady! Welcome."

When Reimu gets closer, she realizes the living room is full of glowing flowers, there's a small river with its own waterfall coursing through the walls and floors, and seemingly meditating underneath the falling water, is the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow.

Reimu angrily says "Rika, what is the meaning of this!?"

Rika seems to be walking in the air as she approaches Reimu, and in a calm and soothing voice she says "nature is wonderful miss Reimu. It provides us with what we need, it soothes us, gives us peace. Come, my lady, and join me in this wonderful celebration of nature."

Reimu turns her head away while crossing her arms across her chest and says "Rika, just clean this place up... wait, what the hell!?"

Reimu realizes she's wearing a pastel-pink fairy dress just like Rika's, and looking infinitely embarrassed, her cheeks tomato red, she shouts "why am I wearing this thing!? Ugh! Get it off me!"

Rika turns on the lights and approaches Reimu, and looking very disappointed she asks "you really don't like it?"

Reimu shouts "no~! This is very embarrassing! Look, just take all those flowers and that river out of here already!"

Rika asks "what are you talking about, my lady?"

Reimu takes another look and realizes the shrine is back to normal.

She raises her eyebrow again, then says "you're messing with me, aren't you?"

Rika sweats, but before she can answer, the RKNS comes with a camera and rapidly takes as many pictures of Reimu as possible while bleeding through his nose and chirping excitedly.

Reimu tries to cover herself up with her arms while still blushing bright red and crying "no~! Stop, you stupid bird! AHH~! Rika, stop him! WAAHH~!"

Reimu runs crying back to her room, then slams the door shot and shouts "get... this... thing... OFF of me!!!", accompanied by many ripping sounds and Reimu's angry screams.

The RKNS approaches Rika, who sighs and says "there, are you happy now?"

The RKNS chirps and hands over the already developed and ready pictures of Reimu in the frilly outfit, then Rika hands him a high-quality pack of bird seeds, then says "now remember your promise, please. Keep me and my lady out of that album."

The little sparrow nods and chirps, to which Rika smiles and coos happily, then kisses the little bird's head, catching him by surprise and making a white steam cloud appear on his head while he blushes bright red and falls on the ground.

Rika giggles after witnessing this, then Reimu, from her room shouts "I hope those aren't dark dealings being made behind my back!!!"

Rika twitches and whispers "oh my."

-

The next morning Reimu sits by the table, enjoying breakfast, while Rika is in the kitchen, humming while she cleans the plates and pots she used for cooking.

Rika stops humming and focuses on something, then asks "my lady, do you hear that?"

Reimu asks "hear what?"

There is a faint scream coming from above the shrine, then something breaks though the roof, then through the floor.

Reimu spits out her tea and shouts "DAMMIT TENSHI!!! It's just one more week, you impatient celestial!!!"

Rika calmly says "my lady, that wasn't miss Tenshi."

From the hole on the floor, rubbing her head in pain is Byakuren, who groans and looks up to the sky and says "uu~ that really hurt... That's the last time I play with the floor wax."

Reimu asks "what happened to you!? And look at what you did to my roof!"

Byakuren closes her eyes, looking apologetically at Reimu, then says "I'm sorry. I'll get Naz-chan and Mini-chan on it."

Reimu calms down and helps Byakuren out of the hole, then, looking slightly embarrassed and forcing a smile, Byakuren says "heh heh, I was fooling around with something and fell off the Palanquin."

Reimu smiles dangerously, then says "well, why didn't you just fly back?"

Byakuren sweat, forcing a nervous smile, then says "oh dear... I forgot I could fly."

Reimu is about to address to Rika, when the shrine maid yelps, followed by a loud crunch.

Reimu exclaims "Rika, what happened?"

From the storage house Rika shouts "nothing my lady~! Just cleaning around here~!"

Surprised, Reimu looks up the hole in the kitchen's roof, and asks "but then... who..?"

From the roof, Suika says "ouch. I fell through the roof!"

Reimu walks halfway to the kitchen and shouts "what the hell is going on here... Byakuren can you believe... this?"

When Reimu turns to Byakuren, she's gone, along with the hole in the roof over the living room, and the hole in the floor, then she turns to the kitchen, the hole on the roof there also gone.

Reimu opens her mouth wide, her eyes cast under a dark shadow.

She turns around and looks at the ceiling and living room floor, then back at the kitchen, then starts to shiver.

-

It's almost dark when Marisa and Alice arrive to the lively shrine.

Inside, Rika's attending to Mima, Suika and Reimu as they finish their meal, and after spotting them Rika smiles and says "welcome miss Marisa and miss Alice!"

The moment Rika finishes her greeting, Shanghai and Hourai pop from behind Alice and excitedly exclaim at the same time "it's miss Rika~!", and fly straight to her as she heads to the kitchen.

While Rika happily greets the two little dolls, Reimu gets up and says "ah, Marisa, Alice. You arrived just in time. I just finished baking some peach pies. Would you like some?"

Both girls bow, Marisa replying with a smile "I would definitely like a piece, ze!", while Alice calmly replies "yes, thank you very much."

While the everyone else is enjoying their pieces of pie by the table, Rika entertains the dolls for a while, then Alice suddenly chuckles and says "Shanghai, Hourai, leave miss Rika alone for a while."

Rika smiles and says "I don't mind", to which Alice replies "but I'm sure you'd want to eat that last piece of pie before it gets too cold, right?"

Rika eyes the very last slice of pie in the pan and drools, then nods and smiles as she says "you're right... I do want to eat miss Reimu's amazingly delicious peach pie."

Rika approaches the counter where the pie is, just waiting for her to eat it.

She casually extends her arm toward it, and right when her hand is inches away from it, another hand reaches for it and quickly takes it away.

Nazrin is crouching just below the counter as she reaches for the pie.

She opens her mouth wide and gobbles down the whole piece in one move.

Rika stands just as she was, with her hand reaching for her pie, though failing to get it before the mouse youkai.

Nazrin rubs her belly with both hands and sounding satisfied she says "wow, that was good. I wonder what else is here?"

Reimu shouts "hey, what the hell you do that for!?"

Nazrin winks and says "hey, I'm a mouse. That's what I do."

An ominous aura surrounds Rika, her eyes hidden under a black shadow, her mouth and nose covered by the scarf around her neck.

When Nazrin realizes this, Rika is holding her family sword in one hand, and reaching for Nazrin's tail with the other.

Reimu stands up and quickly shouts "RUN YOU STUPID MOUSE~!"

At that very moment, Rika swings her sword, making Nazrin cover her head with her hands, however it appears she missed.

The mouse inside Nazrin's basked is now on Nazrin's shoulder and squeaking rapidly, and when Nazrin takes a look, the basket on her tail is now tiny square pieces on the ground.

Nazrin gulps, then rushes away as fast as she can, just as Rika swings her sword one more time, then a glint escapes Rika's eyes as she stares outside to where Nazrin went.

Panting while running on all fours, Nazrin says "crap, I'm in trouble again. Gotta hide... but where? Home? No! Lady Hijiri will find out I stole food again. The village? No! that butcher is still looking for me. Uu-, uu-... The Bamboo Forest!"

After running for what seems like hours, Nazrin drops on the ground inside a clearing on the Bamboo Forest of the Lost.

She takes deep breaths to recover, then says "f-finally. I think I'm safe now!"

There is a light rumble, but Nazrin ignores it, until there is another rumble. She says to herself "ca-calm down Nazrin, it's probably just a few tremors..."

From the distance, bamboo shoots drop to the ground, making a terrible cracking sound before finally falling hard on the ground.

Nazrin starts to tremble so violently, she can't get up from the ground. There is a loud roar and the sound of metal slicing through the bamboo across the clearing in front of her.

The bamboo shoots fall right in front of her, missing her legs and tail by mere inches, and when Nazrin looks through the gap left behind... there's nothing.

All that is there is a view to the destruction of the forest, and the sound of Nazrin's agitated breath.

Nazrin gasps in relief, but she quickly quiets down as an ominous feeling reaches her very spirit.

Something passes by so fast, only a blur is seen, followed by a few white feathers falling to the ground.

Nazrin panics and grabs a spell card from under her capelet and shouts "Defense Sign Pendulum Guard!!"

Right after she calls her spell and gets completely surrounded by a blue crystal, Rika appears in front of her, holding her sword with both hands, her wings expanded, her eyes hidden in shadow, and looking ominously at her target.

Nazrin confidently says "haha~! There's no way you can break through THIS!"

Rika jumps right in front of Nazrin and unleashes her blade so fast, it looks like a blur as it moves, then drops back to the ground.

Nazrin looks curiously, then asks "what was that all..."

Before she can finish, her protective crystal breaks into perfect little triangles, then she falls on her face on the ground. Right after lifting her face, she finds Rika right in front of her, wrapping her wings around them both.

Nazrin freezes with fear, and is unable to move as those wings trap her, and then...

A hand pops itself in front of Rika, holding a plate with a piece of peach pie on it, then Reimu casually says "here you go Rika, Specially made for you."

Rika gasps, smiles, and grabs her plate while flapping her wings happily, saying "yumm~! Thank you my lady!"

Reimu smirks as she stares at the still frozen-in-fear Nazrin, then casually says with a smile "be thankful I always make two."

Reimu pats Rika's back as her wings shrink again, then says "come on Rika, let's go home."

Rika and Reimu lift to the air, while Rika happily flaps her wings and contently says "mmm, mistress Reimu's peach pies are the BEST!"

As they leave, Nazrin takes a deep, deep breath of relief and says to her mouse partner "I really have to be more careful."

The mouse nods, and a giant wave comes by and drags her away toward the village, making her scream for help while Nitori surfs the wave and shouts "YEAH-HA~! This is perfect! Now all I need are test subjects to test it, and my portable wave will be a success!"

-

The next morning at the shrine, Reimu and Rika sit by the roof, looking at the clouds in the sky.

Reimu says "well, your fight is in one week? Are you certain you don't want to reconsider?"

Rika shakes her head lightly, then says "it's alright my lady. I'll teach that celestial a lesson, and be back here before dinner."

Both Reimu and Rika giggle, then continue to watch the clouds, then suddenly, a washtub falls on Reimu, knocking her down on to the roof.

Rika shouts "miss Reimu!"

Mima flies up and exclaims "I saw that!"

The RKNS flies by and grabs Mima's hat, then Mima rapidly give chase, shouting "HEY! That's my hat!!"

Rika looks to Mima and asks "what about miss Reimu?"

Marisa flies by and says "I'll help you with that!", then a small missile flies straight to Marisa, striking her broom and sending her twirling to the lake behind the shrine, shouting "mayday, mayday! Beautiful blonde falling! AHH~!"

After a loud splash, Rika sighs and says "this is most unfortunate."

From her left comes Hina spinning and saying "misfortunes come to me~!"

Rika smiles and asks "will you help me?"

Hina giggles, then casually says "no", then spins away.

Aya comes from the trees and shouts "I'll help you!", but right after she's finishes speaking, a blue UFO comes by and beams Aya, making her scream as she is sucked inside of it.

Rika shouts "ok, this isn't funny anymore. My lady, wake up! KYAH!"

The roof underneath Rika breaks, and from inside the shrine Rika groans and says "oh... I fell through the roof."

Reimu suddenly wakes up, groans, then rubs her head and says "washtubs are a menace!"

-

The End!

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Kyo was created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

MAR 7 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**Well, there we go. Another mishap. Poor Rika and Reimu. Yes, even the all mighty and infinitely lucky Hakurei Maiden fell victim of these random mishaps... But they aren't called mishaps for nothing, right? You know, it's a good thing there aren't washtubs falling out here in the real world, or I'm sure the headaches would never stop... Oh well, I do hope you had a good laugh here. Not to continue with my Sukimas. Take care!**


	6. Haunted Dollhouse Mishaps feat Youmu

5 days after the battle at Bahva-Agra

It's a dark night at the Forest of Magic.

The snow is now gone, the trees are returning to life, but the cold air suggest spring is not yet.

Two figures lurk about the outside of Alice's house, trying their best to make no noise as they slowly approach the house... however, failing miserably in doing so.

There is a loud bang, and a voice says "ouch! That was my foot!"

Another voice says "Youmu, keep quiet!"

Youmu whispers back "I'm sorry Yuyuko-sama. That hurt!"

Yuyuko whispers back "well next time wear your shoes."

Youmu quickly replies "you told me not to come with shoes!"

Yuyuko ignores her, then heads to the door.

She places her hand near the doorknob, then quickly backs it away, then says "ok, this is where you come in, Youmu. Are you wearing your shoes?"

Youmu angrily replies "we just went through this!"

Yuyuko smiles whimsically and says "good. Now go in through the window and open this door."

Youmu stands straight and quickly bows her head, then moves like a blur to the closest window.

Effortlessly, she opens the window and jumps inside like a blur, and taking the advantage for not wearing shoes, she calmly walks to the door.

Yuyuko waits by the other side when Youmu whispers "I'm opening the door now."

Yuyuko rubs her hands with expectation while the doorknob starts to rattle, then suddenly Youmu screams out loud, accompanied by various smacking sounds, a loud thud, and finally a solid thwack.

The door violently opens and out comes Youmu spinning in the air and screaming as her body impacts solidly on the ground.

The doorknob sticks out a large golden tongue, then the door closes up.

Yuyuko sighs and says "so close."

She casually walks to Youmu and stares at her gardener as she lies on the ground, looking like a mangled corpse, then says "you touched the seal."

Annoyed, a little dazed and in pain, Youmu looks up with her eyes and says "the door beat me up!"

Yuyuko taps Youmu's head with her closed fan and says "stop lying to me."

Youmu completely recovers, springs to her feet, then desperately shouts "no, it's true! That door is vicious! It waited for me. Told me he'd take me on a date and confused me and..."

Yuyuko opens her fan on Youmu's face, quieting down her gardener, then says "look, I know the house is scary, but we HAVE to get those two souls back. Now I don't want any more excuses, Youmu... Youmu?"

Yuyuko looks up and finds Youmu trapped inside a black thunder cloud, waving her arms, screaming her head off and calling for help as she is taken away, high to the night sky.

Yuyuko sighs and says "honestly, that girl should stop toying around so much."

From inside the house, a pair of bright red eyes stare through the window at the top of the house's tower, a crescent smile expanding under the eyes.

-

In the morning, Alice wakes up with a stretch and a long yawn, and Hourai looking inside her mouth while she does.

Alice closes her mouth, and Hourai pulls away just in time, then says "mama's teeth are so white."

Alice stares at Hourai for a moment after that, then pats her head with a slightly annoyed smile and says "good morning to you too, Hourai."

Hourai smile and happily closes her eyes as she bows her head slightly, then Shanghai says "good morning, mama. We have a visitor..."

Shanghai points out the window, and sounding a little concerned she says "she's out there."

Alice approaches the window, curiously whispering "a visitor, huh? Who could it be?"

Alice's face turns blue after she looks out her window and is greeted by a whimsical voice that says "oh hello~ Good morning there. Hope you don't mind that I borrowed some of your clothes."

Alice's face fills with anger when she looks behind herself and notices her clothes drawer is gone.

She shouts "what the hell!?" then turns to the window and continues "you ancient ghost! You better be FAR AWAY from here by the time I reach my door!"

From outside, wearing one of Alice's outfits, Yuyuko says "sure. I'll leave as soon as you return those souls to me."

In a rage, unable to change her clothes, and feeling on high tension, worried for Shanghai and Hourai, Alice rushes outside, wearing a pink sleeping gown, and accompanied by a large number of her regular dolls, and after skidding right in front of her door she shouts "alright! If you want a beating so badly I'll gladly... eh?"

Near the trees, wearing only her underwear, Yuyuko holds a fencing sword and battles against a headless knight, both letting out some battle cries as Yuyuko pushes the headless knight back to the forest.

Alice stares dumbfounded for a moment, but she almost shines with excitement and says "well, works for me! Come on, let's bring this inside. Oh, and find a stick long enough to pick the clothes she was wearing."

While the dolls work in unison to lift Alice's heavy drawer and bring it back inside, Hourai and Shanghai carry a 5 foot stick with the clothes Yuyuko was wearing before.

-

That afternoon, Alice heads to the door, carrying a small basket with her, but when she touches the doorknob, she feels it wobbling, so she curiously stops and checks it.

After inspecting it completely, she shrugs, unable to find anything wrong with it, so she turns it, then the door opens itself up very violently, flinging Alice away back to her kitchen, where there is a loud and unsettling crash, followed by some clangs and Alice's painful moaning.

From the door comes Youmu, looking both a little surprised and impressed for some reason, while Yuyuko pushes her way through, giggling happily as she heads down the house's corridor.

Halfway through the corridor, Shanghai is floating there, casually staring back at Yuyuko, who raises her hand and waves her fingers while smiling and still giggling.

The ghost princess reaches for the doll, then a silver washtub falls on her head, and a black hole opens just under her feet.

Youmu rushes in, looking preoccupied as she looks around for Yuyuko.

She takes a bit of breath to address to Shanghai, but from the room beside them some chains rattle, comes a high-pitched moan, and when Youmu looks to her right she sees a white ghost with no legs dragging around heavy silver chains and moaning loudly as it heads straight to her.

Youmu's face turns almost transparent, and she and her ghost half run as fast as they can away from the house, Youmu screaming and crying as she runs, then the entry door closes up.

On the corridor, Shanghai pulls the white sheet, revealing Hourai, dragging some heavy-looking chains from one room to another underneath it, completely unaware of what just happened.

At the Garden of The Sun, Yuyuko flies away as fast as she can while being followed by Yuka, Elly and a curious-looking Kurumi.

-

That night, Yuyuko approaches Alice's house with a more determined look in her face, replacing her usual whimsical expression.

From behind her, sounding tired, Youmu says "Yuyu-sama, why don't we just forget about those dolls? I mean, there are plenty of souls back at the Netherworld already. Can't we just...?"

Before she can finish, Yuyuko angrily turns around and says "Youmu, I don't want to hear another peep out of you! We are getting those souls back, and that is all there is to it! Understood?"

Youmu sighs and sadly says "understood..."

Yuyuko turns around and her face changes to her usual whimsical face, then calls "yoo-hoo~ Miss Alice~!"

From the window inside the house, Alice glares toward the ghost princess and shouts "go~... away~!"

Yuyuko quickly says "but I got something that really might interest you!"

With her hands, she points right behind her, revealing Youmu, inside a large silk cocoon disguise, looking both embarrassed and annoyed, then says "I found all this silk and thought you might want it, so why don't you come out and claim this marvelous gift I brought you?"

From the window, Alice shouts "how stupid do you think I am? I can clearly see your gardener inside that RIDICULOUS disguise from here!"

Yuyuko covers her face with her fan while whispering "Youmu, turn around!", then uncovers her face again after Youmu turns around, and smiles as she says "what are you talking about? All that there is here is me and this amazingly large cocoon with so much silk on it, you'll never need to look for silk again... you know... for your little dolls' dresses."

When she looks to the house again, Alice is gone from the window.

She pouts, puffs her cheeks, then says "I guess she's smarter than she looks."

From the left come Reimu and Remilia, both inside a giant water monster, spinning inside its large belly and screaming their heads off, Rika chasing after the monster and shouting "please, give me back my lady, you mean monster!"

As they disappear into the trees, the monster gurgles and Remilia shouts "save me too, dammit~!"

Yuyuko face palms while sighing, then says "so any ideas, Youmu...? Youmu?"

When Yuyuko turns around, the cocoon disguise is ripped in half, and Youmu is flying away, flapping a pair of beautiful butterfly wings that have grown on her back.

Yuyuko stares while a large sweat drop falls from the back of her head, letting out a soft "oh~..."

-

The next morning, Alice steps out of her house, looking bright and full of life as she merrily looks around, and after taking a deep breath the ground underneath her crumbles, Alice yelps, then the top of the hole she is in gets covered by a grid made entirely of death butterflies.

Yuyuko comes to view, and with a whimsical smile on her face and waves her fingers at Alice, then walks into the house.

Alice's face turns red with rage while she growls loudly, but after realizing there is no way for her to escape, she sighs and sits down while sadly looking toward the blocked exit.

Inside the house, Shanghai is cleaning the kitchen table with a white cloth when Yuyuko approaches her and stares with a happy, whimsical smile, and right after she's noticed, she grabs hold of Shanghai with one hand, then prepares to touch the little nervous doll's forehead with her other hand, however, Hourai accidentally lets a large metal pot slip to the air and lands straight on to Yuyuko's head.

She releases Shanghai on reflex, then both dolls fly to the ceiling, where there's a green colored charm to protect them.

Yuyuko stares from below, showing great resolve on her face, and regardless of the charm, she intends to take the two dolls.

From the hole, Alice can hear crashing, smashing and some harp strings being played from her house, making her feel more desperate.

She flies to the death butterflies, hoping to be able to do something, however when she gets too close, one of the butterflies releases a thick blue beam while another releases a large blue orb that knock Alice back down.

Feeling desperate, Alice gets up and is determined to try again, however she hears a "pst", then looks to her left.

Mima, wearing sunglasses and a brown cloak that doesn't cover her head too well, smirks at Alice while rubbing her fingers together, then points up to the exit.

Alice stares determinedly toward Mima, then nods.

Back inside the house, Yuyuko ignores the pain as the charm shocks her entire body, however, she is inches away from reaching the dolls, so Hourai kicks the tip of Yuyuko's middle fingers as hard as she can, making Yuyuko flinch and pull her hands back, then falls to the table below, breaking it in the process.

Yuyuko gets up, struggling with the pain in her back, then glares up at the dolls, who smile and wave their little hands at her.

She's about to fly up, but Alice grabs her shoulder while smiling with murderous intent, and after half an hour of thwacks, bumps, crashes, crunches, and screaming, Alice comes out, looking happy and very satisfied while taking out a large black garbage bag she places next to some other burnable garbage bags.

Inside the house's kitchen, Alice, Shanghai, Hourai and Yuyuko enjoy a happy morning of tea-drinking and snacking on a brand new kitchen table.

-

Later that day, Youmu sneaks around the outside of the house, looking inside through the windows and whispering "they're out. I just need to enter and do what Yuyu-sama told me..."

She finds an open window at the back of the house, whispering "bingo" then gets inside immediately.

She walks inside the house and says to herself "alright, now I have to place the spell charms over the floor and walls, then..."

From behind her she hears a whisper, making her shake as her face turns blue.

She turns around and holds her short sword by its sheathe and nervously asks "who-wh-wh-who's.. there?"

She looks around the house but finds nobody or nothing that could talk back... that is, until she looks at the door and angrily says "YOU~!"

An ominous aura surrounds the door as a long whisper reaches the trembling gardener.

Youmu unsheathes both her swords and stances ready, then points at the door and says "yo-you can't trick me again! I'll cut you to pieces and use the lumber to make my NEXT practice dummies! HAYA~~!"

From outside the house, loud crashes and bumps echo through the clearing, then suddenly the door opens... but nothing happens.

From outside, away from the house and under the shade of the trees, Yuyuko stares toward the door and asks herself "did she finish already?"

Youmu is magically dragged outside the house, her body gets lifted, and her bottom raised against the door.

Yuyuko winces when the door suddenly shuts itself hard, smacking Youmu's seat, and sending her flying straight toward a dark lighting cloud, where she is continually shocked as she is lifted away toward the sky.

Yuyuko sweats and thinks "still no progress."

-

It's dark, and after various other attempts, Yuyuko and Youmu finally managed to enter the house, and now have turned it into a run-down haunted manor.

When Alice finally arrives home with Shanghai and Hourai sleeping on her shoulders, she gasps and shouts "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE~~!?!?!"

Shanghai and Hourai slowly wake up, rubbing their eyes while moaning, then Shanghai asks "mm. Mama, what's wrong?"

When they dolls look at the house, Hourai sighs and says "we're still drunk."

Alice angrily replies "not now, not now!"

Alice opens the creaky door and peeks inside, whispering "seems clear girls. Come on in."

Alice enters the haunted house, shortly followed by the two frightened dolls.

Alice sighs and comments "this is one heck of a spell... Well, at least it's not as bad as I thought."

There are a couple of thuds coming from the rooms, and Shanghai and Hourai immediately fly behind Alice, trembling with fright, then Shanghai, her eyes turned into little white dots and her nose dripping, asks "mama, what is that?"

Alice bravely pulls a spell card from her capelet and says "it might be that ghost princess again. Shanghai, Hourai, stay close to me."

Alice slowly walks toward the source of the thumping, now accompanied by some moans that echo around, the floor below her creaks and crunches, a cold chill surrounds the magician and her two dolls as well.

They walk to the door that leads to Alice's work tower, where the sounds get stronger, then Alice whisper "whatever happens to me, you two keep away from that ghost."

The dolls nod, then Alice kicks the door hard, looking aggravated while shouting "I'm getting TIRED of you.... EEEEHH!?"

Alice, Shanghai and Hourai blush tomato red when they find Yuyuko lying on top of Youmu, both tied up together in a very suggestive way.

Alice shivers and looks away, then angrily asks "you-you shameless, perverted ghosts, what the HELL are you doing there!?"

Youmu panics and quickly says "no! It's not like that! Please, just untie us!!!"

Yuyuko giggles and with a whimsical smile she says "but Youmu, I thought you were enjoying this!"

Alice stretches her neck along with her two dolls as their eyes hide under their blushing cheeks, then suddenly shouts "Doll Lemming's Paradise!"

About 50 dolls jump out of nowhere and walk straight toward the two screaming ghosts, then all the dolls explode violently at the same time, sending the two ghosts, still tied up, flying to the sky, their skin and clothes burned and singed.

After a few hours, still tied up together in the forest, Yuyuko smiles and says "Youmu... I really need to use the bathroom now."

Youmu panics and shouts "WAIT! JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE!"

A little lone doll comes walking from the bushes and heads straight to the two tied ghosts, Youmu panicking and trying to jump around and break free, while Yuyuko complains "this isn't helping, Youmu! I'm going to explode!"

Youmu shouts "You're a big girl! HOLD IT IN!"

While Youmu screams and Yuyuko tries to hold it in, the little doll walks casually toward them... then releases them from their bonds by pulling a single string around their shoulders.

Youmu looks surprised at the smiling doll, then says "th-thank you."

From the bushes come Yuki, who grabs the little doll and shakes it around while shouting "oh my gosh, this doll is so CUTE~! Alice must have made it! She makes the CUTEST dolls ev...er?"

The doll glows brightly, then explodes with such force, Youmu and Yuyuko are sent flying again.

Youmu sighs and says "well, at least we can take you to a bathroom now."

Smiling whimsically, Yuyuko says "funny thing, I don't need one anymore."

Youmu twitches as she stares at Yuyuko while a shadow covers her eyes.

Down at the forest, Yuki lies on the ground, burned to a crisp and coughing out black clouds, still holding on to the doll's remains.

-

The next morning, Alice finishes restoring her house to its normal state, and looking tired and exhausted, her eyes baggy and dark around the lower lids, she moans and says "uu- Finally. Stupid ghosts. They really made a mess."

Shanghai smiles and says "good thing it was just magical, right ma...ma!"

Shanghai falls asleep while talking to Alice and almost falls to the ground, however Alice manages to grab her in time, then picks up the sleeping Hourai from the cupboard and in a motherly tone she says "rest my little angels. You were great help."

Regardless of the hour, Alice prepares herself to sleep, while Yuyuko roams outside the house with a determined look on her face and saying "I'm not leaving without those souls. They belong back home in the gardens!"

She looks around and whispers "she's probably tired, so I'll just wait for her to go back to sleep, and..."

When Yuyuko looks in front of her, the sleepy Alice stands right next to her, and without hesitation, she places a red and yellow amulet on the ghost's forehead, then says "you should rest too."

While Yuyuko's body vanishes from sight, Yuyuko threateningly says "I'll be back before you know what hit you~!"

Right after Yuyuko disappears, Alice turns around to enter her home, but it quickly swept away by a dark raincloud, making her scream as she is dragged to the sky and getting wet form the rain.

-

That afternoon, while going through the Forest of Magic, Yuyuko hears a chirp and stops on her tracks, and looking very serious she says "you better not even try it, or I'll be taking your soul home instead."

The chirps sound furious, accompanied by rapid flapping of wings, then Yuyuko turns around and looking angry she says "if that's how you want to play, then I'll play. Just know that I did give you fair warning."

Yuyuko pulls a spell card from her kimono, then suddenly comes the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow and takes the card away before she can declare her spell, then chirps loudly, activating the spell card.

While the spell activates, Yuyuko glares back at the little sparrow and aggravated she says "ooh, you are a nuisance."

Around the RKNS, a circle of yellow and pink death butterflies forms up, all striking hard on Yuyuko and sending her flying, and while she does, the RKNS follows her and takes pictures while lifting her skirt a little.

After that, a small bubble with Reimu inside, drinking tea, says "that was Yuyuko's- KYAH!"

Reimu is pushed outside of the circle by a blushing Youmu, who clears her throat, then says "that was Yuyu-sama's Everlasting Nap In Dreamland, and now you even took those pictures! I want them in my hands this instant, you pervert!"

The little sparrow chirps furiously, then Youmu angrily replies "I would like to see you TRY! Besides, I wear long bloomers! There's no WAY you'll get embarrassing..."

The RKNS enters the little bubble and flies fast around Youmu, ripping off her bloomers and her skirt, revealing Youmu is wearing gym shorts underneath, then starts taking pictures.

Youmu's face turns bright red, her eyes hide under a dark shadow, then she runs away with her arms in the air and cries "Yuyu-sama~! This bird is mean~!"

The little sparrow exits the circle after Youmu leaves to the background, then grabs Reimu from the ground and tosses her back in, sending the little circle away, then flying away and chirping victoriously afterward.

-

That night, Yuyuko watches from a distance as Alice and her dolls go to bed after dinner, even though they had slept all day.

She smiles and says "now's my chance!"

After all the lights turn off, Yuyuko stealthily approaches the house, then right in front of her, from high above the clouds, falls a two door cabinet.

Yuyuko stares curiously at it and says "oh my, what a lovely piece of furniture. And from the heavens too."

She gently passes her hand around it while covering her face with her fan and inspects it thoroughly, then closes her fan and lightly taps the cabinet with it and says "I think I like it. Youmu, come here for a second."

Almost instantly, Youmu appears next to Yuyuko and asks "what is it Yuyuko-sama?"

Yuyuko smiles whimsically while standing next to the mysterious cabinet, then Youmu sighs and says "alright, I'll get it home."

Before Youmu can touch it, the cabinet jumps in place one to which Youmu points at it and says "there's something inside."

Whimsically, Yuyuko says "oh my. Then open it and check it out."

Youmu hesitates for a moment, but nods and approaches the jumping cabinet.

She slowly reaches for the doors and grabs the handles. Yuyuko impatiently says "go on already!"

Youmu replies "ok, ok, I'm sorry."

Youmu opens the doors and out bursts Yuyuko, who lands on Youmu's belly, pinning her on the floor, crying and shouting "Youmu, you IDIOT! I've been stuck there for HOURS, calling out for you and banging on those steel gates! What were you doing all this time!?"

Youmu stares back completely in shock and dumbfounded, and before she can answer Yuyuko says "aw, never mind *sob* just take me home!"

Yuyuko gets off from Youmu's abdomen, then flies away home.

Youmu looks at the cabinet, and beside it is Mai, who flaps her small angel wings and casually says "it's better if you don't know."

-

The next morning, after doing their laundry, Alice, Shanghai and Hourai are outside the house, hanging Alice's clothes to dry under the beautiful sun, unaware they are being watched by Yuyuko, who has a most mischievous smile on her face, and Youmu, who stands by, looking seriously toward the two dolls.

Yuyuko's eyes glint, giving Youmu the signal to strike. Yuyuko quickly jumps out from behind the trees and shouts "HAA~!" getting Alice's full attention.

Youmu jumps from the trees and runs toward the distracted dolls as fast as she can, and when she's inches away, a watery wave courses rapidly by, dragging Youmu away, screaming and waving her arms.

Alice and the dolls turn around to see Youmu get carried away, while Yuyuko angrily sighs and face palms.

She quickly realizes the dolls and Alice are completely distracted by Youmu's little mishap, so she quickly and quietly approaches the two dolls and reaches for them, and just as she's about to grab them, Rumia and Agava roll by, fighting over a large piece of meat, each struggling hard against the other and rolling all around, wrapping Yuyuko between them as they continue their struggle down the forest.

Alice, Shanghai and Hourai all stare at each other, then shrug and hang the last of the shirts, then suddenly, the floor under Alice and Hourai flips, and after it stops, Keine, the history teacher of the village, stands awestruck in front of Alice's laundry, looking around and constantly saying "huh? Huh?"

Shanghai sighs, then casually flies back inside the house.

-

That afternoon, Yuyuko and Youmu bluntly approach the house and knock on the door.

From inside, Alice shouts "go away already. I am NOT giving you my girls!"

Yuyuko playfully says "I'm going to continue haunting you until you returns those souls to me~!"

From inside, sounding dangerously playful, Alice replies "oh-ho-ho~! Why don't you come over here and say that to my FACE!? Whoops, I forgot! You can't enter because of the CHARMS!"

While Alice cackles from inside, Yuyuko smiles and points at to door while facing Youmu. Youmu smirks and whispers "payback!"

She slashes the door with her long sword over and over and over again, breaking it into tiny pieces.

She walks in and points at Alice, but before she can speak, she sense something behind her.

To her dismay, the pieces of door have come to life and are flying right next to her. Youmu's cheeks turn blue and she suddenly finds herself crying and running away while the small pieces of door follow her and strike her body all over.

Yuyuko waves her fan in front of her face and whimsically says "oh~! She wasn't lying after all."

Yuyuko turns to Alice, then says "now... the door is gone so I can finally enter your house without problems... so."

She walks inside the house and walks toward Alice and the two dolls, then opens her mouth and quickly realizes she is in Reimu's shrine, where Mima, Reimu and Rika stare back at her with curiosity, then Rika asks "you are... lady Yuyuko, correct? Would you like some tea?"

Yuyuko looks around, then says "wait, no. I was just facing the puppeteer."

Reimu sighs, then says "look, forget about those dolls and just go home."

Yuyuko continues "but I was just there... I was there, facing her just now... How did she do that? How did I get here?"

While questioning this, Yuyuko turns around and continues to wonder while flying away.

After she is gone, Mima asks "you're not telling her?"

Reimu shrugs and says "she didn't ask."

Mima laughs, then suddenly is trapped by a dark lightning cloud that shocks her as it takes her away to the sky, screaming, waving her arms and calling for help, to which Reimu completely ignores and continues to drink her tea.

-

At night, Yuyuko floats above Alice's house, noticing the door has been completely rebuilt, and looking more menacing than ever.

She circles about the tower and notices a small open window there and thinks "I think I can squeeze through... Might need to make some adjustments, though."

Yuyuko forces herself through the small window, having removed her clothes and hat, keeping her underwear in order to fit through the window.

Once inside she thinks "now all I have to do is find those dolls and be done with it."

She makes her way to Alice's room without making a single noise, then finds both Shanghai and Hourai sleeping side by side of Alice on the bed.

She smiles and approaches the bed, then quickly takes Shanghai away.

She reaches for Hourai, but Alice moves side-ways and blocks Yuyuko's attempts.

The ghost princess knows she can't fly, or Alice, or even the dolls can sense her, so she fills herself up with determination, and slowly climbs up Alice's bed.

Slowly, she reaches for Hourai, promptly managing to grab the doll's head, then slowly pulls her away, when suddenly, the floorboards next to Alice's bed pop open and Yuki shouts out loud "HI ALICE~!!!"

Yuyuko flinches and loses her balance while Alice jumps up to find Yuyuko right on top of her, then the ghost princess falls right on top of Alice, pinning her against her own bed.

Yuki looks to the bed, blushes beet red, then shouts "WHOA~! Sorry, I saw nothing. Carry on!" and like a slithering snake, she crawls back under the floorboards.

Yuyuko pushes herself up and smiles while staring at Alice, quickly realizing Shanghai and Hourai are flying around her freely.

Yuyuko tries to explain, saying "erm... this is.. um..."

Alice takes a better look at Yuyuko and notice's she's in her underwear, then blushes beet red as well.

From outside Alice room, Alice can be heard shouting "you pervert princess! THIS is what you wanted all this time!?"

Yuyuko says "NO! I'm after the dolls!"

Alice shouts "ooh, so I'm not good enough!?"

Yuyuko says "what are you talking about!?"

Alice shouts "Curse Sign Shanghai Doll!!!"

Yuyuko flies out the window, blasted by a wide purple beam, then from the window Alice shouts "and if you ever try something like that again, I'm sealing you in a public TOILET, you FREAK!"

After a few hours pass and Alice fixes her window and goes back to sleep, Yuyuko flies up to the tower to look for the clothes she left on the roof, and while dressing up she sighs and says "I guess I can try again later... Won't be trying THIS again, though."

Right after she puts on her kimono, a watery wave rushes by and traps Yuyuko, who shouts and waves her arms, while Yuki and Mai surf the wave, Yuki casually saying "oh look, it's Alice's girlfriend."

Yuyuko cries "no wait. It's a misunderstanding~!"

Inside the tower, a pair of glinting eyes and a crescent smile looks on as Yuyuko is being carried away.

Inside, Keine says "see, I told you this was history gold!"

Akyuu sits by the window with a wicked smile on her face and writing everything she sees, then turns to Keine and says "oh yeah. I am definitely glad I saw ALL of it."

-

The next morning, exhausted and fresh out of will to fight, Yuyuko slumps back home to the Netherworld where Youmu greets her and says "welcome home Yuyuko-sama. Were you succ-?"

Yuyuko raises her hand and says "Youmu, I just want to sleep. I'll try again some other time. Right now... I just want to rest."

When Yuyuko looks to Hakugyokurou, a large missile impacts it, exploding far and wide, and after the smoke and fire rapisdly rushes by, the RKNS is placing a foreclosure sign in front of small house that has a few round tables in front of it, all next to Hakugyokurou.

Yuyuko angrily says "come on! Just because I placed my finger in the soup! I'll have you know I am a princess! That's a royal meal there!"

The bird chirps once, then Yuyuko pouts and looks away.

Youmu walks by, slips on a small puddle of water, then grabs Yuyuko's kimono by reflex and rips it off, revealing red underwear underneath.

Yuyuko shrieks and the RKNS starts taking many pictures while bleeding through his nose.

Yuyuko cries "Youmu, you idiot!" while running to the ghostly shrine, and after Youmu gets up and dusts herself, she says "boy... it's been so weird around here."

A water monster falls on top of Youmu, trapping her inside its belly and making her spin around as she scream her lungs out an calls for help that never comes.

-

The end.

Characters, spell cards and scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Agava and the RKNS were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot2010

MAR 10 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

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**A/N:**

**Well this turned out interesting. I never thought I would actually make one for Yuyuko... at least not like this! Wow, I mean, she even went against the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow there. She was bound to lose, though. That damned bird is just too much win. Oh, and about Youmu having those gym shorts underneath her regular clothes, I got this idea from a doujin called "Gensokyo Great Sports Day ~ 200 Yojana in a Flash" by "Kuroneko1911a1". It's a 4koma, and it's quite random. Ah well. Time to get busy with "Paradise Sukima" again. I am sure after all these laughs, I am ready for this next chapter... It's a heavy one. Take care, everyone. See you next mishap, and do beware of tiny night sparrows.**


	7. Shameimaru Mishaps Award

**This short mishap is created in similarity to Aya's "Reporter of the year" video, where the anons (sin sacks) totally mess her speech up and tick her off.**

**

* * *

**It's a beautiful day in Gensokyo, and everyone is gathering at the Hakurei Shrine for a grand celebration... A congratulatory celebration for Aya's success with her impeccable photography, and amazingly written stories, all for her very own paper, the Bunbunmaru Newspaper.

Some tengu, some kappa, the Scarlet Devil herself, the Myouren Temple, some villagers, the history teacher, Entei, Yuka and her lackeys, Elly and Kurumi, Hakugyokurou, the Goddesses of the Moriya Shrine... All have gathered here, and are sitting by some rather uncomfortable seats, all waiting for Aya to give her speech, all glaring quietly toward the podium.

Rika is making sure that everything is properly and place, and that everyone is as comfortable as possible, while Reimu, Rinnosuke, Nitori, and The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, prepare the podium where Aya will give her speech.

Finally, Nitori connects two large black speakers to the microphone, then flips her thumb up, then Reimu, who stands by the podium, taps the microphone, making sure it's not too loud, nor too low, then clears her throat, holding a stack of papers on her hands, then says "welcome everyone. Today we are gathered here to show our support to Gensokyo's best... and only... news reporter. She has gone through many hardships, but has finally achieved a high status... well actually it's quite normal, but this is that tengu, so we can't expect any more from her."

Everyone laughs, except for Rika, who stares reprehensively toward her mistress while placing her hands on her hips.

The RKNS approaches Reimu, then chirps something in her ear, then Reimu clears her throat, then says "as I was saying. We are here to show our support and all that stuff I just said before to Gensokyo's very own... Aya Shameimaru!"

Reimu claps her hands twice, then is followed by a few others, and when Aya reaches the podium, her hair left long, showing off her pointy ears, and now wearing a self-made press badge around her arm, everybody claps without moving their hands at all.

Right underneath the podium, where Aya can't see a thing, Rika turns on a machine that sounds like everyone is cheering and applauding while flipping her thumb up to Nitori, who responds with an obviously forced thumbs-up as she looks disapproving of this.

-

When Rika turns her machine off, Aya takes a deep breath and everyone shouts "SHAMEIMARU!!!"

Aya sweats and smiles, then whispers "um... thanks" then takes another deep breath, and the RKNS flies by, chirping loudly, followed shortly by Reimu who's carrying many cables and accidentally tangles one of them around Aya's neck, knocking Aya down and shouting "sorry!", from the distance.

Aya gets up from the ground with Rika's help, who bows and flaps her wings, then quickly gets off the small stage.

The tengu approaches the podium, then looks all around, waits for anyone to speak, then after making sure nobody would bother her she says "hello everybody, and thank you all for being here. My name is Aya Shameimaru, and I would like to thank you all for coming here to celebrate the success..."

Remilia springs off her seat and shouts at the top of her lungs "I WANNA SEE SOME SKIN, TENGU!!!"

The village men start talking amongst themselves, murmuring incoherently, then only words that come through are the words "hot, underwear, and mini-skirt."

Aya blushes and says "n-now now, please this is a serious event. I'm not going to..."

The villagers suddenly shout "Shameimaru Aya~!", followed by Tewi shouting "ayayaya~~!", then in an instant, Aya is wearing a white two-piece swimsuit, which gets the attention of the RKNS, who takes as many pictures as possible while bleeding through his nose and chirping excitedly, before Aya realizes what's going on, yelps and hides behind the podium.

The village males all smiles while bleeding through their noses, then Sakuya and Remilia high-five, Sakuya looking infinitely satisfied.

Rika rushes in her Soraogan mode toward Aya and quickly wraps her wings around the tengu, and after a moment, Aya springs back up, wearing her regular clothes, then the spectators all shout angrily as Rika leaves the area, the males in particular, looking sad and saying "AWWW~", one of them whispering a sad "Shameimaru."

-

After shaking off her embarrassment, Aya says "p-please, this is a serious occasion. Behavior like this will get us absolutely nowhere!"

Aya looks around, staring concernedly at the audience in front of her, then takes a deep, relaxing breath of air, then says "like I was saying... Thanks to all your support, the Bunbunmaru has reached a new height, but there is still a long road to tread before my paper is..."

A large round disk that looks like it's sending large beams of color inside itself with a small hole in its middle slowly rises from behind Aya, and when the light reflects on it, Okuu screams out loud and flies away along with Petal, who caws loudly.

Aya raises an eyebrow, then looks behind her. When she sees the giant CD she freezes in a panic, then suddenly pops her magical wings out of hiding and screams out loud as she flies away.

Reimu hides behind the giant disk, trying her best to suppress her laughter, but she lets out a giggle, regardless of her efforts.

Rika rushes by, holding her family sword tightly in her hands, then starts cutting the disk as quickly as she can.

Reimu runs away, still giggling, while Rika cuts the disk, then approaches the RKNS and whispers something.

After the disk becomes small shards, Rika calls "miss Aya, it's gone!"

-

While Rika sweeps the shards away, Aya stands in front of the podium again, trembling while she looks around, then takes a deep breath of relief, then says "s-sorry about that. Umm, a-anyway, I wanted to also thank you all for, particularly you, girls of Gensokyo, for your cooperation in the preparation and distribution of the Youkai-Girls of Gensokyo album included in the latest copy of my newspaper."

The girls in the seats glare unblinking at Aya, some blushing and looking embarrassed, and others clenching their teeth and showing great displeasure, while the men, including Kyo, all smile and flip their thumbs up to Aya, however Kyo promptly receives a bash on the skull by Luna, who then turns her rage-filled attention towards Aya.

The tengu notices the many glares and nervously says "err... if... if it wasn't for your incredible beauty and confidence in yourselves, the album might have been a failure. Th-thank you very much..."

Youmu shouts "so you ADMIT to taking those pictures!?"

Aya stutters, then Reisen says "that's ALL I needed to hear! You're going to JAIL, bird!"

Aya panics, then Momiji approaches Aya with a very serious look, and after placing her arm on Aya's shoulder, she says "you're coming downtown, miss pervert!"

Aya stutters "bu-bu-bu-bu..."

The RKNS comes flying down, carrying with him a large yellow disk with a red center, then swoops after Aya, who quickly panics and screams, sprouting her wings again and flying away as fast as possible.

Momiji blows on a loud silver whistle, then shouts "AFTER HER!"

Momiji and two more tengu chase after Aya and the RKNS, and after that comes Rika, shouting "wait just a moment! She's under contract! Miss Aya, come back and finish your speech!"

Satori covers Okuu's and Petal's eyes in the meantime, saying "no, no. You shouldn't watch such things"

While Aya is away, Reimu, with a large smirk on her face, starts working on something around the podium, making many hammering and sawing sounds.

-

Rika returns with the shivering Aya and places her behind the podium again, then holds a piece of paper with Reimu's signature on it, stopping Momiji and the other tengu from getting to Aya and saying "until her speech is finished, she STAYS right there."

Rika approaches Aya and says "I'll try to find a way to save you, so just finish that speech."

Aya gulps and trembles, then says "y-y-y-yeah... th-the speech. Heh heh!"

Aya looks around with a terrified expression, then gulps and relaxes herself, then takes a deep breath and Yuka says "what a pervert!"

Aya shouts "hey, I'm NOT a pervert!"

From the other side, a villager shouts "AYA, MARRY ME~!"

Aya sweats and wants to shout back, but Flandre shouts "SHAMEIMARU~", followed by Koakuma, who shouts "Aya-chan!!!", then both Koakuma and Flandre giggle while holding their mouths with their hands.

Aya sighs and quickly says "and so, I wanted to thank you all for..."

The audience starts clapping and cheering, then Aya looks around and smiles, her cheeks turning pink as she rubs the back of her head, repeating "um, thank you.... thank you very much. Heh, thank you, but please, let me... eh?"

Aya turns around and to her left is an enlarged picture of her behind while wearing the swimsuit before, and to her right, an enlarged picture of her chest, and right above her, an enlarged full-body picture of her, blushing right after realizing she's wearing the piece.

Aya's eyes hide under a dark shadow as she stares back at the large pictures, then Rika flies by, holding her sword tightly as she turns all the pictures into hardly recognizable shreds.

Meanwhile around the audience, Reimu and the RKNS exchange albums of Aya's bikini shots for some small donations.

-

After recovering herself, though looking aggravated now, Aya approaches the microphone again, then says "LIKE... I was saying... Thanks to EACH and every one of you, and I hope you'll keep supporting me on my NEXT album, which will feature..."

Suddenly, Aya is wearing tight black clothes with spiked armbands, a spiked neckband, white and black paint all over her face, and screaming her lungs out while holding on to a black and white guitar, sticking out her tongue while playing the instrument, keeping it above her head.

The Prismriver sisters quickly join in and start playing along with Aya.

The tengu's hair turns frizzy and puffy, hiding her pointy ears underneath it, then she starts shouting to the microphone and apparently singing while doing so.

Aya suddenly stops and looks around, then looks at herself in a mirror that Reimu places just as Aya looks.

The tengu gasps, her face fills with great shock and surprise as she trembles at the sight.

She looks around her and notices the many lights behind her and the Prismriver sisters flying away from the small stage.

Aya turns to the podium, takes a deep breath, her face turns red with rage, then she suddenly lifts the guitar and screams again, however this time in a rage, as she smashes the instrument with all her might against the podium, the stage, the lights, the speakers, then tosses the remaining pieces of the instrument toward Remilia, who grabs it with a smile on her face and shouts "FIGHT~~!" while raising both fists in the air.

Everyone in the audience, even the villagers, grab the nearest thing they can find and start throwing it around, while Rika flies to Aya and covers her up with her wings.

Meanwhile, Reimu, Koishi and the RKNS hide behind the shrine, all suppressing their laughter while the mess continues out front.

Koishi takes a quick breath and says "let's see what I can do next..."

-

After everything settles again, Aya stands by the podium and stares at everyone present before she takes a deep breath, then quickly says "so thank you very much for you support, and I hope you keep supporting me and my paper when I release my Double Spoiler collection, feature the beautiful and tight clothings of the many hot girls living in this land called Genso...kyo..."

When Aya realizes what she just said, she notices the many girls, all preparing their spells while glaring back at her.

Aya panics and shouts "WAIT! Not that! It's danmaku! I meant the BEAUTIFUL DANMAKU... with so many sexy curves and silky skinned goddesses and.. WAAAAH!!! What's going on!?"

The girls from the audience quickly unleash their danmaku straight at Aya, who takes her camera and takes a quick picture, opening a large gap between the danmaku in which she can escape, but before she flies away, Rika shouts "JUST FINISH IT!"

Aya grabs the microphone before lifting to the sky and says "so to thank you all for your kind support..."

She stops and takes another picture to save herself from the wall of danmaku, then continues "...in tomorrow's issue I'll be releasing the Cute Boys of Gensokyo Collection!"

The danmaku stops, the girls stop attacking, then there's only silence.

Rika sighs and says "we would have avoided so much if you would have just told them that earlier."

From the shrine, Reimu stares at the RKNS and shouts "you didn't tell me that, you creep!" The RKNS tweets, then quickly flies away.

-

Back in front, the girls all murmur as they talk to each other, while Aya takes a deep breath of air from the podium and says "thank goodness that's over."

From the side, Momiji says "great, so the speech is now over. Aya Shameimaru..."

From the audience and man shouts "SHAMEIMARU~~!"

Momiji and Aya look around for a moment, then Momiji continues "you are here-by under arrest for being such a dirty pervert."

Rika shouts "HOLD IT!", then walks to Momiji.

She stares peacefully at Momiji and asks "didn't you, miss Momiji Inubashiri, help miss Aya with the task of editing the pictures, where you also commented that me and my lady Reimu looked great in leotards?"

Rika adds in an undertone "so embarrassing..."

Momiji twitches and sweats, her eyes hidden under a dark shadow as she stutters, looking for an excuse, but she and Aya find themselves cuffed together, then Rika says "sorry, it's the best I could find. But don't worry. They'll let you off with some community service."

Aya and Momiji sigh, then Aya says "geez, at least we won't have to stay in prison, where the silky curves and ample bosoms make me shiver uncontrollably while I squeeze my face in them-WAAH~!"

Aya's face turns blue when she realizes what she's saying, then shouts "what the hell is this!? Momiji! Momiji!! Don't leave me alone in there!"

Momiji tries to run away, folding her ears down and saying "no, miss Aya! Keep away from me!"

Aya and Momiji get carried away by the tengu while Aya cries "I'm not a pervert~!"

Momiji cries "someone save me from this pervert~!"

The audience is now leaving as Rika looks up toward Aya and Momiji, then asks "did I do the right thing? I mean, she DID steal those pictures right from under our noses."

Sitting beside the podium with an innocent smile on her face, Koishi says "you're a very good girl. Of course you did the right thing."

Rika turns to Koishi and exclaims "oh no! I forgot to give miss Petal her gift and apologize to miss Satori!"

Koishi playfully says "no you didn't. But I won't let you do that yet. That's for another chapter."

Koishi then sighs and adds "I'm going to miss that tengu. She has a very fun subconscious mind."

Rika smiles and sweats while staring at Koishi, then nervously says "please don't make us do bad things."

From under the stage floor, Yuki pops out and shouts "HI EVERYBODY~!" then a golden washtub falls on her head, knocking her out with a smile on her face as she drools and twitches on the floor.

-

The end

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Kyo, Luna and the RKNS were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

MAR 10 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

**A/N**

**A short mishaps for miss Aya as to congratulate her on her new game, Double Spoiler. I know I will be cursing and rage-quitting the game LONG before I can see much of it, but still... congratulations miss Shameimaru. I really enjoyed writing this small mishap here, and I hope you liked reading it!**


	8. Moon Visit Plus Mishaps

Summer morning at the Hakurei Shrine.

Ail and Rika jump right out of one of Yukari's gap, and right after landing, from inside the gap, Yukari says "well, now you know, little man. You should be able to take her there on your own."

Ail salutes the gap and says "thanks for everything. I should be able to help out some more, now that I know how to get there."

Rika bows to the gap, and says "Really, thank you for everything, miss Yukari."

Yukari finally pops half of her head out of the gap, and playfully says "you're welcome. You two have fun now~"

As soon as Yukari enters her gaps and closes it off, Budou comes flying form the shrine, exclaims "welcome back, papa! Are we going to the moon now?"

Rika giggles and says "yes... er, I mean. Well, my lady Reimu may need my help today, so..."

Reimu walks out of the shrine and kneels on the porch with a basket full of seaweed cookies, and a cup of tea on her hand. She looks at Rika, smiles, then says "go ahead. I'll be just fine, so you two enjoy your honeymoon."

Ail and Rika's faces turns white, then blue, then Ail nervously says "Re-Reimu, are you trying to get me killed?"

In a sad tone, Rika adds "my lady, you are being mean today."

Reimu chuckles while she counts down with her fingers, and right after he hides the last finger, she grabs her snack basket and teacup, and flies away, avoiding a couple of red pentagrams.

On the sky, Sanae is surrounded by flames, fire comes out of her eyes and mouth, then she says "Reimu~ You take that back, you lazy maiden!"

Reimu giggles and playfully replies "oh, did I say something wrong?"

While Ail, Budou and Rika watch them fly around the sky, Sanae shouts "you leave him alone, you hear!"

Reimu laughs mockingly, then says "your aim's a little off."

Sanae shouts "QUIT IT!"

Ail asks "so, Rika, I think we can go now, right?"

Budou asks "what's a honeymoon? Is it a moon made of honey?"

Both Rika and Ail laugh nervously, then Ail suddenly notices he has the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow on his left shoulder.

Ail asks "um, what's the matter?"

The bird flaps its wings and flies right in front of Ail's face and chirps once.

Ail's face turns blue, then he says "o-of course, sir! You are always welcome!"

Rika sighs and says "please, mister Sparrow. Don't start attacking us, please?"

The RKNS flies to Rika's shoulder, then rubs its little head against her cheek.

Ail opens a gap to a large room, then asks "alright, are you guys ready?"

Rika giggles as the RKNS' soft feathers ticker her cheek, then she nods as Budou says "ready, papa!"

Right after they enter the gap, Reimu and Sanae fly low to the ground, Reimu drinking her tea and eating her cookies, while Sanae desperately shoots and growls in a rage.

Ail's gap takes them to the same large room in which Rika fought her dark self.

The moment they set foot inside, Rika points forward and says "it's this way. Please, don't take any other route. These ruins are full of traps to ward off intruders."

Ail and Budou look at Rika, then nod, then she and Ail take the lead to the door Rika pointed to.

Just before Ail crosses the doorway, Rika tries to warn him about another trap, but she can't say it in time, and Ail gets struck on the head with a water-filled washtub.

Budou jumps over Ail to enter the room, and notices the many drawing in the room inside, one of the drawing depicting winged people, like Rika, praying to a round machine that connects a beam to the moon.

Budou exclaims "whoa. This is pretty cool."

Before entering the room, Rika helps Ail up as he rubs his head and groans, asking "are you alright, mister Ail?"

The RKNS flies ahead, on to a large machine with a round glass platform that allows view of the machine's internal mechanics.

He rapidly chirps, edging everyone to Hurry up to the machine.

Budou flies up, flapping her wings as fast as she can, while Ail and Rika calmly take the stairs up to the platform.

The first thing Ail notices is that on the platform there is a control panel, similar to one that stands outside beside the stairs.

Rika then says "alright, this machine will take us anywhere to the moon capital, so please be on your best behavior, alright?"

Ail, Budou, Phredia, who jumps right out of Budou's heart and sits on her head, and the little RKNS, all salute Rika in agreement.

Rika starts working the control panels and says "oh, and don't worry. The Lunarians will be fully aware of our presence, so we don't have to sneak around."

While Budou, Phredia and the RKNS nod in acknowledgement, Ail trembles nervously and says "uu~ I hope Yorihime isn't sore about last time."

Rika finishes entering the coordinates, then says "here we go~", the platform lightens up, and a beam of light surrounds them, shoots straight through the clouds, and goes all the way to the moon.

* * *

At the Moon Capital, Ail, Budou, Phredia, and Rika all appear right in front of the gates of a large building with a small palace on top.

Rika looks around and says "wow, this is a pretty place."

Budou looks up to the sky and says "wow, I can see the Earth. It looks just like the internet photos."

Ail and Phredia both smile at Budou, then both look around for a moment, then Ail asks "hey... Where's the Night Sparrow?"

At the palace atop the large building, the Watatsuki sisters, Yorihime and Toyohime, walks out of the palace doors to look down the building, then Yorihime says "it's been a while since we've received a visit from the Onkamikami."

Toyohime adds "I wonder if she like peaches too?"

Yorihime looks curiously at her sister and asks "how can you be so certain it's a girl this time?"

Toyohime inhales, and from behind them, a guard shouts "oh no, the washing machine broke!"

Another guard shouts "coincidentally, the water is headed outside!"

Before they can react, the Watatsuki sisters find themselves being washed away by dirty laundry water, falling all the way down the building.

Down at the bottom, Ail and Rika perceive the screams from the moon princesses, then Ail says "heads up", and he, Budou and Rika open up an umbrella each, Phredia hiding under Budou's, and right after the Watatsukis gently drop to the ground, the dirty laundry waters falls right after them, soaking them up some more.

Afterward, the three visitors remove their umbrellas and toss them away, revealing their faces to the princesses.

Yorihime scowls and points at Ail, saying "hey, what are you doing here!"

Ail smiles and says "Yorihime, hi! How are you? Oh, you must be miss Toyohime, correct?"

Toyohime smiles and happily says "hello, and welcome to the Moon Capital."

Yorihime sighs and rubs the side of her head, then says "sis, why can't you be more serious? That guy is trouble, and he shouldn't be allowed in here."

When Yorihime looks to her sister, she's already shaking hands with Ail, kneeling next to Budou and patting her head, then inspecting Rika curiously, before shaking her hand as well.

Budou approaches Yorihime and angrily says "papa isn't a bad man, you mean lady!"

Yorihime kneels down to look at Budou's scowling face, then blushes and pats her head, whispering to herself "so cute. So pure! It's unbearable!"

Yorihime sighs and apologizes, then realizes Toyohime is happily giving Rika and company a written permit to visit wherever they want, each.

Rika smiles and bows, then says "thank you so very much, my lady!"

Toyohime giggles and says "please, call me Toyohime."

Budou chuckles, and she and Phredia bow to Toyohime, Budou saying "thanks for everything."

Ail bows to the two sisters, then says "don't worry. I'll make sure they behave."

Toyohime waves back at the group, smiling and happily saying "bye~ Have fun", while Yorihime sighs and thinks "oh well. At least the Onkamikami is with them."

* * *

After saying goodbye to the group, the sisters enter the large building that sits below their palace.

A name is written on a golden plaque that's placed just beside the entrances, and it reads "Leaders of the Lunar Corps Headquarters"

Right after entering, Yorihime looks around and notices there isn't a single moon rabbit working.

She scowls and shouts "where are the moon rabbits?"

The Lunarians seem to have to have not noticed this, and after looking around with confusion, one of the men says "princess, they were here just a moment ago!"

In a commanding tone, Yorihime says "well, don't just stand there! Find them already!"

While some of the workers nervously reply to her sister, Toyohime calmly looks around and says "calm down, sis. We'll find them. Let's just... wait, what was that?"

One of the worn-out doors at the darkened parts of the building bursts open on its own, then there's the sound of flapping, then the lights switch off.

Yorihime commands "activate emergency backup power source!"

A man replies "right away, my princess!"

When the lights turn back on, both Yorihime and Toyohime gasp in surprise.

A small male moon rabbit with blue eyes, short, unkempt black hair, wearing only a small rag around his waist, looks up at the Watatsukis.

One of the Lunarian women softly, but nervously says "don't move, princesses. We got him... We got him."

The Lunarians slowly move closer to the male moon rabbit, while the Watatsuki sisters stare nervously at him, and just as one of the men jumps to get him, the little moon rabbit rushes away to the higher floors though the stairs.

Yorihime unsheathes her sword and commands "seal all the exits! Don't let a single one escape!"

Toyohime softly says "remember what happened when that lone male escaped last time."

All the Lunarians shiver, then Yorihime says "now get moving! We still got moon rabbits in here!"

Yorihime looks at her sister and says "we'll take the elevator. I think I know where they are", then looks at the employees and says "and the rest of you, take the stairs! We can't let them escape!"

While the Lunarians salute the sisters, Yorihime and Toyohime rush to the elevator and quickly head to the 8th floor.

The moment the elevator doors open. Yorihime rushes out, and a silver washtub falls straight on her head, knocking her to the ground.

Toyohime exits the elevator, asking "sis! Are you alright?"

Another washtub falls from the ceiling, but it somehow veers toward Yorihime, landing on her head and leaving a large bump on her.

Toyohime grabs Yorihime by her shoulder and lifts her limp sister up, exclaims "Yori-chan! Say something!"

Yorihime moans for a moment, then says "do-don't call me that!"

Toyohime quickly hugs her dazed sisters and exclaims "you're alright~!"

Yorihime recovers from her daze and asks "who uses those old things anymore?"

The small Rabid Karate Night Sparrow reveals himself, standing on the floor right in front of the two princesses, holding a large, rusty key on its claws, then chirps loudly.

The Watatsuki sisters stare at the little bird, and Toyohime says "aww, what a cute little bird", while Yorihime exclaims "YOU~ You set the males free? Why?"

Toyohime stares at the key on its claw and says "my, how can a tiny bird like you carry that heavy key, and even manage to use it too?"

The key lands smacked in between Toyohime's eyes, then the RKNS chirps angrily and rapidly.

Yorihime growls, unsheathes her sword, then says "small or not, you are a threat to the Moon Capital! Take thi-- eh?"

Before she can even attack, the RKNS holds one of the washtubs on its claws, then throws it with a spin toward the Lunarian Princess.

Yorihime ducks right on time, just as Toyohime gets up from the ground, just to receive the flying washtub on her face, and fall back on to the ground.

Yorihime worriedly exclaims "Toyohime! Are you alright?"

Toyohime mumbles incoherently, then smiles back at her sister.

Yorihime growls and faces toward the RKNS, only to find out he's gone.

* * *

Having recovered, the Watatsukis rush to the next room, a large, expansive room, where the moon rabbits practice with their guns.

Yorihime looks at Toyohime behind her and whispers "sis, he could be anywhere, so be on your guard... What's the matter with you?"

Toyohime's cheeks are bright red as she stares forward, and when her sister asks, all the can do is gulp and point ahead of herself.

When Yorihime turns around, they find 3 sets of hearts rising from the floor, close to each other, followed by some giggling and kissing sounds.

Yorihime's face turns green with disgust as she slowly reaches for a small radio on her pocket, then whispers to it "Omega team, we found 3, and they are already engaged. Request backup on the 8th floor."

There's no response from the other side, but before Yorihime can try again, Toyohime pokes her shoulder and says "sis? Over there."

Toyohime points to their left, and there is the RKNS holding two rifles by their barrels with each claw.

Yorihime stares back at him with a confident smile and says "pheh! There's no way you can use those against us."

Both sisters shriek and jump to the ground with a terrified expression on their faces, just as both guns fire in a rapid manner.

When the gunshots stop, Yorihime raises her head and shouts "hey! You could have killed us!"

The RKNS chirps rapidly, then Yorihime angrily replies "well, of course we had them locked up! They're dangerous!"

There's another gunshot, and a bullet flies right next to Yorihime's head, making her flinch and raise her hands.

The RKNS chirps rapidly again, and while Toyohime peeks from the ground, Yorihime angrily replies "why? What do you mean 'why'? Moon rabbits are already long-lived to begin with!"

Toyohime continues "that's true. And when the males and females get together..."

Three tiny white rabbits hop across the shooting range between the RKNS and the princesses, then they both say at the same time "they multiply!"

The RKNS manage to shrug and keep flying with the rifles in its claws, and in an instant, both Yorihime and Toyohime find themselves falling on their backs, back to the floor, with a rifle striking each in their face.

Yorihime furiously spring back on her feet to look around for the little sparrow, however he is gone once again.

Yorihime face palms with a frown and angrily whispers "this is getting annoying."

A trap door on the ceiling opens up, and out comes gallons of water, washing away the sisters and sending them closer to the moon rabbits.

While Yorihime mumbles and moans in pain, Toyohime manages to get up on her feet, then reaches for the first pair of moon rabbits, and places each on separate cages that are conveniently placed next to the rabbits.

After she closes the cages, she dusts her hands and says "my, my, my~ They get right into it so quickly."

From the left cage, comes the sound of a grunting girl and a blue sleeved arm, while from the right comes a male's grunt and a naked arm, both reaching for each other.

Toyohime turns around and finds her sisters swiping the sweat off her forehead, standing besides two sets of ten cages, one set has naked arms that are trying to reach for the set with sleeved arms.

Yorihime looks annoyed toward Toyohime and says "geez, we already have 12 children!"

Toyohime giggles as she rubs the small, white rabbits on her cheeks, and says "they are so soft and cuddly!"

Yorihime looks toward her sister with surprise and disappointment, as she has 3 tiny white rabbit babies jumping around her lap and head as well.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the city, Ail, Budou, Phredia and Rika enjoy the sights, along with some souvenir shopping.

They spot a two story building adorned at the windows with some strange glowing flowers.

From the distance, Mystia flies by and sings "chin chin~"

Ail raises an eyebrow and turns around, just as Mystia leaves the area.

He turns around again and asks "did you guys her Mystia singing around here?"

Budou and Phredia shrug and shake their heads, and Rika smiles widely and says "you must be hearing things, mister Ail. How can she be all the way over here on the moon?"

Rika turns around and continues to smile, while Ail says "yeah, I guess you're right. Come on, let's go check out that sweets store."

Ail looks over his shoulders, thinking he'll find Mystia, while following Budou and Rika to the sweets store.

Back at the Lunar Corps Headquarters, the Watatsuki sisters reach the top floor, exhausted from all the moon rabbit hunting.

Toyohime lets herself fall on her knees, then says "geez, how troublesome these rabbits can be."

Yorihime sheathes her sword and swipes the sweat off her forehead, then says "you really need to shape up. Anyway, we need to figure out what to do with those babies."

Toyohime sighs and says "they're so cute, but so dangerous. Those cages won't hold them for long."

A large boulder falls from the floor above, and the impact raises the floor beneath the sisters, sending them both on a crash-course to the windows.

They smack face-first against the window, which doesn't break at all, then Yorihime notices the RKNS fling toward the city, following the blue eyed male moon rabbit.

Yorihime pushes herself away from the glass and exclaims "AFTER THEM", while Toyohime moans in pain and rubs her nose.

Yorihime grabs her sister's arm, then drags her to the elevator.

Once on the first floor, Yorihime addresses to the Lunarians, speaking in a commanding tone "we've got a runner! He's been watched over by a very dangerous fiend!"

One of the women asks "what kind of fiend would unsettle lady Yorihime this way?"

Yorihime sternly replies "the little sparrow."

The Lunarians look at each other with surprise, while Yorihime slowly realizes what she just said, and a degree of shame courses through her heart.

To fix this, Toyohime seriously says "don't take him lightly. He managed to use our weapons with ease, set traps for us, and he's also a master of martial arts."

Before the Lunarians can react to this, a large cabinet falls from the floor above, right in front of the Watatsukis.

There are knocks coming from inside the cabinet, making the doors violently rattle, then Yorihime and Toyohime look at each other, and each reaches for a door handle.

Without hesitation, the sisters open the doors, then they jump out from inside the cabinet, wearing swimsuits, sunglasses, straw hats, and holding cups filled with sake on their hands.

Toyohime sighs and says "who knew a place like that could be so wonderful."

Yorihime sighs and smiles, then says "yeah. I would I have stayed another 3 days..."

When she looks around, the other Lunarians stare at them curiously, then a woman says "lady Yorihime, what do you mean? You just jumped out of that thing."

The Watatsuki sisters realize the men around them blush as some stare at them brazenly, while others look away, some even smiling.

Somehow, Yorihime reaches to her left and grabs a pair of coats, then angrily says "we are going to change. While we do, you go and search for that rabbit! Remember what happened last time a male escaped to the city!"

All the Lunarians in the room salute Yorihime, and after the sisters enter the elevator, and the doors close the people in the room rush to try and enter the cabinet at the same time.

* * *

Out in the city, after finishing their sweet treats, Rika sighs and happily says "that was great. Can't wait to make this for lady Reimu."

Curiously, Ail asks "eh? You think you can copy this recipe?"

Rika smiles confidently and says "I don't think so, I know so. It may not be exact, but I am sure I can do it."

Meanwhile, Budou gets up from her chair and says "I'll take these to the trash", then grabs the empty paper plates and plastic cups, then she and Phredia head to the farthest trash bins.

She empties her hands from the plates and cups, then walks back to Ail and Rika, but one of the lids from the trash bins pops open, getting Budou and Phredia's attention, then Suwako sits like a frog on the closed bin next to her, then sings "au, au, auu~", then jumps back into the open trash bin, just before the lid falls back on it.

Surprised, Budou and Phredia rush to the bin and open it up, only to find that Suwako is not in it.

As they continue to look curiously into the bin, Ail and Rika approach them, and Ail asks "Budou, what's wrong? Did you lose something?"

Budou turns around with a shocked expression and says "I just saw big sister Suwako!"

Phredia flies in front of Ail's face and nods in agreement.

Ail and Rika look at each other, unable to believe what they just heard, then Rika smiles and says "you three are acting really weird. Neither Mystia or Suwako are here."

Budou stutters for a moment, trying to explain herself, then she sighs in defeat and says "you're right... Maybe I just thought I saw her."

Ail smiles and says "it's alright. We can make a club now."

Rika stares at Ail for a moment, then says "you guys must be homesick."

Meanwhile, at the Lunar Corps HQ, Yorihime crashes out of the building, lifting the cabinet above her head and roaring furiously, then tosses it toward the street, breaking it apart in the process, and from inside it, a total of 50 Lunarians, male and females, all in swimsuits and some wearing flowers around their necks, scatter all over the city, while Yorihime shouts "GET THAT RABBIT ALREADY!"

Toyohime approaches Yorihime cautiously and says "sis, you need to take it easy. Here, have a peach."

Toyohime pulls a peach out of her pocket and offer to her sister, who stares at it for a moment, the smiles and softly says "Toyohime~ You'll have to exercise double-time after today."

Toyohime immediately hides the peach and stands straight beside her sister, then says "sis, no time for eating peaches! We have to capture that rabbit, before it's too late!"

Yorihime smiles more naturally and says "yes, I agree. Let's go."

The moment they take the first step forward, the ground underneath them cracks and breaks, sending the princesses into a dark hole.

On the ground above, the RKNS peeks his head, chirps contently, then flies away.

From inside, Yorihime screams with rage, while Toyohime worriedly says "sis, you have to calm down, please."

* * *

Hours later, Yorihime and Toyohime reach one of the busiest streets in the city, now turned into a fiery battle zone, where the moon rabbits continue to fire their rifles at an unknown threat that, without showing itself, keeps knocking out rabbit after rabbit.

Yorihime stands bravely and shouts "Reisen! Take your subordinates and hunt down that bird!"

Reisen, the moon rabbit who had visited Gensokyo, and the only one with floppy ears, salutes Yorihime and asks "wh-what bird? What are we fighting here?"

Yorihime unsheathes her sword and exclaims "ONWARD my brave soldiers!", then runs toward the destroyed buildings, jumping over a large fire that makes up a large, round arena in the center.

There, the RKNS waits on the ground, wearing his black bandanna, glaring at Yorihime, who brandishes her sword and says "get ready, bird!"

She stabs her sword on the ground, but nothing happens.

She stares with confusion and surprise at the RKNS, then asks "wait, what..? Where's my sword?"

Flying in front of her, the RKNS holds her sword in its little claws, chirps, then stabs the sword on the ground, making many blades rise from underneath Yorihime's feet, trapping her on the spot.

Yorihime smirks and says "you may have trapped me, but I can still beat you!"

Yorihime closes her eyes, then starts to chant.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, everything is right in place, and nobody even notices the small war being waged on the other half of the city.

Rika, Ail, Budou and Phredia continue their sight-seeing through the city, and Rika is awestruck as she stares at the tall buildings, wrapped in colorful lights all over.

Ail says "oy, Rika. Be you should watch where you're going, or you're going to trip."

Right after he says that, Rika trips on a small ledge, and instinctively activates her Soraogan mode as she falls, and after she lands, she 'omphs' loudly, and a light-white beam flies from her and toward the destroyed half of the city.

Budou and Ail rush to Rika, calling for her, while the Lunarians stare concernedly toward her, and as he helps her back up, Ail says "I told you to watch where you were going."

Rika giggles and says "whoopsies. I'll be more careful.", then thinks "oh, I hope my nullify beam doesn't cause any trouble."

On the other side of the city, Yorihime finishes her chanting, and says "now witness the intensity of the flames of lord Agato!"

Rika's nullify beam flies through the lunar skies, and lands right on top of Yorihime as she finishes her sentence.

When she looks around, nothing happens.

She asks "h-hey! Where's the fire?"

When she looks at the RKNS, she sees a glint escaping its tiny eyes as he slowly flies closer to her.

Away from the fire arena, Toyohime calls "Yorihime~ Are you in there? Answer me!"

Yorihime screams as she flies in the air over the flames and lands next to her sister on the ground.

Toyohime exclaims "oh dear! Yorihime, are you alright?"

Yorihime groans in pain as she tries to get back up on her feet, only managing to kneel and say "that... bird... is a pain in the-"

A large washtub falls from the sky and misses Toyohime by an inch, but lands right on top of Yorihime, making a loud clanging sound, denting at the middle, and knocking Yorihime on to the ground.

Toyohime sighs and says "I really wonder who would be using these at this age."

The RKNS chirps happily as he leaves the area, and the fires all fizzle out just as he disappears from sight.

* * *

Later, while Ail and Budou stare at some posters being pasted on the walls by a blue-eyed male moon rabbit, and the RKNS, Rika ventures ahead to a small alley behind some large buildings.

Everything looks neat and clean, and quite welcoming, so she ventures in deeper until she comes across a wall, and a trail to the left and right.

She sighs and thinks "maybe I should go back."

From the left side, Sakuya runs toward the right side, stops in front of Rika, looks back while raising her fist, and angrily shouts "they are not pads, you bastards! Leave me alone already!"

She runs away, and shortly after, a group of men, and a few women rush by, the men shouting "take off those pads!"

Sakuya shouts back "I don't have pads!"

Rika blinks and shakes her head, and when she opens her eyes again, Sakuya and the group are gone.

Rika walks out of the alley to meet with Ail and Budou, and says "you-you guys. I thought I just saw Sakuya back there. She was running from some people while saying something about pads."

Phredia flies close to Rika's face and places her hand on Rika's forehead, while Budou stares concernedly and says "but Sakuya didn't come with us."

Ail adds "ah, so you're seeing things too after all. Welcome to the club."

Rika places a hand on her own head and says "geez, to think I almost believed that."

Ail smiles and says "never mind that. Look what the sparrow and a rabbit posted here."

Rika stares at the posters Ail and Budou were looking at before, then covers her mouth and says "oh my. They are not going to like this at all."

On the wall are a few posters with the pictures of Yorihime and Toyohime. Under Toyohime's picture is a smaller picture of an old woman, wearing Toyohime's clothes, and words to the right, saying "Watatsuki no Toyohime. Age 1.5K PLUS"

Under the picture of Yorihime, is the picture of herself, as she is, only wearing a dunce hat while sitting on a school desk, and the words to its left that read "Watatsuki no Yorihime. Age 1.4K MINUS (No wonder she's such a brat)"

Meanwhile, Yorihime, Toyohime and Reisen, beaten, their clothes dirty, burned and in tatters, walk toward the peaceful half of the city, when Yorihime says "after we eat something, you two are helping me get my sword back."

Reisen and Toyohime nod, and from behind them, a giant waves swipes them off their feet and drags them to their destination, magically cleaning and fixing everything that was destroyed juts moments ago, and it even restores the citizens, who act as though nothing ever happened there.

After a while, the wave stops, spits the girls away from itself, then continues its way toward the fake moon.

Toyohime gets up after her sister, then curiously says "where do you think that wave came from, sis?"

Yorihime spits a fish from her mouth and sticks out her tongue in disgust, then says "I don't know, but this is REALLY making me mad!"

Reisen stands next to the many Watatsuki sisters posters and says "hey, look. Your pictures are everywhere."

When Reisen turns around, the Watatsuki sisters' eyes are cast in shadow, their mouths open wide in a square shape, and a few strands of hair seem to spring forcefully from their heads.

Toyohime scowls and shouts "I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT!"

Yorihime shouts "I am NOT a brat!"

Reisen nervously smiles, placing her hands in front of herself, while saying "it's alright, it's alright. Let's just take them down."

Yorihime smiles and says "good idea. Get the other moon rabbits, and take these down. Toyohime and I..."

Toyohime now wears a white bandanna around her head, and stands heroically while saying "sis and I have a bird to hunt!"

Both Reisen and Yorihime hug each other and tremble in fear, as a powerful and dangerous aura emanates from Toyohime's body.

* * *

Meanwhile, the RKNS grabs the blue-eyes male moon rabbit, and pulls him away from a set of pink hearts that come from a pink-haired female moon rabbit, then chirps angrily while staring into the rabbit's blue eyes.

The little male rabbit nods after being reprimanded, then the RKNS stops, places the rabbit on the roof of a tall building, then stands on the floor, pulling out Yorihime's sword from under its wing.

Yorihime and Toyohime stand on the other side of the building's roof, glaring threateningly at the little bird.

Toyohime points at the RKNS and says "you're going to PAY for calling me old!"

Yorihime growls and says "you got lucky before, but THIS time, I'm going to GET you!"

The RKNS chirps rapidly, then Toyohime replies "what do you mean?"

Yorihime adds "you can't do that! If you do, it might be trouble!"

The RKNS chirps furiously, then flies up, carrying Yorihime's sword, then flies toward the sisters.

They split up just as the RKNS flies past them and drops the sword.

Yorihime immediately runs to catch her blade, and after jump-rolling to get it, she stands up and confidently laughs and says "ha-ha-ha~ NOW I got... Oh dear."

Yorihime and Toyohime's faces fill with all kinds of terror when they realize the RKNS has Toyohime's fan on its claws.

Toyohime places her hands chest-high and softly says "it's ok. Calm down, little bird."

Yorihime nervously adds "th-th-that's right! We forgive you!"

The RKNS stares at the princesses, then chirps.

Toyohime replies "y-yes. It's alright, then! We'll go with you. Just give me that fan."

Yorihime adds "we're cool. We're cool here. J-just take it easy."

The RKNS makes a sudden move, and the sisters both flinch, then Toyohime feels the fan drop back on her hand.

After a small while, the sisters slowly recompose themselves, and after realizing Toyohime has her fan back, Yorihime starts to chant, summoning a god.

The RKNS glares at them, so Toyohime exclaims "sis! Sis, stop! He's getting angry!"

Suddenly, the half of the building in which the moon princesses stand completely collapses, sending them both down to the unforgiving ground.

After the thud, a new building half falls in place, replacing the crumbled part, and the RKNS and the male moon rabbit walk to the farthest edge to look down to the sisters.

From the bottom, Toyohime shouts "we're ok~!", then a bolt of lightning crashes down on them.

Yorihime dizzily shouts "we're... ok... That still hurt."

A giant waves courses through the city, then drags the screaming princesses away to an unknown destination.

The RKNS and the moon rabbit look at each other, then shrug, and then the little sparrow grabs the moon rabbit by the small cloth around his waist, and safely flies down with him.

Later that day, the RKNS, the moon rabbit, and the Watatsuki sisters arrive to a house on the outskirts of the city, standing by itself on a small hill.

Toyohime and Yorihime are full of bandages, Yorihime with a cast on her right arm, while Toyohime has a cast on her left leg.

Arriving to the door, Yorihime comments "hey, I've been here before."

Yorihime looks around the house, then says "I can't believe it's still standing."

The door slowly opens, and after it's fully opened up, a woman from inside asks "yes? How may I help you?"

The RKNS pushes the little moon rabbit forward, then he stands in front of the door with a shy expression on his face, while looking at his feet.

The woman asks "wait, do I know you?"

The moon rabbit looks up, then all of a sudden, he finds himself being embraced by this long-eared mystery woman, who sobs and says "it's my child. My child! He's back! Thank you ever so much, princesses of the moon! But... how did you know?"

Toyohime is about to answer honestly, but the RKNS pecks the back of her head while keeping out of sight, then she says "err, we, um, had some help."

Yorihime sighs and says "yeah. A bit of a brute, but was still some help- kyah~!"

Yorihime gets dragged into the darkness by her belt, and only some smacking sounds can be heard echoing over the small hill, then she suddenly appears again with some more bruises and a weak smile, then says "y-yeah. Some help. Heh-heh."

* * *

Later that day, Rika, Ail, Budou and Phredia walk all the way back to the Lunar Corpse HQ's front entrance, then Ail comments "I thought we would have found him by now."

Rika sighs and says "well we can't leave him behind. It wouldn't be proper."

Budou looks around, then exclaims "look, look! Over there!"

From the road to the other side of the city come the Watatsuki sisters, and flying just above their heads is the RKNS.

When Rika sees how beat up and hurt they both are, she gasps in horror and exclaims "oh my goodness! Are you alright?"

When she rushes to help, Yorihime smiles and raises her hand, then says "it's ok, we're fine."

Toyohime smiles wide and asks "so did you and your friends enjoy the visit, miss Onkamikami?"

Rika forces a smile and says "yeah, it was great, but what about you? Please, at least let me get you to..."

Yorihime places a hand on Rika's shoulder, weakly smiles, then says "look, it's nothing, really. We'll just go home and rest. You should go home too, alright."

By now, the RKNS is hiding behind Ail, while everybody is concerned with the princesses.

Budou approaches Toyohime, smiles, then says "I hope next time you visit us home. It's a lot of fun there!"

Toyohime giggles and nods, while Yorihime sighs and says "yeah, yeah. Maybe we can go farther than those bamboos. Oh, that's right. I should say hi to Mystia too."

Rika and Budou walk back to Ail, and after they are close to each other, Rika pulls a remote control form her pocket, and after they wave at the princesses and say their goodbyes, Rika pushes a button on the remote, and a beam of light picks them up, and takes them back home.

Yorihime sighs and says "what a busy day. I just want to curl under my bed sheets and sleep."

Toyohime says "oh, look! It's that strange cabinet. I though you destroyed it."

She immediately aims to open it up and Yorihime rushes to stop her, shouting "no, don't do it!", but it's too late.

Toyohime opens the door up, and Yorihime springs right out from inside and falls face-first to the ground, wearing two dirty, white cloths to cover herself up, looking dirty and exhausted.

She raises her exhausted head and asks "why? Why didn't you open that sooner? Why~?"

She falls back on the ground unconscious, while Toyohime trembles and says "bu-bu-bu-but... how? I mean... But she... I wanna sleep!"

Various Lunarians run from inside the HQ building, to assist the two over exhausted princesses.

* * *

Afternoon at the Hakurei Shrine.

When Ail, Phredia, Budou and Rika arrive, they find Reimu sitting lazily by the shrine's porch in front of the entrance, peacefully drinking tea, while Marisa walks from inside, holding a try of snacks.

When Reimu sees them, she smiles mischievously and asks "so~? Did you two finally become one?"

Rika's face turns bright red as she says "m-m-m-my lady! How can you say such things?"

Ail angrily adds "oy, Reimu. You're starting to cross the line."

Budou stares at Ail and Rika, then starts to imagine how would they look, if they become one person.

She imagines, Rika's body, Ail's face, their wings mixed together, wearing a shrine maiden outfit and speaking with a dual tone of voice, saying "hello Budou. How are you?"

Budou shakes her head, then says "I'm so glad that didn't happen, right Phredia?"

Reimu laughs hard, then say "relax, relax~! I was only teasing."

Reimu bends down just as a red pentagram flies by her, allowing it to hit Marisa and knock her out, then Reimu lifts herself back up and says "oh, that's right. Sanae's in the spring."

In a seductive voice, Sanae calls "Ail~"

When they all look her way, she's wearing a pink bikini with pink detaches sleeves, tucking in her stomach and expanding her chest, then asks "would you like to join me in the hot springs tonight?"

Reimu immediately says "I'll kill you if you soil my shrine."

Sanae immediately shouts "I'm talking about the one in the mountains, dummy!"

When she looks at Ail, she notices he's not even blinking.

She gets closer and asks "Ail, are you ok?"

Ail's face is hot and red, steam comes out of his ears and nose, his eyes stare blankly toward where Sanae was, and his body is as stiff as a board.

Budou stares at him, then asks "what's wrong with papa?"

Reimu gets closer and inspects Ail, pokes his forehead and makes him fall on his back, then nods and says "yup. You totally broke him."

Sanae sighs, then smiles and says "I got power after all."

A black hole opens up right beneath Sanae and Ail, and with a quick yelp from Sanae, they disappear into it.

Rika looks down with surprise and asks "what just happened?", and a washtub falls right on top of her head, knocking her inside the black hole just before it closes.

Reimu sighs and face palms, then says "come on, Budou. I think I got something for you and Phredia to eat around here."

Budou asks "but what about papa, and mama, and miss Rika?"

Reimu sighs again, then says "they'll drop by later. Trust me."

Budou stares at where the black hole was, then smiles as she runs to the shrine with Reimu, and asks "can I use the hot springs?"

Reimu chuckles and replies "sure. I think I'll join you while we wait for them."

The sky slowly fills with stars as the day slowly becomes night, and from the shrine, Budou's voice echoes as she cheers with glee.

* * *

The end

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Budou, Phredia and the RKNS were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

MAY 21 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Uuu~ that was just mean from me. Then again, I wasn't TOO mean to those princesses, considering what I can REALLY do. Maybe I can try again, when they visit Gensokyo again. That should prove fun! Hope you enjoyed this, thanks for reading, and see you next story, if the spirits will allow.**


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